- Yeah. So the first thing to do, please ask yourself,
do you want to do this? Is this the right time to do it?
Do you feel comfortable or,
or maybe your cup is full
and you don't want to do this exercise.
This is experiential exercise.
And, um,
so we're going to be touching shame, but um
not a lot, just a little.
And then we'll be activating the
three components of
self-compassion uh,
mindfulness, common humanity
and self-kindness.
Okay.
So um, if you're,
as you're going through this,
if you find that you become too emotionally activated,
then please, um,
disengage from the,
from the instructions,
you know, or you can even turn down
your microphone
or just take
really good care of yourself.
That's self-compassion.
Sometimes not practicing
self-compassion,
especially if we have backdraft
is the most compassionate thing we can do.
So, is this something you want to do now?
That's the question.
Um,
if you want to do it,
please get a comfortable position and slowly close your
eyes.
You could also lie down. Feel free to do that.
I noticed somebody moved to their couch. Good plan.
And now you've been listening to so many words
and so what I'd like you to do is just take a nice deep
breath and just
delicious breath
and just.
(sighs)
Returning to your body,
returning to this moment.
(breathing)
And I'd like you to, um, think about an event in your life
past or present
that makes you feel,
um,
embarrassed or
mildly ashamed.
In other words, like a three on a scale of one to 10.
So for example, maybe you were ashamed,
maybe the pandemic ended and you made a dinner date with a
friend
and
you put it in the wrong place in your calendar
and then you get a text from your friends saying,
"Where are you? I'm here."
Oh, (laughs)
so it's like
embarrassed, mildly ashamed,
or
maybe it's a little more intense.
Maybe you're going through a divorce
and you think that it reflects badly on you.
Something's wrong with me.
I'm getting a divorce
or maybe don't have the money to go
out with friends like you'd like to,
and you feel bad about that.
Maybe something happened at your child's school
and now
you're going to be called in to discuss it.
You feel ashamed
or think of something like that, please.
And also don't let it be an event that you
uh, would rather not share
with others,
and you will not be sharing it with others here.
So it's important you choose a good situation before we
do this.
And when you have something in your mind
situation, um,
please allow in your mind's eye yourself to drop into the
situation and, um,
kind of see the situation.
Imagine the people there,
what was said,
but most significantly
allow yourself to remember how you
felt at the time.
So as you recall this really we're recalling how it felt,
you know, that sinking feeling that many people wrote about.
Oh, this is a good mindful practice, right?
We're turning toward the experience and we're feeling it in
our bodies.
And then see if you can label the experience in a kind way.
So if it's embarrassment,
oh, you were embarrassed.
Or if it's shame,
oh,
shame.
That's how you felt. Oh.
Naming the emotion as best you can.
For yourself.
Kindly.
And now seeing if you can, uh,
discover where in your body you
feel it the most,
if you haven't already, is it in your
gut,
is it in your solar plexus, your heart,
your throat, your face,
your head,
where do you feel shame?
And allowing as much as possible,
allow that
body sensation to be there,
making a lot of room for it, a lot of space for it.
And making space for it
because
you know that what you're experiencing is part of
the human experience.
This is part of being alive.
Embarrassment than shame is part
of the human experience,
being human.
So letting it be so because you are a human being,
In fact, in this very moment on this call
with all your brothers and sisters
and the mindfulness training.
Teacher training,
Everybody's feeling something similar.
This is a uni-universal
human experience shame.
So even though in this moment,
you might feel quite isolated and alone, right?
When it happened, you've probably felt very alone like, oh.
Even in that experience, you are connected to others.
So that's the nature of shame to feel so alone.
But that aloneness
connects us.
We all know it.
And now is
see if you can imagine yourself as a
actually first,
see if you can bring to mind a very young child.
In fact, like a child that's just born.
Can you bring to mind a child is just born.
And perhaps connecting with this child's vulnerability.
That the child needs so much.
And also connecting with a natural wish that you may have to
give that child what it needs.
Some comfort, some warmth.
And now shifting to yourself, knowing that you,
at one point in your life was just like that
you too were born.
You too
were vulnerable. You too.
Wish to be loved,
wish to be held,
wished to be connected.
And as you do this,
maybe you're going to start to have a little back draft.
Think about the times when it didn't happen,
but let's get to when you were very young,
just stay there for a moment,
very young.
And you just had this very natural universal
wish
to be loved.
So just connecting for now, just with a wish,
not the story associated with just the wish
to be loved,
Which are maybe some other language works better.
Wish to be appreciated,
wish to belong,
wish to be connected.
And now see if you can connect that wish with the experience
of shame.
Is it not so,
that that wish,
if you didn't have this wish
you wouldn't actually feel ashamed.
Because in that moment of shame, this,
it was still true.
You just wanted to be a good person.
You wanted to be valued.
You wanted to be liked.
You wanted to be
prized,
treasured
adored, held.
You still do don't you?
So, so just connecting for a moment now with the wish to be
loved,
that lies
beyond deeply within
the primordial wish to be
loved
that gives
shame so much power and energy.
Feeling your own innocence.
The innocence with which you were born.
Okay?
And now
that we've connected with that wish and our own
universal wish to be loved and vulnerability,
we can give ourselves some kindness.
So what I'd like you to do please,
is to take your hand into, if it feels right to you,
to put it over that part of your body,
that felt shame or feels shame.
Just put it over that part of your body.
Allow yourself to feel your hand
sense of touch, the warmth.
Even imagining love and kindness,
flowing through your fingers, into your body.
Letting it happen.
Receiving for now, the love that you need.
The love that your body needs.
Cause it's been holding this feeling for so long.
And lastly,
I'd like you to imagine
that somebody walked into your room
right now and whispered into your ear,
the words that you need to hear right now.
Words that you need to hear right now.
If someone were to just say just the right words,
what would they be?
I was saying,
if you can allow those words in
letting them land inside of
you.
Words like, I love you. I trust you.
I believe in you.
You have what it takes.
I'm here for you.
You're a good person.
You are a good, what do you need to hear?
Offering that to yourself?
Okay. And now let's begin to release the practice.
You can always go back to this on your own,
but for now keeping your eyes closed and just releasing the
practice
and allowing yourself to rest in your experience.
Allowing your experience to be, as it is,
allow yourself to feel in this moment,
whatever you're feeling.
Before we open our eyes, just to recall what we did.
So first we,
uh, named shame or embarrassment.
We found it in the body. We made room for it.
Mindfulness.
Second part, common humanity.
We understood that shame
is a universal human emotion,
but also
what's universal is that it comes from the wish to
be loved.
We started to connect with that
innocent
need
in all of us.
And then we,
uh, gave ourselves love we need in simple ways,
physically touching the part of the body that was aching,
offering ourselves the words that we need to hear.
So before your eyes, you open your eyes,
knowing that you can
do this for yourself
in part or whole,
any time you feel shame
and see how it works in your life.
So finally, before you're open you open your eyes,
see,
if
in this very moment,
you can allow the experience of this practice
and yourself
to be just as you are.
Allowing your experience of this practice
to have been just as it was
no different.
And as you open your eyes to allow yourself to be
just as you are
just like at this
hundred percent
human.