I've never seen a bigger piece of bulls**t.
As a matter of fact,
I should throw this water all over the gaff.
This is not my style.
Whoa!
This is like doing a Ouija board or something.
Be you! What part of you is-
I think I can agree.
This could get competitive quickly, I think.
I'm leaving it right there.
What?
Ugh.
I don't understand why people get so scared
of pineapple on pizza.
Mm hmm.
I've had pineapple with jalapeño
on the pizza, and that is a great combination.
I just can't believe you said that.
Come on.
It's amazing.
It's disgusting.
It's fine.
No.
I've never in my life ordered a pineapple pizza.
That's unnatural.
Pineapple mixed with ham,
or mixed with bacon on pizza's f**king great.
Oh, my God.
Why don't you just gimme a bucket now
so I can barf in it?
Oh, what don't you like about it?
What do you mean, what don't I like about it?
Uh, pineapple is a fruit.
It's called a Hawaiian.
Oh. Oh, I get it.
I see what's happening.
Hey.
Oh God, because I'm...
No, it's bad.
Pineapple pizza is called Hawaiian pizza.
It was actually invented in Canada.
Yeah, no.
I grew up in Canada.
Listen, don't blame the Canadians
for your own strange tastes, you know?
I like it.
I would never normally order it.
But if someone presented to me
pineapple pizza on set and I was hungry...
So you strongly agree with it?
Well, I'll go here.
I'll go here.
Yeah. I was like...
Because you were acting like you just
I love...
Love it.
I can't remember the last time
I had pineapple on pizza, to be fair.
I didn't know that you could mix pineapple
with cheese and enjoy it. That's disgusting.
Okay. Well, what do you like on your pizza?
How about just some cheese?
Just cheese and a little tomato, and some kind of sauce.
That's it?
Yes. That's it.
No.
I don't want anything else on it.
When you got freaky with your lady,
way back in the day,
did you not put cheese on the nipples?
No!
You told me you did.
That was in confidence!
I love pineapple, but I don't like it on my pizza,
I'll tell you that.
Next one, before we have a fight.
Yeah.
You know, come on.
I'm into that.
Come on.
Yeah.
I'm just into theft in general.
Yeah, me too.
Doesn't have to be in a movie.
Yeah, it's fine.
Who owns things, you know?
That's such a weird human concept.
It's like, "Ah, this is mine."
Until it's mine.
Me?
Hearts.
Hearts, minds, souls. You name it.
Ideas, souls, moments.
Time.
Yeah. I mean, cricket is...
Okay, baseball is baseball.
Cricket's much more enjoyable then...
Is that the... Which way?
Whoa!
Yeah. Yes. I'm a huge Dodgers fan.
So you can't...
Doesn't make a difference.
It's not as fun a sport as cricket.
Yeah, I disagree, too.
I don't think... I mean, it's...
I like American football.
I just will never understand-
American football's very dangerous.
Why it's called football,
'cause they don't use their feet.
I just don't understand why it's called football.
Yeah. It should be called something different, maybe.
Throwball. Whatever you want to call it.
Throwball.
But you don't kick it.
You do kick it.
Yeah, once. Once.
Well, I'm biased.
I mean, I...
See, this is really...
This is where we break up.
Now wait... now, Aussie rules rugby, or...
No, no, no.
This is like rugby union.
This is traditional rugby.
I grew up with it.
I didn't grow up with American football, you know?
Well, nobody's perfect.
No. That's right.
No one's perfect.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Strongly agree.
There's not a pair of pants,
or a shirt that I can't find in my size.
I mean, talking about anything.
Women's sneakers, if I like 'em,
I'll just get a bigger size.
They're available for me.
Some women's pants.
I'm not afraid to admit it.
I've been in them.
You know, they've just been a better fit for me.
I got little hips.
You wear women's pants?
Well, I mean, we don't have to get into it.
But you said it.
Well, it was a pair of pants
that could have been quote on quote 'unisex'.
They weren't.
Actually, my stylist didn't tell me,
she just put me in 'em,
and I was like, "Man, these jeans are nice."
Whoa.
She was like, "Well, they're a petite fit."
First of all, I'm confident with whatever I do.
I'm just saying, that it was a shock
to know that I was in a pair of women's skinnies.
How did they feel, though?
Did they feel different?
Got to to be honest with you, DJ.
Made my ass feel amazing.
Like I told you, my hips are different.
Your hips are different.
Yeah. Whatever. We don't need to get into it...
Let's go to the next one!
Let's go to the next one.
I mean...
I have to.
I mean, look, I'm obviously a little biased,
but we have to,
we have to play,
abide by our truths.
Yeah. It's not the truth.
It's not the truth.
It's the suit for him,
and it works for him.
But if we're measuring against all the Avengers,
let's be honest.
It's not the best.
S**t, they're all better than mine.
It's a pretty good costume.
It's a pretty darn good costume.
