Hello, this is Robert Smith. I'm here in Lucerne
Switzerland. And I'd like to share some
ideas that I have about perfectionism.
You know, because a lot of people have
this idea of perfectionism and how do
you deal with it? How do you change it?
How does it work? And there's many models
of perfectionism. And they come from
different areas of someone's life. One of
them is a common perfectionism program
picked up in childhood. Let's say life is
chaotic, maybe an alcoholic mother or
father or controlling mother and father,
controlling brothers, sister whatever it
is and maybe school issues. And so that
they figured out they did it
perfectly right, they wouldn't get in
trouble or they perfectly controlled
everything that bad things won't happen
to them. This is one common perfectionism
program. Another one is, perfectionism is
give, gives you a sense of security,
comfort maybe. You know, another one is
perfectionism, if I, if I did it right,
they will love me. If I was, if I was
perfect but I look perfectly, if I did it
perfectly, made perfect grades, did it
right, then maybe someone to love and
accept me. Another form of perfectionism
mentioned fear, love, security. It's also
so controlling of your life. You know
because the truth is, there's no such
thing as perfect. You know, it doesn't
exist. And of course, if you're trying to
be perfect, what you're thinking or
presuming before this thought, I need to
be perfect is that, you're not perfect.
You're imperfective. There's something wrong
with you. There's something that's not
working right. Which in and with this
program inside you, it always drives you.
You know, it's like, I'm trying to be
right, trying to be perfect or I look
good. Now I got to try to keep it,
maintained it and then next thing you
know, you gain weight, you're getting
older, you didn't make the grade, you made
a mistake. And then you start beating
yourself up. So one of the things that I,
you know, that's that's one of the things
that I have looked at and worked on with
myself because
you know, I do a lot of videos and you
know and I'm coming from a background
that I can never be perfect. You know, and
perfection doesn't really exist. And so
what I've learned is that perfectionism
has to happen to be one of the lowest
standards you could ever have. And the
reason is, is that you'll never obtain it.
It's impossible. So perfectionism is a
program that keeps you locked in a place
that you can never achieve. Grand it I
believe in and doing your best,
excellence. Always look at when I do
something. I look at it and I enjoy it, I
like it and I say how can I improve it
to make it even better. But that's growth.
And I don't beat myself up if I have I
said something wrong, if I misspelled a
word or if the sound wasn't, you know ,
ideal. So it's what you do with it, you
know so always improving myself. I was
looking for ways to become a better,
better teacher, and I asked for
criticisms. Because it's within the
criticism, I can say, ok, there's the
valid, there's something valid here I can
look at. Something I can see if I can
change. It was really all about you, you
know. So perfectionism it'll never happen
inside you. And so, another thing is, it's
like, you know, I've been, you know,
personally going through some
relationship stuff and helping people
relationship stuff, and what we have
done is we set up models in our head
about how it should be, you know, the
perfect relationship. And some people
don't have that how it should be. But
they still keep getting what they've
always gotten it's always known. So
sometimes we have what you call the, the
magical relationship that this is how it
should be, and yet inside your own world,
inside your own mind, it's just this is
just an idea, how it should be, what I
want it to be perfect like. But then you
have the reality of life which is never
perfect. It's just perfect within its
imperfections. And so one thing is you
learn is that, what I do in my
head is, when I, when I give a
presentation, we're in a relationship or
when I do something, I say, well, okay, is
great, it's the best I could do at that
time. And then I look at and say, well, if
I were to change it, and I make it even
better what can I do, you know, how can I
improve my skills and talents? Because
again like I said, there's no such thing , 112 00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:32,910 as perfection, just improvements,
excellence. And so then that's what I do
is, I start working on it, you know, you
could enter relationship. So, you may
enter a relationship. And, and it should
be X but yet you're presented with Y. And
so, if you're presented with Y. Why
isn't like X or why don't you just
accept and love what it is. And if it's
not exactly fits your emotional world,
your relationship world, your sexual
world, your interaction world, then maybe
either one you accept the way it is or
two you should start changing for
yourself. Because again oftentimes our
judgments are criticisms about
perfectionism, everybody should do it
perfect. But it sets us in the seat of
judgment and condemnation. And then we
start judging contentment everybody
because they're not doing it way we
can't do, and hadn't been able to, but we
have the standard, you know. So with
relationships it's the same way. So a lot
of times people will come to see me.
