So, what does a narcissist want more than anything?
I'm going to explain that to you right here.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert,
I have negotiated many thousands of deals with narcissists,
through my law practice,
through helping people with negotiations,
through my S.L.A.Y program and
I have seen narcissist in many, many situations and
there's one thing that you do not want
to make sure that you give to them,
unless you do it strategically, you do it powerfully.
So, before we go any further,
you want to make sure you subscribe to this channel and
you hit that notification bell,
because I upload brand new videos every single day.
I'm here to make sure that you break free
from the chains of toxic relationships.
I have written two best-selling books,
“Negotiate like you M.A.T.T.E.R” and
“Breaking Free: a step- by-step divorce guide”.
I have helped so many people get out of these relationships and
I want to help you too.
So, there are a number of things that narcissist definitely want,
but really, it all leads back to one path and
that is the almighty,
the Almighty, which is narcissistic supply.
There is a hierarchy to narcissistic supply, however,
that I have figured out and
that is that they want what I call diamond level supply,
or Grade A level supply, or Tier 1 if you will and
that is how they look and
how they look can be tied to a number of different things.
It can be the big houses, the prestigious friends,
the great cars, the impressive job,
the big bank account, that sort of thing it,
but it's all going to be tied up in how they look.
Then, there's the coal level,
if you're looking at diamond level, there's the coal level,
it's still less so,
it's also very, very important to them,
but it's kind of like the flip side,
it's the side they don't necessarily show people,
it's like why I know that they know how to behave,
but, it's something that they also love and
don't so easily give up,
it's devaluing people, debasing people,
treating people poorly, manipulating people,
triggering people, getting under people's skin,
using their sense of control to make themselves feel superior,
it's to build up their ego
by making them feel like they are better than others.
It's not the external,
it's not how they look to the world,
but more how they look in their eyes to other people.
So, the external and adulation is what they want
more than absolutely anything.
What they want more than anything is that adulation,
what they want more than anything is to have control over you,
full control, full adulation, full dominion over you and
that's what they're going for in the relationship,
is that full dominion over you at all times.
Now, obviously, you don't want to give in to that during the relationship,
because once you do that,
they actually kind of start hating you at that point and
you do want to check out my video on,
“Why the narcissist hates you”,
you definitely check out my video on that.
They do start to hate you at that point,
they don't really want that,
they actually feed on the drama of the back-and-forth,
of the whole thing.
I mean, they kind of want you to go back and forth,
have this whole drama.
I do have a whole video by the way,
on “Why the narcissist loves you and hates you”,
you should check out that video as well.
That's why they have these cycles of the relationship,
the love-bombing, the devaluing, the discarding,
then they go back and forth, back to the love-bombing,
then, the devaluing, the discard too,
you can check out my videos on on that as well,
because they don't really necessarily watch that and
by the way, the only type of person they actually respect
is somebody who's going to kind of stand up to them.
I have a video on that also and
that's why you have to have boundaries.
As soon as you start establishing boundaries,
that's when you're going to start to push back,
that's when you're going to start to negotiate with them,
that's when you're going to start to shift the dynamic and
that's part of my S.L.A.Y methodology.
That's when you're going to start to take your power back,
they will actually start to fear you and
that is what I always say,
the not-so- secret secret is
the narcissist is actually way more afraid of you,
than you are of them.
No doubt about it.
So, you're not going to give in completely,
where they have full complete dominion over you in the relationship,
because that's what they really want,
they want full dominion over you.
That's what they really, really want,
because you lose your self-respect,
you lose your freedom, you lose who you are.
I can't tell you how many people have come into my office and said,
“I don't even know who I am anymore, I've lost who I am”,
people who still know who they are in a professional sense,
who have are highly respected individuals in their professions,
in their careers and may be talking to you,
but on a personal level, they don't know who they are anymore,
because they've completely lost themselves in the relationship,
because they've lost themselves to this person and
if that's you by the way, and you need a therapist,
we have a partnership with BetterHelp.com/RebeccaZung.
Get the support that you need,
or if you have your own therapist,
that's great too,
but we only partner with people that we trust.
So, I wanted to mention that,
if you don't have your own therapist.
But going back to this, what they want and
I mention this, because when you go to negotiate with them,
a lot of times you're in this fog and
how you start to find your place of power,
is putting down those boundaries and
starting to walk forward and not backward,
how you start to do that,
is starting to even just recognize what's happening and
by getting education like this and
recognizing what's happening,
starting to put those boundaries in place,
starting to shut down what's going on and
realizing that you don't have to live this way any longer,
because you sure as heck don't.
So, that's why I'm so glad that you're here.
Make sure you subscribe to this channel, by the way,
lots of free content,
I upload brand new videos every single day,
that's why I'm here, that's why I do what I do.
Make sure you subscribe, hit that notification bell.
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Join my free private Facebook group
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Make sure you like this video,
like it, share it,
remember today's a great day to start negotiating your best life,
I will see you in the next video.