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I would say in most situations, no they're not.
In most situations again,
people love to use the label of love
to validate and defend the relationships that they're in.
Because if I'm in that situation, and I tell you
no, I'm not really in love,
but I'm having a hard time letting go for other reasons,
then you're going to keep trying to convince me
why I should let go.
If I tell you, but I'm in love,
you might leave me alone.
So, now I use that as defense mechanism.
And I have to convince myself,
why am I still here?
And so, I keep telling myself, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love.
Then I can defend why
I won't let go off this bad situation,
but in most cases, no, it is,
it is a fear of being alone. It is a fear of
acknowledging the mistake of getting caught up with this person.
It is a deeper issue that's caused you to be
attached to this individual.
but you're calling it love.
And so, to the outside person,
they get discouraged by the idea of
love because they see these horrible examples.
But don't be fooled that's not real love.
Love does not keep you where you do not belong.
Mhm. All right, and so, but let me say this,
are there some situations where someone is in love with someone
and they have an unhealthy relationship right now?
Yes, that does happen, because we're human beings.
And sometimes we can be in love with each other,
but it's not time for us to be together.
That person hasn't addressed their demons.
There are issues that would allow them to have a healthy relationship.
Being in love is just one piece of the puzzle,
all right. And so, yes,
you could actually have a real
connection with this individual,
but they're still very unhealthy
and so are you.
You got some things you do not realize that need to be addressed.
So, there needs to be a separation.
So, one way or another,
whether you have a connection with them or not,
you need to break up that relationship right now.
If it's unhealthy and toxic and is not being corrected,
you have to walk away.
But that doesn't mean you guys
can't come back together later.
And it doesn't mean that, that individual
won't get themselves on the right track
because people change all the time.
You know what I'm saying, but they can be,
a lot of times, they're less
likely to change when you remain with them.
Because now you're enabling them,
And they have no reason to,
because facing yourself is like one of the hardest things to do.
So, people ain’t going to do that if you are still going to be with them.
But once you leave them, oh,
watch how fast.
It's almost like, if a, if a job
tells you, you got to get your masters to work here.
But they hire you anyway.
You're not going to run to get your masters,
you're going to keep doing your thing.
But let them fire you,
let's see how quick you're going to get your masters
to get your job back, you know.
So, that's what it is.
And then, how can you tell the difference?
Because you made reference earlier that
some people who say they're in love,
they're actually just infatuated.
Like, from your experiences and your counseling and your,
your,
your wisdom that you have, like, how
do you tell the difference between somebody who's
in love and somebody who's just
being infatuated with another person?
So, for me, I think for the average person it's going to be
hard to evaluate.
For me, I have this innate thing
that I can pick up on things very quickly.
So, just in talking to you,
and the way you speak about the relationship
tells me everything.
Another example is,
what are you, what are you using
to claim this is why you should be here?
So, one time I had a young lady
who was coming to me for a coaching session
and she was saying,
you know, I, I help him, I do this for him. I do that
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm so in love with him and I said well,
you told me everything you do for him. What does he do for you?
Hmm? And she stopped. All right.
She stopped. And she was like,
you know what, he doesn't do anything.
So, how are you going to tell me you're so in love
with someone who does nothing for you?
Nothing.
It doesn't work that way. I'm sorry.
You know what I'm saying, our, our ability to fall in love with someone
or to embrace someone and love.
Don't get me wrong, we can give love to anybody
regardless of them doing anything for us.
So, don't get me wrong.
Giving genuine love
is not attached to what we receive in return.
However, to be in love
in a romantic sense
and want a relationship with someone.
Yes, there's a give and take.
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