Where I strongly agree is how nice it is to wear
compared to a lot of other costumes,
which are not so nice.
No, I love his cape.
The cape is special.
It's a cloak.
Yes. Cloak. Cloak.
Cloak, cloak, cloak.
Sorry.
Superman has a cape. Excuse me.
I have a cloak.
It depends on what position I need to be in.
Flying in the air.
We're constantly in harnesses.
Yeah.
That's a special feeling.
I'm glad I have a looser fit.
That's another...
Honestly, this is where I get,
because for me, pragmatically,
it is far less uncomfortable
than what most people have to go through.
I don't know. I disagree.
I disagree.
Me too.
What kind of superpower would you like to have?
I want to be able to hold my s**t in.
I don't want to s**t anymore.
Like, hold it in?
Yeah. I don't want to be able to s**t anymore.
Oh, so just no more s**tting?
No s**t comes out of my butt.
So not even holding? Just no more s**t.
No more. But that's my power.
If I chose to...
I could.
But my power is saying, "I don't want to today."
Ah.
I'll shut it off.
So I could eat all day.
And on that day, if I feel like going, I'll go.
But I'm like, "Not today."
That's my power.
Wow.
Yeah, s**t on command.
Boom.
Woo!
Come on.
Yeah, that's it.
I want X-Ray vision, where I can see through...
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Wait a second.
That's a little dark, buddy.
Just see through.
I just want to see through things.
What are you trying to see through, buddy?
What?
No. Like when you look out,
you see a sea of people.
Yeah, I see that. I understand.
What are you trying to see, specifically?
Just like inside people's heart. Soul.
Huh?
I don't really, I don't know.
I haven't had enough of y'all's food to know.
I'll do it for you.
Jaffa Cakes.
Can't go wrong with a Jaffa Cake.
Wow. That is really good.
You ever had a Jaffa Cake?
Mm mm.
Would you like one?
Sure.
It's like an orange.
No.
I don't like orange-flavoured things.
Try it, though.
It's not orange-flavoured.
It's actually got orange in it.
Yeah. Orange chocolate, not for me.
Try it. Try it, try it, try it, try it.
It's double tasty.
That don't smell right.
Smell it.
Smell it!
I've got it in my mouth!
Give it a smell.
I can smell it 'cause it's in my mouth.
That doesn't smell very good.
You haven't got to the orange bit yet, though.
Oh, that's going to be the worst.
No. No, no.
This is not my vibe.
It's like, if you could make something
that you don't want,
I would make this.
Okay. I'll respect that.
It's got orange filling?
Orange jelly.
No.
Absolutely not.
Can I take these, like last time?
Would you like mine?
Sure. Okay.
Yeah. I love it.
Yeah. Me too.
I love it. Yeah.
Feels that way.
Yeah.
The Star Trek fans
might have something to say about that,
but you know...
We'll ignite a war.
Yeah.
People beating each other up
in cinema queues around the world.
Yeah. Well...
Oh. No.
He does that a lot?
Yes.
I'm beginning to think now he just does it
so that I can be seen as a babysitter.
Just making wild noises and put my hands over his-
No way!
Yeah. I put my hand over his mouth and all sorts.
Are there new characters in this movie?
Ah! La la la la la la!
No. I didn't know that.
It's kind of fun.
It brightens up the day.
It makes me look like a saint,
or at least better at it than he is,
and I'm not sure I am,
or would be on my own, but with him...
Is he doing it intentionally?
I don't think so, anyway.
That's actually really charming.
It's sweet, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm not getting in trouble.
Yeah, I'm not getting in trouble, either.
I'm leaving it right there.
Part of me wanted to just flip the table,
but I was worried the legs might bang your feet.
Just right there.
Just leave it up to the people.
Yeah.
It's not for us to decide.
Best qualities as Spider...
Sorry.
Best qualities that I know.
You have the annoying capability
of doing everything very well.
Thank you.
I dunno if anybody ever saw
Lip Sync Battle...
I'm still feeling the hurt from that.
She's still hurt.
He told me that he was just going to,
we were just going to keep it chill.
So I didn't see that coming.
Listen, I didn't come to play.
I thought we were, you know,
I thought we were working together,
but it's whatever.
He has this annoying capability
of being able to do everything really well.
So, it's like, when you're watching him flip
and then land and then fight
and then do all these things,
you know, you're great at it.
And you do it with such ease.
Cheers. Cheers.
Well played.
Cheers.
Anglo-American relations are saved.
Your impression of me is pretty goddamn good.
Oh.
When you take out the phone...
Ay! Ay, hold on, hold on.
Yep. Don't worry about us. We're just talking s***.
That's it.
Ayoo! Ay ay.
I like American football.
I just don't understand why it's called football,
'cause they don't use their feet.
Yeah. It should be called something different, maybe.
Throwball.
Whatever you want to call it.
Throwball.
But you don't kick it.
You do kick it.
Yeah. Once. Once.