They're in a relationship. They've been
married for 20, 30 years, ten years. And
it's the same guy that married, the same
woman that married. And now of a sudden,
you know, they started realizing that
they're not perfect. They're not exactly
like we want them to be. And we started
judging, condemning them. And so, one of
the things always say is, work on
yourself, heal yourself, address what you
feel about the situation. And oftentimes
the situation will shift and change
because you change. And so, that's how it
works. So let go the judgments. Let go of
the things that have to be perfect.
Accept what it is and improve what you
are. And one of the best ways to improve
what you are, is change what you hold.
Which means, change the memories in which
that drives the pain, which is the pain
rejection, the pain of being not good
enough, or the pain that, that everybody
else is better than you, or are you going
to, no one's going to love you if you're
not perfect, you know. So these are the
pain that you drive it. And then all of
a sudden, you'll just do a great job. And
you'll honor yourself, you know, I look at
a lot of stuff I've done, said, well, you
know, like I have a manual or do it like
I said, a video before, and it's not
perfect, you know, its imperfections like
this video here, you know, I'm holding
with my hand and it's wiggling around. So
what? At least the message is here, you
know. And so that's how I said, just do the
best you can, love yourself, like yourself,
everything you've ever done, your life
was the best you could at the time. And
then improve upon it. If there's pain in
those experiences, pain in relationships,
pain in your past, feel it, identified,
own it and then change it, release it
transform it. You know, that's what we do.
We don't run from our problems. We don't
pretend like they're not there. We say,
Hey, why I got a problem. I made a
mistake. I need some improvement. And then
get some tapping, you know. So, I
personally had a lot of happening in
this last 15, 16 years ago. 16 years of
doing Faster EFT or EFT Faster EFT
evolution. And I'm not the same person
and I won't be the same person next week.
Because I'm always self-improving. I'm
always cleaning up my head and cleaned
up my reactions to the world. And, you
know, there's a lot of areas I still need
to work on. But life is a journey. And
so you just keep traveling through the
road, you know, there's personal
experiences and things I don't want to
deal with, I don't look at. So I don't look
at till I'm ready. And when I'm ready, I
just step in there and two feet and clean
up. So that's what I suggest. One way you
can do is, you know, how we use our to
change in Faster EFT with the
structure, how to elicit, how you might
you have problems. The first thing is, how
do you know you have a problem. Write it
down. Same thing is ask yourself I have
our experiences before. Write down all
the experiences. Do I know anyone else
has the same problem, write down everyone
else, you know, have had this problem.
maybe the remembers and references
you're using. And at this problem were to
be a thousand times bad, worse, how bad
would it be, write down what up however
you see it. And then if this problem is
gone, what bad things would happen next.
Clean that up too. So we just we identify
these memories we tap on, we change
them and we move forward. So you are
perfect with any imperfections. And
you're perfectly doing it right right
now. So there's nothing wrong with you.
Just learn how to love yourself more. But
being nice inside yourself. Change the
memories that hurt. Identify the
feelings that bother you. Feel it, tap it and
release it. This is Robert Smith here in
Lucerne Switzerland. And I'm right here
by the big lake.
I don't know what's the lake's called. It's big. I'll
let you look at it.
This is Robert Smith. Have a good day. Tap on
yourself, like yourself, love yourself and
in the whole world will start change for
yourself. Talk to you better, talk, hmm and
the whole world, just tap on yourself,
love yourself, like yourself and the
whole world will change. Talk to you
later. And tap. Peace.
Subtitle: Liu Chin
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