What I want to know is…how am I supposed to pass people…with no turtle shells?
What is this, the morning commute?
It’s Grid Autosport for the Xbox 360. Am I pushing the wrong button?
So I’m real good at racing games. When they let you throw bombs at people. Without the
bombs, things get a little dicey. The truth is, I don’t really understand how realistic
racing games are supposed to work. Like, how’s this even supposed to work? How can I be expected
to pass people, if I’m also penalized for trying to pass people?
Sorry, over the line? What is this, bowling?
Am I throwing rocks tonight? Should I mark it zero?
Why are you peeing on my rug?
You know, certain things are just for certain people. This is one of those things, and I’m
not one of those people. And that’s not a knock on realistic racing games—I just
don’t get it. But I’m glad I’m not the only one. As I was playing this and sliding
all over the place, I tweeted about how frustrating these kind of games can be…and someone had
the perfect response.
He said they feel like you’re driving on a large, over-lubricated brick.
His words, not mine, but I agree. This is not a game for casual racing…or people who
prefer arcade racers. It’s a game for very serious racing people, who are very serious
about cars.
I’m very serious about bombs.
Probably shouldn’t say that on the Internet.
Grid Autosport comes from the gear heads over at Codemasters. When it comes to racers, they’ve
been ahead of the pack for a long time. They really know their racing. And they make racing
games for other people, who really know their racing. Emphasis on the racing, in this one…because
Autosport is all about racing. Realistic, nuanced, simulation racing.
There’s no story, no characters…no chocolate mountains. Hell, there’s not even much in
the way of customization, or car creation. It’s all about racing, in its several different
disciplines.
If I knew anything about those disciplines, I’d be freaking out right now.
So the game is split into five different categories of racing. Touring, Endurance, Tuner, Open
Wheel and Street…which takes place on the street. Endurance is, like, distance racing.
That’s pretty much all I know about these things. Fortunately, there’s also a demolition
derby mode. That I know about. I had a lot of fun with the demolition derby.
You ever been to a demolition derby?
It’s like watching stupidity take physical form. And it goes great with a hot dog.
So I’ll say this. Uh…there’s a lot of ways to play Autosport. And they’re all
different, which is really cool. It’s almost like a few different games. But across them
all…dude, this is some pretty serious racing. Way too serious for me. I turned this b*tch
down to “very easy,” and I still lost a bunch of the time. But I appreciate that
I could turn it down, you know?
In fact, for those of us who are more casual about this kind of thing, you can adjust the
settings so that your car automatically shifts down when you’re going around turns. If
I had to do that on my own, it’d be a f*cking catastrophe.
So thank you, Codemasters.
Now maybe add a blue shell, and we’re golden.
There are plenty of multiplayer options, and you can even put together your own car garages
that track their stats and XP and things like that. The derby was one of the game’s party
modes, which includes a bunch of other racing variations…but again, it’s only a party
if you can drive these goddamn things. I mean, arcade-racing peeps like me, we’re sh*t
out of luck.
Seriously, I admire you guys, who know what you’re doing in these games. Autosport is
such a hard game to play…good for you, if you’re good at this. I’m sliding around
like a…what was the phrase? Large, over-lubricated brick? Anyway, at least it’s prettier than
that. The presentation here is pretty impressive. The glare of the sun, the realism of the locations…
You know, it’s kind of like how…there are all kind of really cool art styles out
there, but then there are also the people who just paint realistically. Maybe not as
creative, but there’s still a pretty insane level of technical artistry there. And this
is like the gaming equivalent.
What you see, what you hear…it’s all about being true to reality.
And whether you’re into that or not, you have to admit it does an incredible job.
Look, I’m not reviewing this from the perspective of a serious racing fan. If you’re one of
those people, you already know this is a racer for you. Because it’s a great racer. But
if you’re like me, more of an arcade racing fan who prefers games that are over-the-top…I
can’t think of a game less for you, than this one. It will baffle you, as it baffles
me.
And there’s no shame in that.
We have our racing games, our laser beams…the more serious racing gamers have Grid Autosport,
which is awesome for what it is. And that’s awesome, too, if you ask me.
Blue shells would be more awesome right now.