If you've ever been on the Internet
and if you're watching this video there's a hundred percent chance that you have
then you are most likely familiar with the Call Out.
A.K.A. you said something online that was factually incorrect or otherwise harmful.
If you're someone online who talks about politics, or social issues, or anything like that
then most likely you've probably been called out.
And of course the invention of Twitter and YouTube response videos
have escalated the public call out to a completely different place, but we'll talk about that in a minute.
If you're watching this video
I'm gonna assume that you want to minimize the amount of harm that you cause
either in your everyday interactions, or on the Internet.
But if you're someone who doesn't give a fuck, or it thinks that apologizing is a weakness
then this is probably not the video for you, and you can go watch something else.
That's fine.
Getting called out on the Internet is pretty much a fact of life at this point
because we're human beings and we all make mistakes.
However, I also think it's important not to use the fact that everyone makes mistakes
as a way to not apologize or make up for your behavior
I wanna start out by saying that I get called out all the time, constantly.
Because I made the decision to be visible online and talk about controversial issues
so that's gonna happen and that's kind of what I signed up for.
And when you have an audience, whether it be a hundred people, or a hundred thousand people
the things you say online and the influence you have makes a difference
and it's important to be really cognizant of that.
When you or someone else is being called out online
it's important to recognize the scenarios where communication tends to break down
and unfortunately, and what I've witnessed, this seems to happen more often than not.
Two really common scenarios where there's a breakdown of communication
either on the part of the person being called out, or the person doing the calling out.
Number One: Someone with a large audience sends their fans to harass the person that they're calling out.
I've talked about the issue of online harassment extensively, so I'll link those videos in the cards
but often this is not done in good faith.
The second scenario is when someone gets all up in their feelings and they react defensively
instead of hearing the other person out.
I've seen this happen so. many. times.
So many times.
I know I've definitely done this in the past.
I might have received an anonymous message on Tumblr
that was phrased in a way that was a little accusatory
and instead of hearing them out, I kind of am responding to the way they're criticizing me
and I'll reply in a way that's not necessarily very nice or productive.
When what I really should have done was read it, acknowledged my feelings
taken the time to process, and then responded when I'm in a better place.
And I get that can be hard because the Internet is so instantaneous.
We're used to constant communication.
So when someone is calling us out, or accusing us of something
we immediately wanna react to defend ourselves.
I think that's kind of like normal human nature
but I think in these scenarios sometimes our first response is not our best response.
If you're someone who's currently dealing with a call out or has been called out in the past
then you know that it can be kind of difficult to sort through your emotions
and figure out the best way to respond.
So here are some important questions that you can ask yourself if you're being publicly called out
and you wanna hold yourself accountable and find a productive way to move forward.
Number One: Do I hold power or privilege over the person calling me out?
I know some of you get a little touchy when I use the word privilege
but what I mean is are you someone who doesn't experience disadvantages
based on your race, gender, sexuality, et cetera that the person who's calling you out does?
For example let's say you're a straight person
and you made a post or a video where you kind of made fun of gay and queer people at their own expense
and the person calling you out is gay or queer.
That's an example of you having privilege over another person
because you're never gonna be discriminated against based on your sexual orientation.
An example of holding power over someone would be
say you have a million followers and the person who's calling you out only has, like, fifty.
This isn't necessarily a problem in itself
but I witnessed several times where someone with a huge following
sends their followers after a person with a much smaller audience as a way to kind of deflect criticism
even if their criticism was perfectly reasonable.
This is an imbalance of power because the person with the larger audience
regardless of what they've done, even if the person's critique of them is super reasonable
their audience, at least a large portion of their audience, is gonna support them and back them up no matter what.
It's not great but that's what people do.
Like, how many twelve and thirteen-year-olds, who are fans of Logan Paul, backed him up no matter what
even though his actions were objectively horrible?
Number Two: Is the person calling me out doing so in good faith?
This is a bit of a judgement call so it's kind of hard to know where to draw the line.
I've been on both sides of that line where the person calling me out is doing so in bad faith
but I engage with them anyway.
Or on the other hand the person has a reasonable critique of me
but I react defensively to their tone or them not being super nice about it.
