Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘I admire your work tremendously’
We’ve been doing Dark Corners for over ten years now, that’s a lot of bad films,
and yet when you see something like Mind Trap.
‘Just too awful to believe’
It’s that perfect storm of so badly made, so badly written, so confusing and genuinely nasty.
‘Isn’t that a little harsh’
You do feel for the actors.
‘I think you need a new agent, darling’
I don’t even know where to begin.
‘Never buy a house from someone named Mother Hubbard’
Sisters Shana and Ginger lost their scientist father a month ago
so it should be a surprise when he shows up at the Naval base where Ginger works.
‘I love you, but I’m going to be dead again soon.’
Ginger takes it in her stride as her father explains.
‘They’ve taken over the mind control division.’
His death was faked by bad guys trying to steal his work on something called the dream room.
‘Everyone else wants to use it for torture or mind control’
Ginger suggests the police,
‘They’ll close the case quicker than Mother Theresa’s legs’
Something everyone wants to hear their father say. But now…
'Get out the way, a pretty girl doesn't make a good bulletproof vest'
One of the recurring issues with this film is what we might call overkill.
I think you got him.
#Gasping breaths#
He’s still talking? Fortunately, the authorities arrive
'Freeze, what is going on here!'
and immediately side with the men in masks and their Russian accomplice
standing over the corpse and the crying woman.
Whom they swiftly lock up,
albeit in a room with a phone.
‘Security’ ‘Is this security?’
No, I’m the janitor but my name is ‘security’, causes much confusion.
Other daughter Shana is an actor.
‘Hey that’s my sister getting killed.’
currently throwing a party for her Navy boyfriend Robbie, with her debauched showbiz friends,
How embarrassing.
‘Y’know there is a sacred triangle between a director, a projectionist and his girlfriend. Hang on baby’
Dan Haggerty delivering the worst line he will ever say.
Ginger arrives.
‘He was alive, I saw him, but they killed him again.’
traumatic stuff, what did he say?
‘His last words? Love to Shana.’
Slap in the face for Ginger, but she’s been followed!
‘Who are these guys?’
‘Ve kill your husband’
I said this was a nasty film,
this scene includes the third of 6 occasions in this film where the bad guys fail to kill a woman
because they’re too busy attempting sexual assault.
They do however kill Shana and Ginger’s mother.
‘Love to Shana.’
Ginger’s having the worst day, and now gets shot.
‘The joke’s on them...’
Really not sure it is.
Having killed one sister and thrown in a slow release grenade,
the world’s worst assassins leave Shana to run out the back door that they didn’t think to check.
They silence Shana by cutting off Robbie’s finger then leaving him for her to find.
Voice over of bad guy 'You think he looks bad now, wait till you testify. Love the bad guys. Hahaha
I imagine the voiceover was a last-minute decision.
There were clearly audio issues with the film as voices change mid-line.
'That's why I got this client' #Noteable very obvious shift in audio recording quality#
'Now have you got the photos for that negative Anderson spot.'
This is political commercial director Roger Wratka and his topless secretary.
Because.
‘Didn’t he do that commercial red dawn over Massachusets?’
His first political campaign was in college.
‘What school was this?’
‘You haven’t heard of it’
No? what happened?
‘Right after the new student body president was sworn in the school went bankrupt,
there were massive race riots and everyone was killed.’
But you haven’t heard of it.
'Very peculiar.'
The media didn’t really cover the school where everybody died.
'That must take the fun out of class reunions.'
Wratka’s somehow involved, because the ultra-right wing, commie-hating conservative is the natural ally of the Russians.
‘Well pardon me while I whip out my Perestroika.’
With her family dead and her boyfriend in shock.
‘They chopped his finger off and now he’s catatonic’
Err… he did call her.
‘Shana that’s my finger you got there.’
Shana sets out to reap revenge, tailing bad guy Mojo...
at a distance of 5 feet, bringing her catatonic boyfriend along.
‘I thought I was being followed’
No! She was so careful.
Shana now uses a disguise.
Where did Shana go?
‘I knew a girl who looked just like you once.’ 'Really?'
'But her name was Shana.’
so I guess it can’t be you.
Amazingly this doesn’t work and Mojo takes Shana to see his boss.
''Hey! Pull over!'
Why did you let her drive?
'Let's get going.'
Won’t make that mistake again.
‘Where are you going? I said no tricks, now pull over.’
It’s like she doesn’t want to be kidnapped.
'You could learn a lot from a dummy.'
Having killed Mojo, Shana does her impression of Luke Skywalker.
#Star Wars Binary Sunset Music# the subtitles don't really do justice to this awesome piece of John Williams music.
We cut straight from this to…
Shana, having changed clothes, arrives back where she met Mojo where she left that car
‘Wonderful Shana, perfect, perfect. Come on down here.’
Oh. So this is part of Wratka’s film, that’s confusing but okay.
‘I was using live ammo.’
‘Oh I know, so were we.’
So she didn’t know… she shot people!
I have no idea what happened there, but check out this shot from a chase scene.
'The Bushwater Centre'
'Shit.'
It’s all terrible.
Halfway through her revenge spree, Shana visits Robbie in hospital.
‘I’ve got to go get things ready’
right now, here in the hospital.
But Robbie is one of the bad guys.
Because if you’re gonna betray your country, definitely do it for people who cut your finger off.
'I just want to see you again.'
All seems lost as they arrive at the secret dream room.
‘Sonia, flip the switch.’
Wratka plans to blow the door open and Shana up.
How can she distract Robbie and effect an escape?
‘Thank you my love for granting a horny maiden her last wish.’
'How does it feel to fuck someone who killed your whole family.'
This is film is vile.
Anyway she uses Robbie’s body to shield herself
and kills the other bad guys without the dream room ever featuring.
This has been a long review and I still feel like we’re short-changing you,
because there is not a moment that’s not incompetent,
stupid,
'There's an emergency in the Kremlin!'
unintentionally funny...
'You know your father was an accomplished ventriloquist.'
or unnecessarily unpleasant.
‘No offence.’
It’s dreck.
#Pained scream#
Thanks for watching.
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This goes straight into my top 5 worst movies; what’re yours?
Let us know in the comments below.
'Another rug-related death.'