UP NEXT "GUTFELD!" TAKES HERE.
>> [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> [CHEERING].
>> Greg: THANK YOU, PEOPLE.
HAPPY THURSDAY, EVERYONE OR KAT
TIMPF CALLS IT HONEY THE POLICE
ARE HERE.
PLUSH THE 8 BALL.
BILLY IS BACK WHICH IS
IMPRESSIVE.
>> I DON’T KNOW WHY. >> Greg: SHE’S BEEN SO BUSY.
>> Greg: SHE’S BEEN SO BUSY.
>> [LAUGHING].
>> Greg: YOU HAVE BILLS TO PAY.
>> THAT’S THE BEST MY ABS HAVE LOOKED THIS YEARS.
LOOKED THIS YEARS.
>> Greg: ENOUGH!
PAISLEY IS HERE.
WHO DID SHE MAKE MAD?
THIS EPISODE WON’T AIR.
I AM LYING.
SOMETHING FUN.
DONALD TRUMP IS MORE POPULAR
THAN JOE BIDEN.
IT’S TRUE!
>> [APPLAUDING].
>> Greg: YOU DON’T HAVE TO CLAP.
HE CAN’T HEAR YOU.
TRUMP ROSE TO 48% AND BIDEN
DROPPED TO 46%.
HOW IS BIDEN EVEN AT 46%.
IN A NORMAL WORLD HE WILL BE AT
2% JUST AHEAD OF LOSING YOUR
HOME IN A TORNADO.
A LOST THINGS ARE MORE POPULAR
THAN JOE BIDEN.
A PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH AND KAMALA
HARRIS.
BUT I REPEAT MYSELF.
HARRIS IS DOING BETTER THAN JOE
IN POLLING.
SHE IS DOING NOTHING AND HE IS
DOING SOMETHING.
THE LESS A LIBERAL WORKS THE
MORE POPULAR THEY ARE.
WHEN THEY WORK THEY DESTROY
THINGS.
THEY ARE LIKE A BULL IN I CHINA
JOB.
ONE THAT JOE AND HUNTER ARE
PROBABLY SILENT PARTNERS IN.
THEY ARE MORE LIKE RATS IN
A SINKING SHIP OR SNAKES IN THE GRASS OR PERHAPS --
GRASS OR PERHAPS --
>> ABORT, IMMEDIATELY!
>> Greg: IT’S THE NEW SYSTEM WE
ARE TESTING OUT.
JOE, REMEMBER HOW BELOVED HEAT
INDEX FIGURES -- WHEN HE WAS
CHAINED TO A RADIATOR IN THE
BASEMENT AND CAME OUTSIDE JUST
ONCE TO PREDICT 6 MORE WEEKS OF
WINTER.
THEY LOADED JOE UP WITH RELIEF
FACTOR.
THEY POINTED HIM TO THE WHITE
HOUSE.
WHERE AFTER 8 ATTEMPTS HE FOUND
THE ENTRANCE.
>> [LAUGHING].
>> Greg: AND GOT TO WORK. BOY, WAS THAT A BAD IDEA.
BOY, WAS THAT A BAD IDEA.
YOU HAVE CHECK AMERICA IFN 2021
UNDER JOE.
IT’S A MESS.
HE IS FALLING APART FASTER THAN
A WHOPPER YOU ARE TRYING TO EAT
WHILE DRIVING.
HE CLAIMS HE HAS THINGS UNDER
CONTROL.
HE HAD AFGHANISTAN UNDER THE
CONTROL AND THE PANDEMIC UNDER
CONTROL AND HAS HIS BLADDER
UNDER CONTROL.
JOE IS CONTROLLED BY WHOM?
HOMICIDE HAVE THE BIGGEST RISE
SINCE RECORDS BEGAN 19 SIXTY. -- 1960.
-- 1960.
WE ARE WITNESSING THE BIGGEST
SPIKE.
CRIME IS FALLING FASTER THAN
CNN’S RATINGS.
HOW DID WE GET TO THAT IDIOTIC
PLACE?
DINING WITH DON LEMON?
>> IF YOU WATCH CONSERVATIVE
MEDIA YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE
ENTIRE CITIES ARE EMBRAWLED IN
FIRES AND WHATEVER.
WE HAD A GREAT DINNER IN NEW
YORK CITY.
>> [LAUGHING].
>> Greg: DON ENJOYS ANY MEAL
WITHOUT BRIAN UNDER THE TABLE
BEGGING FOR SCRAPS.
THEY BASED THIS DROP IN CRIME ON
A LEFT WING THINK TANK.
SHOUT OUT TO MATT LAUER.
THE EVERYALL NUMBER HIDES THE
RISE OF VIOLENT CRIME IN CITIES.
THEY CUT VIOLENT CRIME NUMBERS
WITH NON-VIOLENT CRIME NUMBERS.
THE WAY A COKE DEALER CUTS HIS
PRODUCT WITH LAXATIVES.
THE NBC REPORT IS LIKE TELLING
A MUGGY VICTIM TO CHEER UP
BECAUSE MAIL FRAUD IS DOWN.
