(bell tinkling)
- Howdy, howdy.
- Hi there.
- Welcome.
- So I hear you guys don't have a menu, right?
- No, we'll just chat you through it.
- Then we'll throw together
something special especially for you.
What's your middle name.
- Mike, oh sorry, my middle name?
- Yeah, just the middle one.
- Davis.
- Great.
What are you feelin' like today, Davis?
Something complex?
Simple?
Paradoxical?
- Just, you know, something simple, easy, you know, classic.
- Excellent, and are you good with dairy
or would you like to try one of our non-dairy options?
We have almond, sorbet, banana, oat, coconut, cashew.
- Soy, rice, hemp, fake.
- Just milk, please.
- And how high is your threshold for unctuousness?
Do you like awful?
- In ice cream?
- Would you see your biggest fear is regret or death?
- Um.
- Tell me about bee stings.
- Like have I had any?
- Oh cool.
- If you could only pick one, ube or taro?
- I don't know what those are.
- They're tubers.
- Oh, I'm good thank you.
- Favorite color?
Now really think about this one.
- Blue.
- No, come one, really think about it.
- (chuckles) Mm, blue.
- Take a walk, think about it, when you're ready come back.
(bell tinkles)
- Sea foam.
- Great, now tell me about your shower habits.
It's been three days, right?
- No, I mean no, I showered the other day.
- Is it a water conservation thing
or are you just like that?
- No, okay, I don't know why any of this is relevant.
Look, can I just get a banana split, whip cream, cherry,
no almonds, just the regular thing, but no almonds.
- So something comforting, familiar, makes you feel safe
like you're still living at home?
- Okay, all right, I see what you guys are doin'.
We're a special little ice cream artist
and we're gonna make fun of the guy with the simple order
because he's so basic.
For your information I moved
outta my parents place years ago.
I'm a grad student.
- Getting your PhD?
- Second PhD.
Mid to late 19th century French-Canadian philosophy.
I'm not some guy in a basement,
I'm a guy in a loft downtown.
I got classes and a lot of important stuff to do.
So if we could just--
- Right, like carefully crafting a social bubble
that mirrors the safety of childhood.
- Using the comfortable familiarity and structure
of school to avoid having to grow up and face
what you perceive to be the real world.
- Clinging to a memory by wearing throwback sneakers
ironically, but not ironically.
- And though you flipped it inside out,
presumably because of a stain,
that's clearly a Ninja Turtles tee.
- No, I, okay--
- You still think of yourself as blue
even though deep down you're ready for sea foam
but you're afraid to leave home.
Why can't you leave home Michael Davis Warren?
- Because when I was eight years old I went on a vacation
with my mommy and my daddy and we left my dog Boomer
with my neighbor and when we got back Boomer was dead
and we weren't there for him when he died
so if I leave home the things I love die!
(somber music)
I'm sorry about that.
- It's okay, here.
- Bu we also made you this.
- It's a bit more complex.
A bit more you.
Challenging but worth it.
- Only if you think you're ready.
(dramatic music)
- Oh it's really sour.
- It's a bit of a palate bomb, but keep going.
- It's haggis?
- Push through the unfamiliar, find the balance, keep going!
- Mm, bee pollen.
You know, when you get it all together...
(inspirational music)
- It's okay, Michael.
I'm in a better place now.
It's time for you to be.
- Thanks, Boomer.
You're a good boy.
It's time for me to be a good man.
(whoosh)
(sighs) I need to open a savings account. (laughs)
(bell chimes)
- Um, sir, you need to pay for that.
- Let him go.
Let him go.
- Kadush.