Hi there so I’m finally back from my trip to America and I’ve gotta say, it was pretty
grand.
One of my favourite parts was showing some of my British friends some of my favourite
American foods.
Like Hidden Valley Ranch dressing, and American cheese!
And even French Toast Crunch cereal.
I showed’m a lot of things.
But one of the last days of the trip we got to hike the Grand Canyon.
And if you’ve ever done that, you know that takes a lot of preparation.
I’m not talking about walking around it; I’m talking about 6 miles down and 6 miles
back.
It was exhausting!
I had to bring 3 litres of water, a sandwich and 4 slices of pizza cause I know how to
pack.
I was mentally prepared, physically prepared, foodily prepared…
However, I wasn’t prepared for what I got at the bottom of the canyon.
When I got there I got to see the Colorado River.
It was absolutely beautiful; it was an emerald colour.
The canyon was beautiful and then when we’re about to go back up I was like hold on guys
I gotta get this sick shot for my travel vlog.
So I go about 10-20 feet off the trail a bit, set my gopro up on a tripod right next to
a cactus thinking this’ll look great.
This’ll be a great shot.
Everyone’ll be like wow Evan’s production value has gone way high!
I hit the record button and then…
YEOWWWW
I fell into the cactus.
I fell SO HARD into this giant cactus family.
That I was just covered, COVERED in spines.
And I yelped and my friends were like oh my God Evan are you okay?
And I was like we have to get the shot.
And they were like what the heck Evan you’re bleeding.
And I was like GET THE SHOT.
If I am going to fall into a cactus for a shot you better believe at least I am gonna
walk away with that friggin shot.
So I move everyone out; we walk into frame and I was like limping just a little bit.
I tried to be a man (oops poor expression) ya know I tried to do it well; I think I did.
As we finished the shot my friend went to get the gopro and this woman came up to me
and was like ahh my gosh your hand and I was like yeah look at my arm!
and she was like ahwww!
*snaps a picture with her iPhone* And I was like… ya know what
I don’t blame her.
If I were in the same situation I would’ve been all over it.
I woulda been like Look at this dingus!
He jumped into a cactus.
Anyway, I didn’t see her for the rest of the trip, but that was ya know whatever, she
took it before me.
I took the next photo because they’re like Evan we gotta help you and I was like hold
on hold on…
Instagram!
So I took the instagram photo and then they’re like okay, time to get them out.
And I’m like Wait a minute!
I gotta vlog this!
Ya know, priorities.
My priorites are set as there’s blood coming out of my arm.
What do I do?
Social sharing.
And then I find a spigot, a little tap over there in the corner.
And I was like ooo that’s water!
I can wash my arm out a bit.
Go over there; I’m literally dripping blood.
There’s a blood trail all over the stones.
I get to the water; it’s not on.
The water doesn’t work this season.
Great.
However my friends help me.
We pull some of them out and then they decide they’re going to help me carry my backpack
up to the top.
So nice of them.
Thank you guys so much.
So about 2 miles up this hike we end up getting to a rest stop with a guy with a pair of tweezers.
Everyone’s freaking out about my arm.
He helps me.
I pull a lot of them out.
I’m like this is such a nice service.
Thank you.
However, there were some of them, I couldn’t get out.
They were really friggin deep in me and they HURT so I was like I’m just gonna leave
them.
I don’t know what to do right now, but we’ll figure it out later.
One of my favourite things to do during this hike.
was… people ya know would pass and you’d say G’day!
Cause I was in a bit of an Australian mood and then I would wave my right arm and I’d
be like G’day and they would be like Hey how’s it goin
*shows surprise* AHH!
And their faces would change from like a: hey this is totally a normal gesture to a
AH!
What is happening to his arm!
And that was just really funny.
I’d be like yup!
Watch out for cactuses they jump at you.
And people would just look really, really scared.
It was fun.
But about halfway through our hike to the top this guy comes down running at me and
he says hey!
you’re the cactus guy!
Hey I found the cactus guy!
And I was like how did…
how did you… how did you know that?
And he was like oh this woman was going up the trail showing everyone your picture saying
to expect you.
The woman from before was showing the picture to everyone and people were literally going
down the mountain like Dude I can’t wait till we see that cactus guy.
What an idiot!
Great!
So I’m famous on the Grand Canyon trail for jumping into a cactus.