THE MEDIA WHOSE NOT TO REPORT ON
THE RIOTS BECAUSE IT WOULD TAINT
THE NARRATIVE OF A GREATER
AMERICAN OPPRESSION.
THE DATA INDICATES THE DEMs WHO
LEFT THEIR CITIES IN MAYHEM.
I WONDER WHAT THE ANGRY BLACK
MALE THINKS.
>> ♪ ♪ .
>> [LAUGHING].
>> IT LOOKS LIKE I AM PLAYING MY
VIDEO GAME IN A PINK ROOM AND
A PINK COUCH.
IT’S NOT.
DON’T BELIEVE YOUR LYING EYES.
IT’S A GREENROOM WITH CAMOUFLAGE
AND I AM SITTING ON A CANNON
RIGHT NOW.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE FACTS IN
FRONT OF YOU.
FOR MY NEXT TRICK, WILL PEE DOWN
YOUR BACK AND TELL YOU IT’S
RAIN.
THAT’S NOT THAT FUNNY.
CRIME IS REALLY UP.
BECAUSE OF THIS WOKE
ADMINISTRATION.
THAT ACTUALLY MAKES ME ANGRY.
DON’T MAKE ME ANGRY.
YOU WOULD NOT LIKE ME IF I WAS
ANGRY.
>> [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> Greg: AND WHAT USED TO BE THE
BORDER.
FOX SOUNDED AN ALARM BUT IT WAS
IGNORED BECAUSE FOX IS EVIL.
THE GREATEST SELF-INFLECTED
BEHAVIOR SINCE SHELLEY LONG LEFT
CHEERS.
IMAGINE SOMEONE YOU DISLIKE
TELLING YOU SOMETHING THAT COULD
SAVE YOUR LIFE AND YOU REJECT IT
BECAUSE THEIR POLITICS DON’T
ALIGN.
>> ♪ ♪
.
>> OH, MA’AM, YOU GOT SOMETHING.
>> NICE TRY, MR. RED HAT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE ALL ABOUT.
>> JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
>> YOU HAVE A LOT OF HATE IN YOUR HEART!
YOUR HEART!
YOU DISGUST ME!
>> OH, MY GOD.
THE GRIM REAPER IS BEHIND YOU.
>> I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
YOU ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF
HISTORY.
>> YOU WILL BE ON THE WRONG SIDE
OF DEATH.
>> I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO HIM
OR YOU.
>> HE WILL KILL YOU.
>> GLOBAL WARMING WILL KILL US
ALL IF YOU LITTLE RED HATS HAVE
YOUR WAY.
>> [LAUGHING].
>> [CHEERING].
>> [APPLAUDING].
>> Greg: MY DREAM COMES THROUGH,
APPLAUDING KAT’S DEATH.
A SHOUT OUT TO THE CREAM REAPER FOR HELPING US WITH THAT.
FOR HELPING US WITH THAT.
IN THE AUDIENCE A BIG FAN.
THEY FOUND ONE IMAGE THEY COULD
DISTORT WORSE THAN SLAVERY.
LOOK A MAN ON HORSE BACK.
>> WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING
HERE IN WHAT WE WITNESSED TAKES
US BACK HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
IT WAS WORSE THAN WHAT WE
WITNESSED IN SLAVERY.
>> Greg: REALLY.
THOUSANDS OF BLACKS SUFFERING IN
SQUADIL CONDITIONS DID NOT
MATTER TO HER.
LAW AND ORDER AND THE BORDER
HAVE BEEN SACRIFICED ON THE
ALTAR OF PROGRESSIVISM.
THAT’S CONTROLLING JOE.
SOMETHING HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND.
JOE IS UNPOPULAR BECAUSE WE IS
SEE WHAT MANY OF US SAW A YEAR
AGO.
LIKE ONE OF HUNTER’S DATES THIS
WAS JUST A TRICK.
AMERICA WAS FOOLED INTO THINKING
HE WAS AS MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AS
A SQUASHED POSSUM, BUT HE WAS
LIKE AN EMPTY VESSEL LIKE
A NEWBORN CHILD WHOSE PARENTS
CAN FILL WITH GOOD OR EVIL
VALUES.
AT LEAST HE DOESN’T TWEET.
>> [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> Greg: OUR NEXT GUEST
DISAPPOINTED MORE LIBERALS THAN
THE U.S. WOMEN’S SOCCER TEAM,
THE GREAT DOUGLAS MURRAY.
>> [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> Greg: WRITTEN 2 CHILDREN’S
BOOKS SO KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH
TONIGHT’S PANEL.
>> [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> Greg: SHE THINKS OUTSIDE OF
THE BOX UNLESS IT’S BOXED WINE
AND ONLY HERE TO GET AWAY FROM
HER KIDS.
AND THOSE SHOES LOOK GREATS WITH
HER ANKLE MONITOR.
PATRICK LEAHY.
>> [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> Greg: DOUGLAS,
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU MOVED TO THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA.
IS THAT CORRECT?
>> IT IS.
