Hey, did you hear that Pewdiepie is a Nazi?
What?
What about that Keemstar is a pedophile?
Get out.
Or did you hear that Zoie Burgher is a slut?
Say what?
Did you know that Snaggleteef is a Nazi pedophile slut?
Well yeah everyone knows that one.
To the best of my knowledge, none of those are actually true – but they
are nice pieces of gossip that would get me all the views if I was being serious.
So let’s take a look at gossip.
[Intro music]
Social mammals increase their social bonds through grooming.
When they pick lice off of each other or they clean each other’s fur,
the hormone oxytocin is released which increases the social bond with that other animal.
Humans don’t pick lice off of each other, anymore,
but we are highly social. As it turns out,
when we gossip with each other, oxytocin is also released.
You may have heard of that hormone before,
it’s the same hormone that’s released during kissing and sexy time,
the ultimate social bonding.
[first few notes of Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On’ play]
But it’s also released when we’re just trading information with people.
It’s not released during boring conversations
about math or the weather – it’s only during gossip.
So it must have some sort of evolutionary purpose.
Social animals, particularly mammals, keep track of fairness.
If after an unsuccessful day of foraging,
you head back to the den and another animal shares their food with you,
they’ll remember – that guy owes me.
If you don’t share your food with them when they have an unsuccessful day,
they’ll remember that too.
And the next time you come begging for handouts… [Mario coin]
Luckily, in an animal group, if you wrong one individual,
you’ll probably be okay since there’s going to be dozens,
if not hundreds of other individuals willing to help you that don’t know about your transgressions
Humans take it to the next level.
In your brain there is an entire excel spreadsheet keeping track of fairness.
People you owe, people who owe you,
but what makes us human is that we can keep track of the favors and misdeeds of
other people that we haven’t had a direct social interaction with… through gossip.
Gossip is a form of karma. It’s what makes the “what goes around comes around” saying true.
In an animal social group, you can cross one animal here or there,
or be stingy with your food once or twice,
and you’ll probably be okay and still be accepted by the group.
It would seem that evolution would reward greediness in this case.
But for humans, if you wrong one person,
the entire group will know about it.
Which makes the cost of greed much higher than the cost of cooperation.
Gossip is both a punishment and a protection. If you wrong someone,
the cost of that wrong will be very high.
And hearing that a person has wronged someone else is a bit of highly useful information,
since it protects you from possibly getting taken advantage of in the future.
Gossip is an essential part of human social interaction.
Almost everyone has a negative view of gossip – everyone hates gossip and drama.
Yet, almost everyone participates in gossip.
Almost three quarters of everything that we talk
about with another person is gossip about a third person.
Gossip is a social currency that you must trade in if you want to be a successful social being.
And just like real currency, some people are high-volume traders and while other
people only deal in it when they have to – but in the end, you have to play the game.
What game? Tit for tat. The reciprocity and fairness game.
Think of the phrase, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
If someone helps you, you help them.
If they brush you off, you brush them off.
The problem with this approach though is that once someone wrongs another person,
no one ever cooperates again.
Which is why humans are usually a little bit more
forgiving and play a slightly different version of the game, tit for two tats.
Meaning that if you do a favor for someone and they don’t repay you,
you’re usually willing to give them another chance.
However, gossip often counts as that first tat.
If you hear that someone took advantage of someone else,
you might think “well they didn’t do anything to me,
so they’re okay in my book.” But then when they wrong you – that one thing you heard
about along with the thing that was personally done to you both count,
so you no longer trust that person.
Then you perpetuate the cycle by telling other people about that transgression,
so even less - fewer - fewer people trust that person.
Which is why gossip is such an important social currency, and funny enough,
tit for tat also applies to gossip.
Whenever someone tells you some important piece of information about someone else,
you feel compelled to tell them something you also know.
This increases the bond between you and that other person,
since you’re both trading in social currency,
and it protects you from getting taken advantage of in the future. Because almost always,
gossip is about the social and moral wrongdoings of others. 90% of gossip is negative.
It could be about the sexual conduct of somebody else,
which is often the case in high school and college.
Someone’s work ethic or lack thereof,
as is the case in almost every workplace.
Or virtually anything else you can think of – hygiene, manners, drug habits,
weight changes, you name it. Ouch.
