I'm currently having an anxiety attack
so what's up everybody this is Chris
from the rewired soul where we talk
about the problem but focus on the
solution and I want to apologize in
advance this video is gonna be all over
the place but I wanted to capture on
film what my anxiety looks like when
well it's not really a panic attack
because panic attacks typically don't
have a specific trigger they just kind
of come or they they escalate to a point
past an anxiety attack there's all more
physical symptoms which I'm not
experiencing but anyways if you're new
here my channel is all about mental
health and usually my videos are about
helping people so subscribe bring the
notification bell but my anxiety right
now is lower than it was an hour two
hours ago all right and I want to
capture this and explain to you what
I've done to just take my anxiety from
like a level 10 down tonight maybe like
a level 4 or 5 right now and just talk
to you about what's going on what I'm
doing and things like that because if
you struggle with anxiety maybe
something I'm doing might be able to
help you so I guess I'll let you know
what triggered my anxiety so those of
you who don't know me I am a recovering
drug addict and alcoholic I've been
clean and sober for over six years now I
just celebrated six years on my birthday
June 23rd and so in my active addiction
of about 10 years I was fired a lot I
was fired so many times and it always
starts with hey can I see you in my
office hey meet me in my office hey go
see Human Resources whatever it is and
even though I've been clean for six
years that still really triggers me and
it's crazy too because once you get rid
of these substances like I'm a pretty
decent employee well anyways this
morning I work for a drug and alcohol
rehab center and one of the things is
that I have my cell phone on me 24/7
I had somebody reach out to me this
morning because they need help they
relapse they need to get back in the
treatment so I go and I do it I go to
send emails and try to get everything
set up well then I see that I missed an
email and a text message yesterday from
Human Resources and they said hey come
to the Human Resources office before the
end of the day and ever since then my
mind is just losing absolute control of
any type of sanity that I usually have
and it's crazy because I haven't had
anxiety like this for a while so let's
talk about the fears okay so I already
mentioned like where my fears come from
and that kind of trigger you know so
just meeting with HR but I'm very
analytical - I'm very analytical so I'm
like okay well it was Friday it was the
last day of our pay period it was Friday
afternoon I'm like well if I was human
resources and I was gonna fire somebody
this is what I would do it at the last
day of the pay period I'm on a Friday so
that way if this guy loses his mind at
least he has the weekend to calm down or
something like that that's what I would
do if I was HR so these are what my
fears are coming from but other ones is
you know things that work they've been
they've been changing you know not
necessarily terrible or anything like
that but anybody with anxiety like we
don't like change but because change is
happening and I never really know what's
happening from one day to the next life
I'm just sitting here like one thing you
know they might be getting rid of me you
know what I mean and and it's it's
difficult like this morning I have a
bunch of stuff to do I have some writing
to do I have my son here I want to spend
some time with him I got to clean the
house because you know so people are
coming over to my apartment later and
everything like that and then this just
added on to it plus the fact that I'm
trying to help somebody who relapse get
back into treatment so I have a million
things going on in my head and I am
sorry I'm losing track of thought a
little bit but hey this is what anxiety
looks like alright so anyways what am i
doing about it okay so one of the things
that I have to do the first thing I did
is I use this okay this is a cell phone
this cell phone is my lifeline and it
connects to a bunch of people or in my
support system so right now my
girlfriend is currently out of town for
her little brother's birthday up and
California I miss her already but
anyways like I just started texting her
and this was you know an hour or two ago
I don't even know she's awake she's on
vacation she might be sleeping and even
though her little brother's wake her up
and so I just started texting I'm like
hey I got this stuff from HR I totally
missed the email so now that's the other
thing too real quick
I have to wait all weekend now I have to
wait all weekend and let this thing go
crazy and that's why I need to get it
under control so it doesn't ruin my
weekend
anyways I start texting her she doesn't
get back I'm like I assume they're
sleeping I said I'm just gonna text you
and just let you know everything going
on in my mind so I can kind of process
this so I just started doing that just
our texting her all the worries all the
fears and everything like that but I
have to get logical okay and something
that I do to prepare you know for
worst-case scenario is I look at what
the worst-case scenario is I start
talking to a mic okay well if they fire
me like I have money saved up like I'm
not somebody who usually saves money I
have money saved up I will be fine
the other thing is to like I you know if
I lose a job like I I've been here for
three years yeah what's crazy is
yesterday was actually my three year
anniversary I've been there for three
years I've been so I had to look for a
job for a while but I have I've lost so
many jobs but I've always found new ones
and I have to remind myself like even
though you get in these bad situations
or life throws something at you I have
