MINUTIA.
GREG: GROUNDBREAKING JOURNALISM.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
ANOTHER WEEK ANOTHER DEPARTURE
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MANY QUICK
EXITS SINCE TO FULLY SERVE THAT
BAD MEAT.
[LAUGHTER]
I SURVIVED.
THIS IS HAS MORE LINEUP CHANGES
THAN VAN HALEN AND IF SAMMY
HAGAR BECOMES CHIEF OF STAFF, I
AM OUT.
HE WAS NO DAVID LEE ROTH.
NOW IT IS REX GETS ASKED.
THERE IS A MAJOR BREAKING NEWS
THIS MORNING FROM THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION.
MOMENTS AGO THE PRESIDENT
ANNOUNCED REX TILLERSON IS OUT
AND SECRETARY OF STATE, OUSTED
WOULD BE MORE ACCURATE HERE.
HE WILL BE REPLACED BY THE
CURRENT HEAD OF THE CIA, MIKE
POMPEO.
GREG: SO SAD.
I LOVE THE GUY.
HE HAD THE VOICE OF SAM ELLIOTT
AND THE STURDY BODY OF JOHN
GOODMAN.
[LAUGHTER]
HE SEEMED LIKE THE KIND OF DUDE
WHO COULD CHANGE A TIRE WITH HIS
BARE HANDS AND CRUSH A CAN OF
WHILE DOING ARM CURLS USING A
TEENAGER.
DON'T DO CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER,
REX.
DON'T DO REALITY SHOWS
ESPECIALLY NAKED AND AFRAID.
I WANT TO REMEMBER YOU THE WAY
YOU WERE.
>> REX.
♪
>> REX. ♪.
GREG: SEE WHAT I MEAN?
HIS REPLACEMENT IS MIKE POMPEO
AND POMPEO'S REPLACEMENT IS GINA
POSSIBLE.
SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY ABOUT
THE SPARE BUT THEY AIN'T AUSSIE
AND HARRIET.
STUDY BY THE MEDIA'S FRAZZLE THE
RESPONSE IS FUNNY AND HITLER.
>> SHUT HER TENURE AT THE CIA
FOR THAT PERIOD OF TIME THE
CONTROVERSY OLD PORTER PROGRAM
SHOULD THAT BE A BLACK MARK ON
HER?
>> THERE BEEN MANY PUBLIC
STORIES LINKING HER TO TORTURE.
>> NOT MUCH ELSE WE KNOW IN
TERMS OF BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
STUFF FROM MIKE POMPEO'S TIME AT
CIA.
WHEN HE HAS HAD TO SPEAK
PUBLICLY SOMETIMES HE SAID
THINGS ABOUT RUSSIA THAT ARE
COMPLETELY UNTRUE.
GREG: I HAVE A GOLDEN ROLE.
IF YOUR CHIEF COMPLAINT IS THAT
THESE PEOPLE ARE TOO HARD ON
TERRORISTS, NOT A COMPLAIN I
LISTEN TO.
THIS IS WHAT I CALL AN ASSET TO
BE TREASURED.
GO SCREW YOURSELF.
[APPLAUSE]
THESE TWO, IN MY OPINION, THEY
SEEM PERFECT TOGETHER.
THEY ARE LIKE A FEARSOME TAGTEAM
IN THE WORLD'S MOST UNSTABLE
OCTAGON, EARTH.
IT WILL BE THE MOST EXCITING
CONFIRMATION HEARING EVER.
>> GET READY TO GO UNDERCOVER
AND OVER THE TOP IS THE CREATORS
OF THE WHITE HOUSE HEAVEN
TRUMBULL EXTRAVAGANZA.
IF THE CONFIRMATION ANNIHILATION
DOMINATION.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
GREG: SO,
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] GREG: SO, WE KNOW THE GRIPE THEY
ARE SAYING THAT THE WOMAN HERE
TORTURED BUT THAT IS ONLY AN
OPINION AND ONE THAT IS OFF THE
MARK.
TURNS OUT THE MOST REPEATED
ACCUSATIONS LEVIED AT HER HAD TO
BE RETRACTED BUT REALLY ANYTHING
CAN BE TORTURED ESPECIALLY TO
PEOPLE WHO THINK RUNNING OUT OF
KALE, GUACAMOLE AT WHOLE FOODS
IS AGONY.
SO I ASK, AS THOSE WHO THINK
ENHANCED INTERROGATION IS EVIL,
WHAT IS YOUR ALTERNATIVE?
