Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Snotty little bastard inne?'
We're kicking off our new season with Scream and Scream Again,
featuring not just one legend of horror,
'You think I could do it all on my own?'
Not just two...
'It's only just beginning'
But three!
'This time you have gone too far'
Together in one film!
'What?'
Not at the same time of course.
'I am utterly appalled'
It's not just Price, Lee and Cushing barely meet,
'Oh that's terrible, perfectly terrible'
it's that they are top-billed.
'Yes I've wondered about that too'
Peter Cushing is only in it for 3 minutes, before falling prey to a Vulcan nerve pinch.
Price and Lee fare better and actually share a scene but, because of how it's filmed,
they're only onscreen together for these few seconds,
and if you take all 3 stars screen-time it totals barely a 5th of the film.
'Just that?'
Which has no effect on the story or my enjoyment of it, it just pisses me off.
'What's it all about?'
Good question, what is it all about.
'You won't understand and I won't explain'
Can't explain would be closer.
'That's about it'
The film follows three storylines: a man in a hospital bed, steadily losing limbs,
Tis but a scratch,
I've 'ad worse,
just a flesh wound.
A police investigation into a vampiric killer,
'What are you, some kind of maniac?'
With a novel way of getting out of handcuffs,
and a violent torturer in a totalitarian state that uses a modified road sign as its symbol.
'Do you think we are are winning?' '
How will these stories come together?
'It's like taking the best parts of 2 working machines and forging them into one perfect new machine’.
That's how it's supposed to work, this is more like taking the best parts of 2 machines,
banging them against each other going 'eh, that'll do.'
'Such operations are rarely successful'
Actually my question should have been: when will these stories come together -
it's an hour before there's even a hint of a connection,
and when that moment comes you don't appreciate it,
because you're too busy wondering why a vital piece of police evidence is being kept in what appears to be an unlocked conservatory.
'If you would let me explain'
This is a film that would have David Lynch shaking his head and reaching for the Cliff notes,
'I haven't got the vaguest idea'
And as if it wasn't hard enough to follow, our lead character (not Price, Lee or Cushing, oh no!)
is killed long before the end.
Leaving us to follow this guy,
'I'm sorry doctor.'
who is useless.
He gets knocked out easier than a WWE referee.
'Still in the future there won't be any room for imperfection.'
It's not horrendously bad, but it is frustrating.
'I do not understand you'
This film reminds me of The resurrection of Zachary Wheeler - the idea at its centre is interesting,
'I don't agree with you there'
it references classic horror,
'It's the old mad scientist's dream'
tying a Frankenstein motif,
'She has been assembled piece by piece, organ by organ.'
to a cold war context.
'Your documents sir.'
But the execution is as clumsy as trying to dub the word 'garbage' over crap.
'Garbage'
So, to quote Zaphod Beeblebrox, ten out of ten for style but minus several million for good thinking.
Scream and Scream again manages to crowbar in it's title using this song...
#Scream and scream again#
What's the most blatant example of crow barring a film title in.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments below
'Over and out.'