My in-laws hate me, what to do. My name is Paul Friedman, I'm the founder
of The Marriage Foundation. I'm going to try to help you with this.
If your in-laws hate you from their point of view there's a reason
and chances are the reason is that they don't feel that you're good
enough for their child and
if they see something that your spouse is missing
it's not going to hurt you to take a look
at who you are as a person. Don't think in terms of how do I win them over.
You'll be shoveling ocean water as the tide is coming in
that won't work. It's not how it works instead, take this
as a sign to you that you're not perfect. Oh my God, I'm sorry.
Okay, none of us are perfect -- it's true but did you know that one of the
requirements for having a happy marriage
is to constantly work on yourself, constantly reduce the number of flaws
that you're burdened with and constantly add habits to your repertoire
of behavior so that over the years even over the months, you
progressively become a better human being. Now,
it may not win them over. I cannot promise you that it will
however, I can't promise you that at some point, whether they hate you or
love you, you'll reach a point where it doesn't matter
because you will be winning over the person who is closest to you,
your spouse. They're the ones you need to please. You should be
infusing your marriage constantly with love,
giving your spouse appreciation, compliments,
true compliments not insincere. You should be refashioning your mind
so that you're seeing them through the eyes of a mother
even if you're the man. Mothers don't see the flaws of their children
or they accept them as little birthmarks or something
and that's how to make your marriage so happy that it really doesn't matter what
your in-laws think. Your marriage, you got married to
be happy, didn't you? You got married to experience unfolding
love, ongoing ever-increasing love,
ever-increasing marriage. Isn't that why you got married?
Maybe you didn't say it out loud but wasn't that the expectation?
Shouldn't that be the expectation? It should be
and here you are
pining over not gaining the appreciation and the love from your
in-laws when you should be going, "Who cares? Who's got the time anyway? I
want to make my spouse the happiest man or the happiest
woman on earth out of my love for them."
Change your focus. You're not going to sell
them. They're not going to come around
and you shouldn't really care. Now, if it has some implications in your
marriage the first step is to do what I just said.
Work on yourself, use one of my books but if your marriage is sliding towards
divorce because of the interference and your spouse is picking up and
starting to side with them then get one of the courses.
You can fix this. You cannot fix them, you cannot win them over. I guarantee you
that but you can make your marriage so
incredibly powerfully positive that it won't matter
and that's the way to go here. So subscribe to the videos,
like this one. Hopefully, this has proven to you
how you see it from how I conveyed it that that's accurate
when I'm sharing, think about it. Write into one of our counselors
if you need more help. Take a look at our videos,
articles, The Marriage Foundation is here for you.
Let us be of service. All right, I'm going to leave it there.
God bless you! God bless your spouse! God bless your
in-laws and God bless your family!