(keyboard typing)
(bright music)
- Ram Dass once said, "If you think you're enlightened,
spend a week with your family."
Now, I'm not claiming to have reached the height
of consciousness, but the time I spent with them
in Korea was magical.
So I had a few ground rules for this trip.
One, avoid any arguments.
Number two, get to know more of Umma's side of the family.
And three, spend pure, uninterrupted quality time together.
(indistinct chatter)
Sometimes hanging out with family can be triggering
because these relationships are a breeding ground
for old resentments and bad habits.
They know exactly what buttons to press
because they're the ones who put them there.
And since we've known our parents for so long,
the memories and narratives we've created of them
are often the strongest and most visceral in our minds,
including all the good, the bad, and the most triggering.
But it's never too late to create new memories
with our parents, especially if we're still able to,
and that is exactly what I intended to do.
During the flight, my old friend, anxiety,
barged in with the usual questions.
Is this a good idea?
Why are we flying further and further away?
Did you remember to pay your life insurance bill?
I had to take a couple of deep breaths
and remember what Ben said.
This trip was necessary for us to exercise our independence.
I'd only be gone for 10 days out of 365.
There is no need for mom guilt.
Everything was gonna be fine.
It was 5:00 AM when we landed and the airport
felt oddly comforting.
Everywhere I looked there were people that looked like me.
For once I was the majority, my anxiety was long gone.
Instead, I just felt giddy like I was a kid again.
Like when you're young, all you wanna do is grow up
as fast as you can.
But once you're an adult you start chasing moments
that make you feel young again.
And being with both my parents definitely
made me feel that way.
And it's because they'll always see me
as their baby no matter how old I get.
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On our first day, my parents met up with their friends
and I decided to do the same.
So my preferred way to explore a city,
is to have a friend show you around
and no one could fill that role better than Joan.
I've known her for 10 years and she took me
on one of her famous Joan day tours.
Now something you have to know about Joan is that
she's swift and sweet warm, yet direct
like she's the type of person who will do exactly
what she says, just so accountable and I left our hang
feeling so inspired and enriched.
The next day we packed our bags
and we hit the road heading south.
So all of my mom's family lives in Goseong
which is like a five hour road trip.
So Appa suggested that we break up the drive
by spending a night in Gyeongju.
And during this road trip, I reflected
a lot on our relationship.
So Appa and I kind of had a rough relationship
especially in middle school.
And that anger and stubbornness I felt
at 11 stuck with us for decades.
But luckily things took a turn
in 2020 and then once Lennon arrived
our relationship was able to heal even more.
This new version of me, I actually hear him out
and really reflect on what he has to say.
And during this trip I enjoyed all the knowledge he had
and his energy.
I appreciated hearing all these random facts
and tidbits about birds and bridges.
It's funny because he prides himself
on being an early adopter and so do I.
And it made me realize that the very things that trigger me
are also the things that I identify with.
I guess we're all just mirrors for each other.
Gyeongju is a dreamy, idyllic slice of Korean countryside.
You feel like you're in a straight up Korean drama.
I fell in love with all the hanoks
and the Korean architecture just had me gagging.
I like literally wanna build a hanok in LA.
It's also the home to many temples.
I could have easily spent an entire day here
but we still had a few hours left on the road.
We finally made it to Goseong, it's like a small beach
town in the country and this is where we'd stay
for the rest of our trip.
Meet my emo.
She's always been my favorite, is that like fucked up to say
but really I just love her.
She's just so charismatic and so hardworking
like she cannot keep still, she's constantly cleaning
or cooking her endless banchan and meals for us
which by the way, were absolutely delicious.
And if you take anything from this video
it's that Korea's national love Language is food.
Just food.
If you can eat it, compliment it, make it
that is a sign that you care.
For breakfast emo made ori-tang
which is kind of like, it's like duck soup.
It's very similar to (indistinct)
Let's try the broth.
It tastes like a richer...
It's like a very rich chicken broth.
Seasoned, perfectly.
Hi.
- Hi.
To counteract all the eating, we did an insane amount
of walking and honestly it was one of my favorite rituals
to do every single day.
