What does it take to write an ad
headline or subject line that's impossible to ignore?
Well come along with me as I take you
through one of my favorite copywriting exercises ever.
I'm gonna let you look
over my shoulder as I critique this copy from
Andfrankly along with six other variations submitted
by the Posse community. What made them great?
What left me wanting more?
And what could make these even more powerful?
Keep watching.
Hey, posse, what's up?
It's Alex.
If you're following me on Instagram at Copy Posse
then you've probably seen my regular Make it
Hotter posts where I find an ad, a headline
or a subject line, and put it out to you
the Posse community to, yep, you guessed it.
Make it even hotter.
Now, not only is this one
of my favorite ways to practice copywriting
but it's a great way to see how other copywriters think
which ultimately helps you better understand why
certain things work and why certain things don't.
And the best part of this exercise
for me is when I get to put on my posse prof, spectacles
and critique the top voted submissions.
So in today's video, I'm gonna take you
through one of my latest additions of Make It Hotter
and break down my critiques of each ad point by point.
So let's get started.
First, take a look
at this post where I ask the Posse community to
make this ad even hotter.
So this ad is for &frankly
a tool that helps organizations understand their employees
keep them engaged
and drive everyone towards better performance.
Now, here is their original ad copy.
Did you know only 15% of employees are engaged at work?
Be the manager that raises the bar
with &frankly learn more.
Okay, not bad, not bad, but I gotta admit, I kind of
like the posse-fied versions just a little bit better.
But before I get to my critiques of those submissions
first, let's critique this ad by &frankly what worked
what was lacking and what do I think could have
been done a little bit better?
Now the first thing that I notice is how short the copy is.
The whole thing is just two sentences.
Now, short copy can work really, really well
but when it's this short, that actually makes your job
as a copywriter a lot harder because you have to
pack a super powerful punch in just a few number of words
which means every single word needs to count.
So here they start off with the hook.
"Did you know only 15% of employees are engaged at work?"
Now, I actually really like the use
of what I call the FYI hook telling people, Hey
did you know they're using a statistic?
That's probably pretty shocking to most managers
and business owners or anyone else who runs a team
which means they're immediately capturing the attention
of their target audience, which is awesome.
But remember, every word really needs to count here.
So I would actually eliminate that.
Did you know at the beginning
and just go straight into the stats
"Only 15% of employees are engaged at work" or even better
"Only 15% of your employees are engaged at work."
Because remember, when you are leading
with a question like this, most people want some sort
of explanation or more details to follow it up.
So this is a great hook, but if they wanna lead
with this question, then maybe I would do that
in the description copy that accompanies this ad
where they have more room to elaborate a little bit more
and draw the reader in even further.
Now, the next and final sentence
of this ad is "Be the manager that raises the bar with
and frankly." Alright
so I see what they're trying to do here.
They're once again calling out their target audience
which of course is managers, but this time very directly
by saying, be the manager that raises the bar.
And they're also playing
into the reader's sense of status or ego.
They're basically saying, Hey
the way your employees act and work is reflection on you.
Other people are judging you based on this metric.
So what they're really trying to do is get
this manager to take action
in order to boost their own self-image
or how their bosses or other people perceive them
which is absolutely brilliant.
But I think there's a way
that this could have been done even better.
It's pretty vague
on how the manager is going to raise the bar.
What does that even mean?
Or are they gonna be an asshole that everyone hates?
Are they gonna crack down
on lunch breaks and monitor screen time?
I'm guessing that would have the opposite effect
of what the manager actually wants, right?
So I would suggest that they replace this sentence
with something else that adds more context on how using
&frankly is gonna make this manager a superhero
that uplevels the workplace and saves the day.
Now, of course, not in those exact words
but that feels a lot more motivating, right?
Alright, and finally, the end
with a CTA of learn more, which I think is great.
Short and crystal clear, nothing wrong with that.
So overall, this ad is really, really good
but let's see what the Posse thinks.
Before I get to that, here's a quick recap
of my three step formula for writing a hot headline.
And don't worry about taking notes
because I have an entire free guide waiting
for you at the end
of this video that will break down each one of these steps.
Alright?
Now, a hot headline should first hook attention.
So start with a concept or idea that really
grabs the reader's attention by either provoking an emotion
like fear, joy, controversy, FOMO nostalgia
or promising a desired result
or a clear USP. A unique selling proposition.
The second thing you want your headline to
do is open a loop.
You wanna pique curiosity
and incentivize your audience to read further.
And lastly, you want to target your audience
making it very very clear exactly who you're speaking to.
Alright, so with that, let's take a look
at the Posse submissions along with my critique of each one.
These 6 ads were selected for critique
because they received the most amounts
of likes or votes from the Posse community.
So let's take a look.
Okay, so this first ad says you don't know
but your dream team is already working
with you! With &frankly
become the leader who gets the employees engaged
to their work and leads the company to the 1% club.
Overall, I think you have some really, really strong ideas.
I actually really like the emojis that you put in this ad
but just be careful to not overdo it.
I like to put emojis at the end
of an idea or the end of a sentence, not right in between
because it can kind of get a little bit confusing
and people's minds kind of come to a jarring stop
when they see an emoji that's meant to replace a word
or come smack dab in the middle of a sentence.
Also, just be careful with some grammar.
There's just a few little grammar edits that I would make
for flow.