WHAT REPLACEMENT DO YOU HAVE FOR
WATERBOARDING?
LET ME GUESS.
♪.
GREG: I AGREE.
THAT IS WORSE THAN
WATERBOARDING.
BOTTOM LINE IS IF YOU HAVE TO
MAKE A TERRORIST TALK IN ORDER
TO SAVE LIVES THEN EVERYTHING
SHOULD BE ON THE TABLE INCLUDING
FILMS, TOES AND NOSES.
A LOT OF MEDIA CRITICS HAVE THE
LUXURY OF NOT HAVING TO FACE
SUCH DILEMMAS.
IN THEIR SHINY STUDIOS THEY
PARROT THE SAME OLD POINTLESS
PHRASE, BUT WE ARE BETTER THAN
THAT.
I'M NOT.
[LAUGHTER]
I WILL ADMIT IT.
I AM WHAT IS CALLED A BAD PERSON
I WILL ADMIT IT. I AM WHAT IS CALLED A BAD PERSO
PERSON, TERRIBLE EVEN.
THE MEDIA HOWEVER ACTS AS IF
GETTING DOWN IN THE STREET WITH
YOUR ENEMY ONLY MAKES THE
TERRORISTS HATE YOU MORE.
SORRY, I CAN'T SEE HOW THEY
COULD DO WORSE TO US THE 911.
YEAH, I'M SURE ISIS WISHED WE'D
STUCK TO THE HIGH GROUND BECAUSE
THEN THEY WOULD STILL BE GRADING
STEALTHY STICKS OUT OF
WESTERNERS HEADS.
HURT THEIR FEELINGS OR THEIR
FACES SO.
>> WHAT?
FOR ONCE, LET'S PROUDLY AND
LOUDLY SAY WE ARE NOT BETTER
THAN THAT BECAUSE UNDER CONTROL
BUT IT SEEMED TO BE WORKING.
WE DIDN'T LOWER THE BAR WE
REMOVED THE DAMN THING.
[APPLAUSE]
IF YOU MUST, THEN BY ALL MEANS
SAY WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT.
THE PATRIOTS WHO THINK OTHERWISE
CONTINUE TO SAVE YOUR ASS.
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS SO SMART SHE LEFT THE
VIEW.
[LAUGHTER]
AUTHOR, AND COLUMNIST, JEDEDIAH.
HE IS SO SHARP THAT AND JUST
THROW HIM AT THEIR ENEMIES, FOX
NEWS CONTRIBUTOR CHARLIE.
[APPLAUSE]
HER FAVORITE BEVERAGE IS A KIT
AND TEARS, NATIONAL REPORTER,
KAT SIMS.
[APPLAUSE]
AND ENTER TYRUS, READY TO QUIT
AND THE SHIP FROM THE HIT, CHRIS
AND THE SHIP FROM THE HIT, CHRI
CHRIS.
[APPLAUSE]
JEDEDIAH, WELCOME BACK TO BOXES.
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION.
THE VIEW, WHO HAD THE WORST
BREATH?
COME ON.
>> PROBABLY ME BECAUSE I USED TO
EAT BEFORE THE SHOW.
GREG: WHAT A COPOUT.
[LAUGHTER]
WE KNOW OTHER WORDS.
>> NO ONE HAD BAD BREATH.
QUESTION AND I'M JUST GOING TO
SAY -- WORST BREATH?
GREG: SOMEONE WORKED AT ABC FOR
A YEAR AND THINGS THEY COULD
GIVE ME ADVICE.
>> I USED TO BE CHEESE AND
CHEESE FLAVORED THINGS) WENT ON
AND I USED TO ALWAYS BE PARANOID
ABOUT IT.
GREG:
ABOUT IT. GREG: I CAN SMELL IT.
YOU ARE RIGHT.
DISCUSSING THE LET'S TALK THE
TOPIC AT HAND.
EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT JOB
CHANGES AND THE CHAOS AND IS
THIS BAD OR IS THIS A BUNCH OF
MEDIA HYSTERIA?
>> MEDIA HISTORY.
I THINK THIS HAPPENS EVERY
ADMINISTRATION THAT YOU TALK
ABOUT THE PEOPLE SHUFFLE IN AND
OUT.
THE ISSUE HERE IS OBVIOUSLY THAT
IS DONALD TRUMP AND EVERYONE IS
WAITING FOR MOSTLY IN THE MEDIA
WAITING FOR THE NEXT BREADCRUMBS
TO FALL SO THEY CAN PICK ON IT.