The point is that it’s almost always negative,
in order to protect you and others from that person.
There is little to be gained from telling
others that someone is a hard worker or hung like a horse.
But there is a lot to be gained from telling others that someone
is hung like a Shetland pony – actually that’s probably still a little too big,
hung like a shrimp – or that they sleep around a lot, or that they’re lazy.
Gossiping about positive information only increases
competition for that good person’s attention.
Whereas gossiping about negative information
protects everyone – from a boring sexual experience,
or a diseased sexual experience,
or from working with someone and ending up having to do way more than your fair share.
Sharing this information costs you nothing,
while increasing your social bonds and social standing.
People who trade in a lot of social currency feel more powerful and are more socially connected.
They’re the people who know everything about everyone.
The first person you talk to at a new job or school in order to
get the information that you need to socially succeed in that environment.
Much like moving to a new country, in the beginning,
this information will cost you – usually by providing information of your own, who you are,
what you used to do, are you married, etcetera.
But once you’re in the social circle,
you can trade in that same currency.
But there are other, more valuable,
and more risky currencies that you can trade in. Like secrets.
If normal everyday gossip is paper money,
then secrets are stocks and bonds.
If you trade a secret with someone,
your social bond with that person is made doubly
strong… and is made ever stronger the longer you keep that secret,
like earning interest. Let’s say you’re person A,
and person B tells you a secret… something really embarrassing like how they have a third nipple.
The longer you keep that person’s secret,
the more social currency interest you accrue.
You can trade that secret with other people, like persons C and D,
in order to get more value. The more people you tell,
the less valuable that stock becomes.
The less people - fewer - fewer people who know about the secret, the more valuable it is.
But if person B ever finds out that you’ve been spreading their secret,
you run the risk of completely devaluing your stock.
While you may still have a good relationship with persons C and D,
persons LMNOP will view you as untrustworthy.
While men and women both gossip about basically the same topics – sex, hygiene,
and appearance – there is a big difference in WHO men and women gossip about.
Women are more likely to trade in secrets about close friends and family members.
Whereas men usually gossip about acquaintances and public figures and celebrities.
Another way to artificially inflate your social currency
is by dealing in counterfeit. Also known as lying.
The more juicy the lie, the more currency you gain.
But if people ever find out that you’re dealing in counterfeit currency,
your entire social reputation is ruined.
This is usually where most of the negative stigma about gossip comes from. Lies and rumors.
People rarely seem to think that positive gossip
or true anecdotal stories count as gossip. But it is, it’s all gossip.
Many people also fail to realize that being part of a fandom also lends itself to gossip.
The gossip you trade doesn’t necessarily have to be about people you’ve physically interacted with.
If you watch reality TV and when the episode is over you
can’t wait to slut shame one of the real housewives to your friends on facebook,
or you watch a certain show on HBO and you can’t wait to tell people how someone died,
or you just can’t wait to tell someone how amazing a certain episode was,
that’s all gossip. You may not realize it,
but those fictional characters are, at least in your mind,
real people that you have social bonds with.
And the other fans, the people that you gossip and predict what will happen next with,
are all part of that same social circle.
If you see a movie before all of your friends,
you feel compelled to tell them about the twist ending.
Because that information makes you seem more in the know and therefore more socially powerful.
But they’ll probably hate you for spoiling the movie, so stop that… jerk.
But it doesn’t just have to be about fiction either. After a political speech,
do you catch yourself saying “can you believe what he said?” to other people?
Or when you found out that NASA found seven planets orbiting Trappist-1,
did you feel compelled to tell everyone who didn’t already know?
These are all bits of social currency that you use to increase your social standing.
Everyone participates in gossip.
Whether it’s about the lazy coworker with body odor so horrible it’s almost offensive,
the girl who seems to sleep with everyone in class,
or scientific studies that you had absolutely nothing to do with.
So the next time you feel the need to gossip-shame someone else,
maybe take a good look in the mirror and see what
social currency you’re trading in, because now, you know better.
Hey guys if you enjoyed that video or you learned something,
make sure to give that like button a click.
If you’d like to see more from me,
I put out new videos every weekend,
so make sure to spread the rumor about that subscribe button.
But in the meantime if you’d like to watch one of my older videos, how about this one?
[Outro music]