It's okay for people to be upset and angry at you.
That's allowed.
Everyone's allowed to have feelings.
The person calling you out might be responding from a place of hurt
and I think it's important to make space for that and acknowledge that.
So here's a completely hypothetical example
say you made a video about how no one wants to date bisexuals because they're confused and not real.
I'm allowed to be angry or upset about that because that's a really irresponsible way to frame bisexuality
and it only perpetuates negative and false stereotypes about us.
At the end of the day though if the person is being abusive or continuously harassing you online
then you're allowed to draw a line.
Step Number Three: I've determined that the person calling me out is doing so in good faith
so have I made a genuine attempt to hear them out?
I know it can be incredibly hard not to react offensively when someone is being confrontational and saying
"Hey this thing you did was fucked up."
That could be hard to deal with.
I get it.
That's why I think it's important to maybe take some time away from the Internet
consider that person's perspective, and really hear the criticism and the argument that they're making.
Number Four: Is someone from a marginalized community expressing that you've said
or advocated for something that is harmful to their community?
Also, be aware that this harm could look different in many different situations.
Maybe you used a slur that you didn't know was a slur
or you unintentionally derailed an important conversation and kind of made it about you.
Or maybe you perpetuated negative stigma or stereotypes
or spread misinformation that will directly impact that community.
These are all examples of potential unintended harm that you might have caused.
Number Five: Does this conversation need to happen publicly?
Would it be more productive to have a private conversation?
I'm a big fan of having private conversations with people one-on-one.
They tend to be a little more intimate and honest and productive, in my experience.
Versus having a public Twitter fight with someone where your followers are kind of escalating the situation
and it becomes a bit of a spectacle.
At the end of the day that's not always super helpful.
So I wanna end this video by touching on public forgiveness
because I think that's often left out of these conversations.
Sometimes people have been called out, feel like there is nothing they can do to fix their mistake
and it's always gonna be held against them.
I'm just gonna be honest with you
if you fuck up not everyone is obligated to forgive you
and some people won't.
Sometimes if you lose someone's trust you're not gonna get it back
and that's just an unfortunate reality of life.
And even though you might not necessarily earn back every person's trust
I still think it's important to hold yourself accountable and try.
So I think there are four elements to public forgiveness.
The first thing you need to do is completely understand where you've gone wrong
acknowledge it, and apologize publicly.
So if you make a Youtube video and you make a racist joke you should apologize on Youtube.
If you tweeted something that was insensitive to LGBT people then you should probably apologize on Twitter.
Basically you're apologizing to the audience where you made that transgression.
Number Two: Don't do it again.
Don't do it again.
You can't say you're sorry and then continue doing the thing.
The things you say and the things you do need to match up in order for your apology to be genuine and valid.
Number Three: The person needs to demonstrate that they've learned and grown.
So this is similar to Number Two because don't fucking do the thing again
but I also think in order to grow and move forward
it's important for you to counteract whatever harm you've caused.
So say you made a video and you negated someone's pronouns or gender identity.
Even if that person doesn't forgive you, and honestly they probably won't.
You shouldn't expect that they will.
You've also caused harm to the trans community by saying that certain trans people aren't valid.
So on top of doing the first two steps
I also think it's important to use your platform to re-educate your audience
and make sure they understand why that's not okay.
Although, you might disagree with me on this, and that's totally okay.
I know there are pe--some people who, like, talk about stuff where I'm just, like
"Stop talking about it. Every time you talk about it it's a really bad take."
You can apologize, but, like, stop being an authority on this thing.
Um, so that's also valid.
And in that case I would try and just uplift other trans creators and give them more visibility.
Number Four:
A lot of people probably won't do this but
thank the person who called you out.
I know that sounds weird but they probably put in a lot of emotional labor and energy and, like, time
to explain to you why the thing you did was painful to them.
I like to look at it like that person gave me an opportunity to learn and grow
so I wanna thank them for taking the time to educate me
and consider a perspective that I hadn't considered before.
Anyway, what are your thoughts on this?
Have you ever been publicly called out and how did you handle it?
Lemme know.
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