It was pretty brutal I’ll be honest.
So I was recognised 6 or 7 times as the cactus guy.
Eventually we got to the top of this canyon.I was completely exhausted.
Didn’t even know if I had legs anymore.
They coulda been stubs for all I know.
I looked down.
Doesn’t even matter.
all I’m focusing on is the terrible pain in my arm.
My tour guide comes up to me; he sees my arm and is like Dude.
What did you do??
And I was like cactuses man, don’t touch them.
At this point he pulls out a pair of pliers.
And he tries to pull some out.
But they are so deep he was like Dude you need to go to a hospital.
I hope you got travel insurance.
And this is when a big, big light bulb appears over my head.
And I go, *gasp* I got travel insurance!
They told me to get it and I was taking the piss last week, I was like who needs travel
insurance?!
It’s just a waste of money.
This guy!
And I paid for it!
So I was like yes!
I have finally done something right in my life.
So we’re in the car.
We’re on our way to the hospital.
I’m like ya know what?
It’s all gonna be all okay.
I walk into the doctor’s and she’s like: insurance?
And I’m like right here!
And she’s like: oh I’m sorry.
We don’t accept travel insurance.
What is the point of it then?!
Why did I pay this money if I can't use it.
And she's like I'm sorry that's just the way it is!
We don't accept travel insurance.
So I was like fine.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go back to England.
I'm gonna wait 3 days, go back to England, and you know what this is gonna be?
It's gonna be free.
And she said, it's not gonna be free from infection...
Okay sassy pants!
You know what?
Fine.
Fine!
How do I do this then?
She went, you just gotta pay for it so I went thanks.
Thanks America.
Home of the free, except the healthcare.
So I walked into the doctor's; he numbs my arm a bit.
He pulls this one so high out of me and then it rips in half.
I actually kept it.
Here it is zoomed in.
He ends up... that's half of it, right.
That's half of this freakin barb.
There's a hook at the bottom of it.
So he pulls that out.
He pulls out the other ones.
And then he finds the hidden temple.
You see there was this one needle that was so far inside of me that my skin actually
healed up and you couldn't actually see it to the naked eye.
Unless I bent my bicep like I was working out.
And then it would pop!
Out of my skin like a giant zit.
So he saw that and was like uhm, we're gonna have to do some surgery and I went oh my god.
No stitches for the love of God.
And he went, no don't worry about it.
So that's why I have a band-aid.
He made an incision and then he literally played operation with a pair of tweezers trying
to get in there grabbing my freaking needle.
And then not gonna lie, every single time he touched the wrong area I would buzz.
I was probably his favourite patient.
Bzzt!
Nope you missed!
Then he told me oh!
The needle has moved.
I went what?!
He went no it's not there anymore let's make another one.
So he slices over here!
Oh there he is there he is!
Oops!
Pushed him.
Sir, what are you doing?
He does it again.
I'm like are you trying to do a hashtag?
Trying to carve your initials into my friggin arm?
Eventually he pulls this thing out and I'm like thank you so much.
You're the best.
I was in love with this man.
He just pulled the biggest amount of pain out of my arm.
I said what do I do you for?
What's the damage?
$350!
And I was like GERHH!
I have travel insurance!
AHH!
Now to be honest, $200 of that was to remove a foreign object from my body.
Okay, okay.
I mean he's a skilled guy, he got in there, he got it out, I'm paying him for a service.
In all sense and purposes, that makes sense.
Okay? $200 fine.
(cheeky pun) What about the $150 you're asking...
Well, that was to walk in to the doctor's.
That's right.
Just to walk the frick in to talk to a man...
$150.
That is messed up, America.
Okay, what if I had a cough.
I need to see a doctor.
It's $150.
Ya know?
I feel great now!
That is why when I lived in America I never went to the doctors even if I was sick because
I was ya know, not affluent.
I don't have $150 lying around just to talk to a guy.
So, that is basically my story.
I didn't expect the doctor's to cost me an arm and a leg.
Just an arm!
My legs were lost at the grand canyon.
But anyway, hope you enjoyed the story; if you did please give it a big like below and
thank you so much for watching.
I'll see you guys next Sunday.
This hair will never ever be right.
Good bye.
*cue catchy whistling outro music* *swoosh*
"Are you gonna pull them out?"
No I like them right here.
It's fine.
I look like a porcupine!