I was debating on making this video about sexual predators in 12-step
programs but I was inspired by the metoo movement as well as the new how will I
change movement and all I could do is speak my truth so stick around because
this is something that we need to talk about what's up everybody this is Chris
from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but we focus on the
solution and yes sexual predators in 12-step programs are a big problem but
we're gonna talk about that problem and then we're gonna dive into the solution
I have to start this video out with a big fat disclaimer because I need to let
you know that 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics
Anonymous saved my life and I wouldn't change it for the world and the best way
that I can put this into words is by reading this quote from the a a big book
which states we miss the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were
diverted by the ugliness of some of its trees so yes there are some sexual
predators in 12-step programs but the programs as a whole are amazing and they
can save your life it's just I need to warn you because I'm the type of guy
where I'm not gonna sit here and sugarcoat it and say that every meeting
that you go to is just filled with amazing people because the reality is
there's some scumbags in there too so hopefully by the end of this video I'll
be able to provide you with some solutions that can help you whether
you're a woman or a guy who just really needs to get his act together
so what I was seeing this how will I change hashtag and thinking about what I
could do because I I do a lot already and this is something that I've always
seen and thought about but I haven't really spoken up about it and I'm gonna
share with you a few stories for my friends who are women in the program and
this first one is what comes to mind when I think about this so one of my
friends who I actually used to party with and she saw me
worse she ended up getting three duis here in Las Vegas which resulted in her
going to jail for I believe about six months one day when I was driving home
from work I saw her walking across the street and I pulled over I was like hey
do you want me to give you a ride and she told me she was on her way to a
local club we have here in Las Vegas not that kind of Club an AAA Club and this
this place it's huge they have three or four meeting rooms it's a hangout spot
they got a coffee bar they got like pool tables and video games and like people
just go there and hang out so I was like cool I could use a meeting like I'll
give you a ride and I'll hang out for the meeting and we get there and as soon
as we go outside hanging out and having a smoke all these guys one by one just
keep coming up to her and just saying like oh you're new here oh hey my name's
Sarah and so this is my name here's my number if you ever need help in your
early recovery please get ahold of me and I'm sitting there and I'm like are
you kidding me right now now I want to make it clear people are very friendly
when you're first coming into the program but it was very clear that they
were preying on her because she was a brand-new vulnerable woman coming into
the program how do I know this because not one of these men said hi to me and
this is a meeting that I never go to so I was not a familiar face for all they
knew I could have been my first day clean and they would have had no idea
because they focus all their attention on her and this is such a scummy thing
to do preying on women who are just getting
sober in their most vulnerable state and speaking of a vulnerable state I have to
share this next story what if my now friends moved out to Las Vegas in order
to get clean and sober and when she got here there was some mix-up with the
sober living she was moving into and thank God for the women in the program
who helped her out during this time but this young woman had lost
connections with her family they didn't want anything to do with her or anything
like that so when she first got here to Las Vegas she went into a meeting and
she shared in that meeting just a complete wreck about how she doesn't
have any family she doesn't have anything and she's basically homeless
after that meeting a man walked up to her and he said a girl as pretty as you
should never have to be homeless like are you kidding me right now
those of you who are in the program and have ever been to a meeting you know how
hard it is to even open up and get vulnerable and share in front of people
and this guy found that that was the right opportunity for him to go over
there and hit on her in while she's in this completely vulnerable state like
this is the kind of stuff that just enrages me lastly I have to share this
story with you as well and it actually happens to be with the same young woman
who was just in the last scenario I shared about we always say don't date in
early recovery and the list of reasons why is endless and I will make videos
more about that for both men and women but one of the main reasons is because
there are some very scummy people in the program and those of you who are clean
and sober you know when we first get clean and all our drugs or alcohol
whatever it was was our life that's what we were connected to once you take those
away we're immediately drawn to people we
need to fill that void with something and my friend she was going to meetings
and there was this guy in there and he was these are her words he was mr. AAA
every meeting he was sharing he was saying very inspirational things and he
looked like the guy when it comes to Alcoholics Anonymous
this guy had two or three years under his
and when he started showing her attention obviously she was willing you
know good-looking god she's new in recovery this guy clearly has his stuff
together but if you've been around meetings long enough you know that
there's a big difference between being able attack the talk in the meetings and
rock the rock outside of the meetings so he ends up asking her out and they start
dating and she thinks this has to be a good idea because just look at the way
he shares in meetings he must be a good guy he must have his act together but