I THINK SOME OF THESE ARE WEIRD
FOR HIM LIKE HONESTLY LOOKING AT
IT HE IRAN AS A GUY WHO WAS A
NONINTERVENTIONIST KIND OF GUY
AND THAT'S WHAT I LIKED ABOUT
HIM.
I'M A LIBERTARIAN AND I DON'T
WANT TO NATION BUILDING OVER
THERE AND CHANGING UP LEADERSHIP
AND NOW HE'S PICKING THESE
HAWKISH PEOPLE.
GREG: BOTH HIM AND THEY'RE NOT
ON THE SAME PAGE.
>> EVEN THIS LADY WITH THE
WATERBOARDING, LIKE
WATERBOARDING OR NOT SHE SEEMS
VERY HAWKISH TO ME.
THIS DOESN'T FIT THE BRAND.
GREG: I DON'T THINK SHE EVER
WATER BOARDED ANYONE.
I THINK THEY HAD TO RETRACT A
LOT OF THINGS, CHARLES, THAT SHE
SAID SHE HAD DONE.
CHARLES, YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
YOU CAN TALK TO THE CONFIRMATION
HEARINGS --
>> OR STORMY DANIELS?
GREG: IF YOU LIKE.
I DO HAVE SOME REGIONAL STATES.
>> WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS?
GREG: CONFIRMATION HEARINGS.
>> FIRST OF ALL, DONALD TRUMP
PICS THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE
INDISCRIMINATE WITH HIM YET HE
GETS CLOBBERED IN THE MEDIA FOR
BEING SOMEONE WHO ONLY SURROUNDS
HIMSELF BY YES-MEN AND THE
EVIDENCE FOR THAT ARE ALL THAT
NO MAN THAT HE STARTS OFF BY SO
THE GUY CAN'T WIN EITHER WAY.
I AGREE WITH YOU, THE MEDIA
MAKES THE STUFF UP BUT ONE OF
THE THINGS THAT DONALD TRUMP HAS
BEEN SO BRILLIANT ABOUT, HE IS
SO GOOD AT PICKING THE RIGHT
FIGHTS AT THE RIGHT TIME AND
THIS IS THE BEST FIGHT.
BY HAVING CONFIRMATION HEARINGS
WITH SECRETARY OF STATE AND YOUR
DIRECTOR OF THE CIA IS FOR GOING
INTO TALKS WITH A MILITANT
NUCLEAR NATION THAT WANTS TO
ERASE US AND DEMOCRATS ARE
SAYING -- WE DON'T LIKE THIS AND
THEY HAVEN'T GOT THE TRANSIENTS
AND AMERICA SHOULD BE LIKE, SHUT
UP, GIVEN WHAT HE NEEDS.
GREG: CAT, I KNOW YOU LOVE
ENHANCED INTERROGATIONS SO THIS
IS A BRUSH HUNDRED BREATH OF
FRESH AIR FOR YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
KAT: I AGREE WITH JEDEDIAH.
I'M A LIBERTARIAN AND I DON'T
LIKE TO SEE THESE HAWKISH PEOPLE
GOING IN.
IT'S ALSO MIKE POMPEO WHO IS
SUPPORTIVE OF UNCONSTITUTIONAL
IS FINE PRETTY AND NSA.
GREG: I SAID I'M A BAD PERSON.
KAT: THAT'S WHY GREG GAVE ME
THAT WONDERFUL QUESTION.
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE PEOPLE
AROUND HIM THAT ARE
NONINTERVENTIONIST AND I THINK
WE WASTE SO MUCH MONEY AND
REALIZE OVERSEES THE THINGS WE
DON'T HAVE ANY BUSINESS DOING IN
THE FIRST PLACE.
GOVERNMENT ALSO DOESN'T HAVE
BUSINESS SPYING ON ME
UNCONSTITUTIONALLY.
GREG: NO ONE IS FINE ON YOU.
KAT: THEY ARE THOUGH.
>> YOU ARE CONUNDRUM TO ME.
WHEN I USED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
POLITICS WERE SMALL GOVERNMENT
GUY AND THEN WHEN IT COMES TO
THIS NATIONAL SECURITY STUFF FOR
WATERBOARDING OR NSA IT'S LIKE
BRING THE GOVERNMENT IN, SPY AND
EVERYBODY.
GREG: LOOK AT MY HANDS.
THIS IS SECURITY AND THIS IS
FREEDOM.
THEY DO NOT FIGHT.