In our culture, you know, if you don't have cow, then you wouldn't be able to get married.
Basically, you have to pay 100 cows.
Definitely if a guy doesn't have a dowry, your family will not give you to that guy.
They would definitely refuse.
Normal cow is like 1000 USD.
It's a lot of money.
You get married now, you have to pay $70,000 cash.
In the past there was clearly some cultural traits into why people did it
but now it seems much more commercial.
You're the daughter of this person, you're educated, you're beautiful
you're tall, you're that, so more, and more.
It's a pressure.
A pressure because in a way the expected has to be done.
all the difficulties that come with it, you can't say you're not going to do it.
I'm going to be walking down like a princess.
It's so pretty, I love it.
Takes, what, 8 hours of talking?
Because what her family said, they say they need 100 cows.
But I don't have 100 cows.
And they already knew that I'm a youngster, I didn't work for a long time,
so they understand, they just say, okay, whatever you have now, give it to us, we don't really
mind.
I'm from Southern Sudan.
I came here to Australia six years ago, went to language school, then I went to TAFE
did some courses and then I just got myself a job.
I've been working for three years, basically to be able to afford 100 cows.
I tried everything I could, becauseI really want to marry my wife.
I had two jobs before.
I paid, like 55 cows by myself.
And then my uncle paid 10 cow, and then my Mum gave me a loan for 5 cow, then after they
accepted what I had, I was pretty happy I'm with my missus now
If you love your missus, you have to pay it.
I was so happy.
I don't know which word to use, but it was so happy
Because it was the day I'd been waiting for, and finally the wedding was so perfect, and
I loved everything.
I'm from South Sudan, Dinka when my family has fortune, to give them the
dowry, it's like exchange of something because of
how they raised me up, how I went to school, and all these things that they spent on me.
That's why they ask him that he can bring dowry for exchange, to pay them back.
Oh, they would definitely refuse, and never given me to him
They expect the dowry.
If you don't have it, you will not get
a girl.
I haven't paid the dowry yet, or not as much as is acceptable, or is usually demanded
I'm usually known as Tut Pal, that's my nickname I've lived in Australia since 2003, more than
12 years now I'm close to 13 years
We live here, in a family, got our two beautiful daughters.
We are a family.
But as far as the traditional steps are concerned I haven't taken those steps yet.
There are things that are a lot more difficult to do now then they would be if we were all
in South Sudan Back thereI would have head of cattle, for
the family, part of that will go towards your dowry, if you're a man that's going to get
married.
That's not the case here.
The dowry here falls on the person, on the young person themselves, on the man.
It means there's real pressure and a real struggle to try to get that done as well as
running a family.
I've got a mortgage, kids, looking after a family back home
It also plays in the social side of things.
If you haven't done it, you get asked, when are you going to do it?
Why are you not doing it?
Do you have intention of doing it?
Those sort of questions.
I've been asked, even by my nieces and nephews, there would be like,
you've had two kids now, where is the wedding?
My name is Nyabana Riek, I'm from South Sudan, I have been in Australia since 1995.
That makes it about 20 years.
We nearly did it a couple of years ago, but things went really bad in the country and
we weren't able to go because the family...
some of them passed away, some of them were displaced.
That sort of thing.
So we had to park it until things changed.
So that's why I'm not too worried about it.
and if someone asks, then I just tell them that's what it is.
It had to be postponed.
Our family have been understanding and they trust Tito that he will eventually, when the
time comes, he will pay what he needs to pay, what is asked of him.
My family-in-law are very understanding, they come from a background where they value individuals
choices, and allow people to make their own plans, and do things when it's right.
That has helped.
It's like they don't want to change, because of the economic structures, and because of
the young people's view.
Most of them don't see the need for it anymore Having said that, initially, it will have
resistance.
So bringing it up will be difficult.
If any young person wants to talk about it it will be dismissed.
What do you know about dowries?
This is how we've always done it.
It's not going to change.
I've always seen the dowry system not to be consistent with the things that they say it
stands for For example they say, the dowry system stands
for respecting the fact that the family has raised this woman.
But then the question is, why don't you pay the same for the boys?
Because boys have been raised by their families.
My name is Nyadol Nyuon, I came to Australia in 2005 with my family.
I've gone to school, studied a new role, training as a graduate lawyer.
It's something that my mother has been raised with - that is part of our identity, something
that she sees is recognising an effort in bringing us up as good South Sudanese women.
Whatever that means to her.
She appreciates that because of the conflict in South Sudan.
I was raised in a refugee camp.
I don't think I have as much insight in to what it really means as a whole for her, the
system of the dowry itself.
There's also the question of how does that influence their status quo as women in a society.
Because a man can pay for the dowry, what does that mean?
Does that mean that I have less rights to my children, for example?
Does that mean that it makes it more difficult to divorce, because if I divorce then my family
have to refund back that dowry that might have been spent already.
The Australian law is not going to refund you.
You're not going to court and saying, well, I paid $60,000 for this woman, and the dowry
I would like that it be refunded in some way.
I would prefer that nobody pays dowry for my daughter.
That's my position.
I would rather you use that money in this really expensive world - put it in a bank
acocunt for them and hope they can put down a deposit for a house or something.
For my daughters, 80 cows each.
I'm going to be wealthy.
For my daughters, I don't really know what will happen, in their time.
I can't say it won't be part of what we do.
Even if it's only being done as symbolism, as a step that we take as part of this process.
Maybe not 80 cows, but something that we take that symbolises dowry.
I'm okay continuing it.
Because it is unique, and the day that it happens is such a happy day.
You see the mothers of the bride, and the aunties.
It's such a proud moment.
It takes them back to the day the girl was born, and to have her come of age, to celebrate
it in this way with people who have come and are willing to pay something so they can take
it.
It's just so much fun.
He does everything that I need.
He always makes me happy.
And he treats me like a princess.
I love him.
what I love about my missus; she listens to what I say.
She really reads my brain.
And she's a good cook.
That's pretty good!
So yeah, everything is good.
I'm happy.