Like I'm a firm believer that humans need repetition.
I think it grounds us.
So we walked every day rain or shine.
This is one of the trails near my aunts.
And at the very top you can see all
of Goseong framed perfectly.
This town is so scenic and all corners
looked postcard worthy.
I also loved all the health advice pinned on the trail.
You can either see these as helpful tips
or just straight up nagging, jansoli.
Either way, you can't deny Korea prioritizes health.
This is something I wish the US would incorporate more.
With each health tip I saw I would step
with more purpose and vigor.
Since all of Umma's family lives in Korea
I actually don't have many memories with anyone on her side
including both my grandparents who've passed.
My grandma died in 2021 and it was Umma's
first time visiting her grave.
I actually wondered if she'd be emotional
but I think seeing her siblings gave her peace and strength.
If I'm being honest, I'm gutted to have never
had the chance to get to know my grandparents.
(indistinct chatter)
This is my uncle's farm.
My samchon and emo planted every single tree plant
flower stone on this plot of land.
It's so impressive.
He's only had it for two years and the progress is insane.
And we hung out here every single day and it's definitely
one of my favorite parts of the trip.
I truly loved being out in nature and especially
hanging out with Hiro.
She reminds me of Cheeki because she loves
getting her tummy rubbed too.
Despite us coming to the farm every day, it wasn't boring
because every day was a little different.
It's kind of like how I feel about life currently,
where I don't need to do anything wildly different
every single day.
I think what makes an experience special to me
is an activity where I can move my body, enjoy a view
and be with the people who make me feel safe and accepted.
But one of the days I actually switched it up.
I have to get ready a little bit quickly today
because I am meeting my friend Andy in Masan
which is just the craziest coincidence.
Like he's been in Korea for a couple of months
and it just so happens that his mom lives in a town
that's 30 minutes away from from my aunt's.
We're gonna take a train to Busan.
Wait, isn't there like, yeah, there there's like
a zombie movie called "Train To Busan".
Yeah, that's literally what I'm doing.
Hopefully there's no zombies there.
It's always such a surreal feeling to see a friend
from home somewhere completely new.
Exploring Busan with Andy was a refreshing adventure.
It really reminds me of Seoul.
But with a coastal feel, there are so many stores
and restaurants that are consistently excellent.
Like honestly, one day was not enough to take it all in.
I went out in Busan with Andy yesterday and we freaking,
(sighs)
we missed the bus.
I got home at 2:30 because we had to take a cab
from Busan all the way to Goseong.
I am at the farm.
My uncle dropped me off.
My uncle has this little house planted here
and it's really got everything that you need.
We've got a little TV right over here, a little desk
a fridge that is stocked.
Koreans definitely know how to prioritize food
and mealtimes for sure, but it's so idyllic.
Like I feel like I'm at like a little getaway, you know?
And that service they have in LA where you have
like this little cabin in the woods,
like this is what it feels like.
But this is a cabin in the Korean countryside
and it's so wonderful.
(paper rustling)
On the final day we went to have lunch
at Umma's childhood home and this is where
my oldest samchon now lives.
And up until now, if I was at a family function with adults
I'd usually like separate myself to talk
with the kids or even like listen to music
to drown out the grownups talking.
But this trip I did something wild.
I actually listened and engaged.
I paid attention to what everyone was saying
and surprisingly, I understood most of it.
Language is so trippy because for whatever reason
I can understand more than I can speak,
now my Korean is not great but it's enough to understand,
sometimes it was like playing the game of taboo
where you try to describe a word without saying
the actual word.
So if we were stuck, I would try to describe what I'm saying
in very simple Korean words and then they'd eventually
get it and then we'd all laugh.
It's just like an amusing game for everyone
if you have the patience to play.
This was a great example of love beating language barriers.
This trip was so healing for everyone and I left feeling
so much closer to my family and more connected to my roots.
All I could think about was coming back next year.
I know that life is constantly changing
and one day circumstances won't be like this,
but until then, this trip with my family perfectly
encapsulates this liminal period where everything
is exactly as it should be right now.