- My son just had a bar mitzvah, I know it's so exciting,
Woo, mazel tov.
I bet there are many of you who know
what a bar mitzvah is,
but probably a lot of you who don't.
Let's break it down.
Don't forget to subscribe to my channel,
click the little bell icon so you get notifications
about all of my videos, and make sure you go to
Grok Nation for the super-detailed explanation
of what my bar mitzvah outfit looked like.
That's what's really important.
Anyway, number one.
What does bar mitzvah even mean?
Well, bar mitzvah literally means
son of the commandments.
Bat mitzvah means daughter of the commandments.
Pretty catchy, right?
Historically speaking, when a boy turned 13,
he was able to be counted in a minion,
or a prayer quorum of 10 people.
He would recite a blessing over the person
reading from the Torah on the Sabbath
closest to his birthday and boom!
He was an adult, done.
Instant man, instant Jewish man.
Number two.
What's a bar mitzvah like now?
Well, now, bar mitzvah boys and girls
don't just make a blessing over someone else
reading from the Torah, they often read
the Torah themselves on their bar mitzvah day.
They may often lead the congregation in prayer
and, if you're part of the conservative
or reformed denominations of Judaism,
you may even take a more active part
in planning the entire day.
Girls in traditional communities actually become
bat mitzvah at age 12, because girls mature faster,
you know how that is.
So do the Jews.
In communities where women typically don't
read from the Torah, they sometimes will do
a charity project or a research project
about their Torah portion, or,
in progressive communities, they have Torah services
where only women are allowed
and girls can read from the Torah for other women.
Number three.
I know you wanna know, what about the partay?
I know what you've heard, you've heard about
Mariah Carey at people's bar mitzvah's
and the Rockettes and DJs spinning hip tunes all night.
You've heard about fountains of chocolate
and limousines and parties costing
hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Yes, that does happen.
But not in my house!
While many people do devote a lot of time and money
to the party, in our family,
we devoted a lot of time to the learning,
the Torah study, the speech writing,
you know, the boring stuff.
Basically, I solidified my raising a child
who, like me, hates fun.
I'm kidding, but not really.
In all seriousness, we had a lovely lunch
at synagogue, right after services,
and a handful of kids came over to my ex-husband's house
for pizza and dancing at night.
We got balloons, we borrowed a friends disco ball, done.
Number four, what about the money?
(whispers) The money.
(normal voice) I know some people think that all Jews
think about is money.
It is not true.
Although, it is true that traditional bar mitzvah gifts
tend to be monetary, and in denominations of 18,
because, in Hebrew, the word for life,
actually corresponds to the numerical equivalent of 18.
We encouraged our son to donate 10%
of his bar mitzvah earnings to charity,
which he gladly agreed to, and the rest of it
he wants to invest and not touch until he's 18.
Number five, the feelings.
This rite of passage is huge.
It is very significant.
My first-born is 13, but he still seems like
so much of a little boy, in the best ways.
There are hints of maturity coming through.
He carries himself a little bit differently,
he's got, like, little bit of a swagger now,
his neck seems really long, he cares more about
his appearance, he kind of speaks more formally.
He's been studying for the better part of this past year.
He has learned the melodies and the words
and the philosophy of our people.
It was so powerful to see him up there in a suit
and he was so adorable, he was!
This is my boy, this is my baby, and he's growing up.
He's grown up.
Becoming a bar mitzvah was a process he took on,
which involved a tremendous amount of responsibility
and him learning how to manage his time
and his energy and his sense of commitment
to the Jewish people.
He also got to complain about all the things he didn't like
and he got fatigued about having to practice so much
and if nothing else, he perfected the art
of eye-rolling this year.
Mom, bah!
I would love this child no matter what,
but I have to say, this bar mitzvah process
helped me love him in more ways
than I even knew that I could
and I am so grateful for that.
I learned about his deep thoughts about God
and Jewish law and the religious process in general.
We sat as equals with our trusty teacher, Shep,
and I got to see his eyes light up
and his brain near explode when he comprehended
a really, really deep, deep piece of Torah learning.
And I saw him hold up the trust of our people
when he came up with his own answers to eternal questions,
the way a true scholar should.
I know my boy so much better from this process.
I can see the foundation of the man
that he's starting to become,
and I feel so high from this entire process.
It sounds so cheesy, but it was so amazing,
what it did for him, and for me
and for our family and for his place in our community
and it was unbelievable.
Mostly, I can't wait to see what he does next.
Thanks for letting me share my experience
about my son's bar mitzvah with you.
What are your thoughts about bar mitzvah,
what are some things that are still unclear to you?
Leave them in the comments below.
In addition, if there's other things about my
religious tradition that you wanna hear me talk about,
let me know.
Thanks for watching, go to groknation.com
for more about the bar mitzvah.
See you next time.