Oh, boy, Halo: Reach on Legendary with all skulls on!
This should be fucking fun!
RIGHT?!!
NO. IT'S NOT.
IT'S FUCKIN' HARD AS SHIT!!!
Get the fuck out of my way.
GOD DAMN IT, HOLY SHIT!
It's the first fuckin' TWO SECONDS of the level!
Motherfucker, fucking DIE, Jesus Christ!
Fuck you, skulls!
I'mma skullfuck the SHIT OUT OF YOU!!
I'm gonna get this fuckin' lil' valley named after me, I spent so much goddamn time in it!
AHHH, EAT SHIT, YOU FUCK!!
Fuck. I ate the shit.
Ahh, go over here and sneak around the side...
FUCK YOU BITCH YOU CAN'T SEE ME I'M SNEAKING!!!
I don't have nearly enough fucking ammo to kill all these assholes!!
It's like--it takes 400 clips to kill one fucking guy!
What the fuck do you want me to do, fuckin' sit down and craft some more goddamn bullets?!!
I only get half the fucking ammo for the enemies anyway, not that it MATTERS,
BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING KILL ANY OF THEM,
SO I CAN'T PICK UP THEIR FUCKING AMMO!!
FUCK ME, I'D RATHER BE ON THAT SHIP, IT'S SAFER UP THERE!
CAN YOU COME BACK AND PICK ME UP?!!
Aww, FUCK!!
Fuck ME!
DAMN it!
FUCK ME, KICKED ME RIGHT IN THE MOUTH!! God dammit!
Fuckin' Christ, ASSHOLE!
I nailed the fuckin' rock, why did I die?!
It's like a 10 point fuckin' dive! Perfect!
Stupid fuckin' Ukranian judge gave me, like, a 7, that's what happened.
Wha--whuhwuh-- *sigh of incoming rage*
WHAT THE FUCK?!!??!!
COME OONN!!!
Damn it!
Well, at least, there's one good thing about doing this
over and
OVER and
OVER AND
OVER AGAIN!!!
Look at that fuckin' view.
Aww, yeah...mmm.
I-I can't kill a fucking Grunt!
I CAN'T KILL A FUCKING GRUNT!!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHEN YOU CAN'T KILL A GRUNT?!!
JUST FUCKIN'--JUST A--AAAAAHHH!!!
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?! I'M GONNA FUCKIN' GIVE MYSELF A CHRISTMAS PRESENT!
UHH, I'M GONNA PLAY HALO, UH, REACH ON LEGENDARY ALL SKULLS ON!
LIL' GIFT TO ME,
FROM ME,
FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKIN' ASSHOLE THIS YEAR!!
This motherfucker is so goddamn lucky that you can't see my HUD,
'cus I'm FLIPPING HIM OFF RIGHT NOW!!!
FUCK YOU!!!!
Motherfucker...!
Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckfohfuckohfuckohshitohfuckohshitohshitfuck! I'll punch you in the face--God damn it!
Be vewy, vewy quiet... *Elmer Fudd laugh*
I'm hunting Covenant.
Fuck this just runningrunningrunningrunningrunningrunningohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod--
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!
YOU CAN JUST RUN ON THE SIDE?!?!!
YOU CAN JUST RUN ON THE FUCKING SIDE?!?!!!
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE BITCHEEEESSS!!!!!!!
Got it. Totally fine.
Ohh, my God, get out of there--
*horrified Michael noises*
I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT SHIT AGAIN!!
EVER!
That was like--that was like the end of the level, right?
There was like-
There was like one more...part?
And then--And that was it?
Right?
*incoherent stammer*
There was one more part?
FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T SEE ME! *pshewww*
Uuuugh, beat the shit out of you, you fuckin' Grunt!!
Suck my dick!
Fuck the Mongoose, lemme drive the goddamn Traxis!
HOLY SHIT, I CAN ACTUALLY DRIVE THE TRAXIS??!!
WOW!!
On the road again~
Gonna drive around deliverin' shit, on the road again~
Whoa, whoa, WHOA, WHOA, SLOW DOWN!!
Jesus Christ!
Fuckin' Speed Racer over here!
FUCK YOU, SCARAB! YOU CAN'T TOUCH MY TRAXIS, BITCH!
GOOOOD DAMMIT, touchin' my Traxis!
With explosions...
Just fuckin' broke my spine.
I mean, I was DEAD, so who gives a shit,
but my dead body's spine fucking SHATTERED on that column.
Just fuckin' PISS IN MY MOUTH NEXT!!
rrrRRGHH--
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit shit,
FUCK,
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT,
SHIT!
SHHIT!
SHHHIT!
No, no, no no no no no! Jesus...fuck!
God damn it, you fuckin' DRUNK!
IT'S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET! LAY OFF THE GODDAMN EGGNOG AND RUM, YOU IDIOT!!
*nervous chuckle*
Alright, Scarab, don't mind me, just a fuckin' Covenant...elite!
Drivin' on through!
Same team!
We're friends!
Don't shoot me!
NO DO NOT ENGAGE HONK HONK BARK BARK FRIENDLY FIRE!!!
FRIENDLY FIRE!!!!
I'm fuckin' drifting! I'm fuckin' drifting!
IF YOU WENT OUT OF CONTROL,
YOU AIN'T IN CONTROL, BITCHES!! *pshewww*
Holy fuck, I can't fuckin' believe how far I've made it. This is like, almost...
If I didn't have any iron on, I MIGHT be at the first checkpoint by now.
JOHN WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!!
I GOT KILLED BY A FUCKING WRAITH?!!
FUCK YOU, GOD DAMN IT--
NO, I'M DONE WITH THIS SHIT!! NOT DOING ALL THAT FUCKING CRAP ALL OVER AGAIN!
FUCK THIS GAME,
FUCK YOU ASSHOLES,
HAPPY FUCKIN' HOLIDAYS,
I'M GONNA GO FUCKIN' DRINK MYSELF INTO A GODDAMN COMA,
I'LL SEE YOU AT NEW YEAR'S!