that was not the case this guy had very bad intentions he ended up breaking her
heart which almost led to her relapse but thank God she was in a sober living
with women who were there to support her and then this guy went on to hook up
with multiple other women in the program and she found out that that was this
guy's game he finds new women in the program to show off to date um hook up
with them and then kick them to the curb and this infuriates me see personally
for me like I'm not innocent when it comes to never being a scumbag to women
but when I got sober I raised the bar for myself some people they say okay
just getting clean that's what I'm setting my bar but as I started working
this program I realized that I was a dirtbag in all aspects of my life and I
didn't want to have to hurt women anymore let alone my family my son my
friends and all these other people but there are so many people in the program
where their bar is at the bare minimum of just getting clean and they still use
abuse manipulate women take advantage of them and this brings me back to the next
quote from the a a big book selfishness self-centeredness that we think is the
root of our troubles driven by a hundred forms of fear self delusion
self seeking and self-pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they
retaliate that's right when we get clean when we get sober we
have to learn how to be weird of selfishness and I don't know about you
but I literally cannot think of anything more selfish than putting your own
libido ahead of the priority of somebody else's sobriety that is probably the
most selfish thing that one of us can do to another human being in the program
some of you know exactly when I'm talking about if you've been around the
program long enough how many people have you seen relapse because of a
relationship any respectable man in the program would know how vulnerable women
in the program all when they first get there this is completely different than
the outside world like men try to justify this by saying she liked me she
wanted to date me it was consensual and I hate I absolutely hate to use this
analogy but to me it's as disgusting as being a pedophile even if a young person
consented to these acts they are not mentally develop enough to make these
types of conscious decisions so using that as some type of scapegoat for your
own terrible malicious behavior is absolutely disgusting to me people
coming into this program are completely broken and they are looking they are
reaching for anything to clutch on - and let me play it out for you real simple
you are not what they need to cling on to they need to work on their own
self-esteem their own self-worth their own self-love these are the things that
should be their priority and if you gave a damn about their recovery if you were
properly working this program you would let them heal before you tried any type
of a relationship with the women just getting clean in the program
but now it's time to talk about the solutions so first this message is for
you if you are a man who falls into any of the categories that I just talked
about you need to get better quit being a scumbag because you are being a
garbage human being and you are being a disgrace to these 12-step programs that
are meant to save people's lives so cut it out but the fact that there
are billions of people on this planet and you know your vision down to the
newcomer is repulsive and I have to apologize because in my other video that
I'm gonna link up here the info card wall is giving tips about dating in
recovery I made a joke about this about not dating newcomers but this is a real
actual issue don't do it okay people are hanging on by a thread when they first
get clean and it is extremely selfish of you to put that at jeopardy just because
you think that they are cute remember this we practice these principles in all
our affairs that means even when it comes to our relationships and our own
need to be in relationships scratch that not need but what the second solution is
pointed at you ladies stick with the women I hate to say this like I hate
having to learn women about scummy guys out there I hate having to do that but
this is one of the reasons why we say women stick with the women and men stick
with the men because there are just far too many people out there who are not
working this program properly and there are being sexual predators
so women stick with the women found that female support group learn to love
yourself you don't mean any guy in early recovery to help you
with your sobriety you can heal and you can get better and you have women to
fall back on gay and women's meetings a common excuse that I hear all the time
from women in early recovery is but I don't like women I get along with men
better I get it I'm the same way I get along with women better than men but I
need to tell you this right now get over it you got to get over it because I
cannot tell you how many women I've met who an early recovery said I don't get
along with women and now that they have a year two years multiple years of
sobriety or they can talk about is how they found women who they could rely on
and recovery and now they stick with their women so just remember that you
got to give it a chance not only just to avoid potential sexual predators in the
program but to learn how to feel empowered as a woman and I know as a man
I'm not a great person to talk about this but I'm letting you know what I've
seen from my experience dealing with women who are in recovery so just
remember we are a program that is meant to save lives and we need to start
talking about these people who are making the program as a whole
look terrible because people are not coming in because of matters like this
and it has to change here's the question of the day what is your me to story
about sexual predators in 12-step programs leave them in the comments
below because the more you share the more we can open up a dialogue about
this and potentially find even more solutions again for you men out there be
better but if you like this video be sure to give it a thumbs up if you have
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see you next time