>> Greg: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
>> [LAUGHING].
I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING UPRIVER.
EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO LEAVE
THIS CITY.
I THINK THAT’S WRONG.
IT’S A GREAT CITY AND A GREAT
COUNTRY AND A GREAT TIME TO BE
HERE.
>> Laura: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
JOE BIDEN’S PERFORMANCE SO FAR?
>> HMMM.
IT’S NOT BEEN THE BEST.
>> [LAUGHING].
>> I WOULD SAY HE MUST BE
FEELING SAD TO SEE THESE
APPROVAL RATINGS GOING DOWN HE
WILL FORGET IT TOMORROW.
>> Greg: HE CERTAINLY WILL.
PERHAPS IN AN HOUR.
IS THERE A FLAW TO THE DEMOCRATS ON THE LEFT THAT UNDERLIES ALL
ON THE LEFT THAT UNDERLIES ALL
OF THESE DISASTERS?
THEY CONFUSE LAW AND ORDER WITH
COMPASSION.
>> THEY HAVE A VAGUE IDEA YOU
SHOULD HAVE A BORDER AND THEN
SEE A PHOTOGRAPH OF THE BORDER
AND THERE IS A MAN WITH THE
WHIP.
NO THAT’S A HORSE REIN.
WELL, WE WILL BAN HORSES.
IT DOESN’T SOLVE ANYTHING.
FIND SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO PICK
ON AND THIS TIME THE HORSES GOT
IT.
>> Greg: BLAME THE HORSES.
>> BUYERS REMORSE IS A REAL
THING.
>> Greg: TALK TO THE SURGEON IN
THE E.R. >> BOUGHT A HOUSE WITH TERMITES.
>> BOUGHT A HOUSE WITH TERMITES.
BUYERS REMORSE IS SETTING IN.
IN JANUARY 60% APPROVED OF JOE
BIDEN.
IN THE SUMMER IT DROPPED INTO
THE 50s.
YOU TALKED ABOUT IT THIS
MORNING.
>> Greg: THIS MORNING?
>> ON FOX AND FRIENDS.
>> Greg: THAT’S A DELIGHTFUL
SHOW.
CONTINUE.
>> NOW THE INDEPENDENCE.
LOOK AT AFGHANISTAN.
40 DAYS IN AND STILL HAVE
AMERICANS BEHIND ENEMY LINES.
THE VIDEOS AT THE BORDER.
LOOKS LIKE A THIRD WORLD
COUNTRY.
GAS PRICES ARE GOING UP.
TAXES ARE GOING UP.
DONALD TRUMP, YES, HE MIGHT SEND
OUT MEAN TWEETS.
I AM NOT A PROPONENT OF THAT.
I DON’T THINK SOME OF THE THINGS
HE SAYS BUT I WOULD TAKE HIM
OVER JOE BIDEN ANY DAY WITH
POLICIES.
LOOK IT’S THE BORDER AND GAS
PRICES AND OUR TAXES.
THE ECONOMY, IT’S A NO BRAINER.
>> Greg: MUCH LIKE JOE.
WAS THAT MEAN?
>> NO, I THOUGHT THAT WAS FAIR,
I GUESS.
I THINK HE HAS A BRAIN.
IT JUST DOESN’T NECESSARILY WORK
ON ALL 6 CYLINDERS?
HOW MANY CYLINDERS IN AN ENGINE?
>> Greg: 4.
>> IT BRINGS ME BACK TO MY HIGH
SCHOOL DAYS AS A FLUNKIE.
I CALLED THEM HIGH F’S TO MY
PARENTS TO JUSTIFY THE REPORT
CARD.
WHAT I FIND SHOCKING IS KAMALA
HARRIS IS SCORING HIGHER THAN
THE PRESIDENT.
THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO THE KIDS
THAT SKIPPED HALF OF THE SCHOOL
YEAR AND GOT BETTER GRADES THAN
ME.
I SHOWED UP AND FAILED.
SHE HASN’T SHOWN UP AND HASN’T
DONE A THING VICHLT TO GO BACK
TO HIGH SCHOOL.
>> Greg: YES. BELIEVE ME, I TRIED.
BELIEVE ME, I TRIED.
>> NOT FOR THE GIRLS. >> Greg: I JUST LIKE TO
>> Greg: I JUST LIKE TO VOLUNTEER.
>> ALL THE GOVERNMENT HAS DONE
IS ASSIGN ME A NUMBER TO BE
IDENTIFIED BY.
TELL ME I CAN’T DO STUFF AND
TAKE MY MONEY TO SPEND ON THINGS
YOU DISAGREE WITH.
I DON’T LIKE THOSE THINGS.
WHO IS HAPPY AND WHO IS THIS
WORKING FOR?
>> Greg: I DON’T KNOW.
>> NEITHER DO I.
WE HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS.
>> Greg: WELL, I DO.
>> NO, I DO.
>> Greg: NO.
LET’S NOT DO THIS HERE, KAT.
>> OKAY, LATER.
>> HER HUSBAND TOLD ME I AM