to remind myself of what I've overcome
in the past so I even tected my my son's
mom because I was letting her know I
said hey I might have to bring Dylan
back early cuz because of my anxiety I'm
like I'm gonna be there right when this
lady from HR so if they aren't getting
rid of me we've just pulled that
band-aid get rid of me so I'm texting my
kids mom oh my god she's like I typed
like lol and the tacks and she's like
why are you laughing right now I'm like
I don't know maybe because I'm losing my
mind but the other thing is like you
know I've been in these situations
before I've been in worse situations
before and got out of them and I have to
remind myself that I've been in worse
situations before
alright and like my kids moms know me
since years before I even got sober so
she saw me at my worst and now
she sees me at my best she's seen the
whole spectrum of Chris and his ups and
downs and like man this is gonna be
weird but like I'm like doing all this
rambling and talking crazy I'm like I
really hope my audience isn't changing
their opinion of me in a negative light
like my brain when I start to get
anxious like it it will just find
negativity so right in the middle of
recording this I'm like oh man like if I
was watching this guy and I was coming
to his channel for help and solutions
now I kind of think he's a nutjob but
you know most of you out there I know
that you're very empathetic and I just
wanted to make this video to be very
very real about the way my anxiety looks
and it can look different for other
people you know other people when
they're doing it like they're like
hyperventilating and stuff like that and
my breathing was you know messed up
earlier but I calm down um mindfulness
is the next thing I started doing so
mindfulness is being present in the
moment okay like I have to do that
especially since I wait till Monday but
I'm like cleaning and doing all these
other things I need to make more videos
on mindfulness but you can be mindful
without just sitting down and doing a
formal meditation like I'm paying
attention to all of my senses like the
way things feel the way you know things
taste and smell and while I'm cleaning
and just being really in the moment
because it helps me get out of the
future or quit staying in the past and
just get back into the moment so I'm
being very mindful of what's happening
right now to try to calm my brain down
and get back to the moment all right so
the last thing is I went and I took a
shower and I took these all right so I'm
still on medications for my anxiety this
is lexapro this is a non narcotic
medication those of you might have seen
my video where I got off of it
well my anxiety started to come back so
I got back on it okay this has helped
this has helped me out a lot
again this is non-narcotic I hope
YouTube doesn't like try to strike me
down or something like that so regular
prescription calm down YouTube are hatin
but um but but yeah this this
helped it's helped I think you know just
part of what I've done you know talking
to my girlfriend talking to my kids mom
being mindful taking my medication and
calming down and I'm feeling a lot
better but it's a long weekend it's
currently Saturday morning I have 48
hours and then you know as I think about
what medications one thing I got to
worry about is if I do lose my job
where's my hope insurance when I was
telling my girlfriend I was like you
know what if I lose my health insurance
I know what to do no to go down to the
social services get some statement you
know medical assistance boom there we go
like but one of the problems is with our
anxiety it shuts down the logical
thinking and planning part of the brain
so I get these little glimpses of
clarity and things like that but yeah I
need to write things down I need to
think about the positives I need to
remember my past and how I've been
through this before
and I do know that this feeling will not
be here forever
it's just you know that anticipation the
waiting like I hate I can't stand when
people are like hey I need to talk to
you but later like I just lose my mind I
lose it but usually I get it under
control unless it's like my girlfriend
or I freak out or sometimes like family
members like give us my mom or my dad
like hey we need to talk like I'm like
oh my god are you dying like my brain
can get negative real quick so I don't
know these are some of the things that
I'm doing to calm down if you can relate
or if you have any tips about what you
do during an anxiety attack go ahead and
leave them down in the comments below I
know this video is different it's a
little bit weird it's a little bit all
over the place but you know I made a
video yesterday talking about my black
and white thinking like I am still a
work in progress and I never want you to
think I never want to come off as like
this guru who has solved everything like
a lot of it is just educating you
letting you know things that work me
work for me ways that I've grown and
things like that and like I just want
this huge supportive community and all
that jazz so anyways I love you all
thanks for sitting here if you made it
through the end of the video feel better
feel better just talking about it you're
all beautiful thanks everybody
supporting the channel over on patreon
the other thing you guys are helping me
do this YouTube thing and making this
thing grow and get bigger you know and
that that helps me not worry so much
about potentially losing a job but you
know I will keep you posted I will keep
you posted like Monday Monday I'm gonna
make another video and it's either going
to be that I'm completely nuts and I was
freaking out for no reason
or lost my job you know there's only two
ways this is going down but I'll keep
you posted
all right I love all of you thanks for
staying with me I'll see you next time