You can see those have been fixed there.
Overall, love the hook.
I love the your dream team is already working with you.
What's so great about that is you're saying, Hey
your team is amazing.
Maybe they just need a little bit of extra support
a little bit of extra help.
I think that's a really, really great hook.
Now, your last sentence here leads the company
to the 1% club.
I like that, but can you make it even more specific?
Remember, you really want your ad to carry a punch
and what does that benefit really mean?
Does it mean boosting profits and productivity?
How can you bring a really specific benefit into this ad?
And then the last thing I would say is just
make sure to add a CTA right Click below to learn more.
Click below to try it for free.
Whatever call to action works best for
&frankly, overall, excellent, excellent work.
Okay, moving on to the next ad.
Is your team asleep at the wheel time to wake them up
and ignite their passion for a job well done.
&frankly can show you how overall really great hook asleep
at the wheel has a very, very strong connotation.
I think that's really powerful.
I love how you say ignite their passion.
Obviously, I love that word ignite
but I think that's a really awesome juicy benefit.
Don't forget a cta, just like the last critique.
Make sure you're always adding a CTA at the end.
Tell people exactly what to do next.
And overall
I think you could have made it a little bit more specific.
When you say show you how, the more specific you can be
on what makes &frankly unique and bring
in a little bit of that USP.
Is there a feature or a
a benefit that the app provides that really helps managers
and how exactly does it do that overall?
Very, very strong.
Good job.
Okay, the next ad here is hear that it's 85%
of your workforce quiet, quitting, and frankly, oh my gosh
I love that how you did that.
&frankly, there is much you can do about it.
Learn more.
So overall, I think that's super, super strong.
Hear that.
I love that hook to really bring in, really bring in the
the reader and pique curiosity.
It's 85% of your workforce quiet quitting
I might say quietly quitting
because I think that flows a little bit better
and I think it's still super relevant
and everyone knows that that is probably very top
of mind for a lot of managers right now.
And frankly, there is much you can do about it, I would say.
And frankly, there's actually a lot you can do about it
or there's actually a lot that you can do too
and maybe you can bring in a more specific benefit there.
And then a great cta.
Nice and simple.
Excellent, excellent work here.
Okay, next one, make your team feel
like they truly belong because only 15% feel they do.
Your job is hard enough.
Let &frankly do the rest.
I love the cadence of that ad.
Even reading it, it feels really, really well
well thought out and well written.
I love the benny that that you bring up.
You know, make your, your team feel like they truly belong.
That is like Maslow's hierarchy, you know, of needs.
We all wanna feel like we belong, and every manager
of course, wants their team to feel like they belong.
So I think that's a really strong benny.
Now, I love the ending
but how could you add a little bit more
about the how, right?
Similar to the last critique, let &frankly do the rest.
Is there something you can add in short
and sweet that really explains what does &frankly do
and how does it help a feature
something that this, that this provides managers to
make it a little bit more tangible and specific.
Also, again, just make sure you add a simple CTA
at the very, very end.
And then I would love to see a source.
Again, this applies to all of the ads, even the original one
because there was no source provided.
So this is a critique sort of across the board.
Sometimes when you can add in a source
it really adds to the authority.
And now I'm not saying you have to, you know
link to the source, but to say something like according
to and if it's a really, really reputable source
that can actually help by adding authority to your ad.
So according to the labor board of whatever, or according
to an article done by Harvard or a study done by Harvard
anything like that could really add credibility.
And this goes
to any time you're including stats in your copy.
Of course, you don't wanna have to link
out to sources and create, you know
distractions or different calls to action, but
if you can bring in the source
in a way that adds authority, it's really, really powerful.
Okay, moving on to the next one.
Is your workplace a certified ZOZ - zone out zone.
Studies show that 85% of employees are not engaged
at work raise productivity with, &frankly
so I love the use of emojis here.
Again, just a couple great use of data.
I think studies show also adds authority
even if you're not saying what the exact source is
this is another great, great way to add authority.
I love that you explained the Z O Z.
Obviously you made that up, which I think is great.
It grabs attention.
People go, what's that?
Oh, zone out zone.
I think that that's really
really cute and I, and I love that.
I love the super clear benefit.
Raise productivity with &frankly, right?
That is what these managers want.
You could even say
raise the productivity of your team with &frankly
or raise productivity and profits with &frankly.
Just to expand on that, Benny a little bit more
don't forget a CTA
and just a couple teeny tiny little grammar tweaks
but overall, really, really strong ad here.
Alright.
And lastly, your employees are feeling left out.
85% of them increase your team's productivity
and win the best manager award this year with.
And frankly
I love that ad your employees are feeling left out.
I think that's a strong pain point.
I think you can make it maybe a little bit stronger.
Why are they feeling left out or what's happening?
Because they're feeling left out.
Your, you know, your employees are feeling left
out and as a result they are not performing
or they are not driving results.
You know how does it negatively impact the business owner?
Increase your team's productivity and win.
Just a couple grammar capitalization issues there.
Love the Win the Best Manager Award this year.
Again, we're really pulling on the reader's sense
of status and ego or desire for status
which is a very, very strong hook.
So I think that is really, really smart.
And of course, just finally adding a call
to action at the end.
Ah, everyone did such a great job on this exercise.
Now, if you wanna play along
for the next edition of Make It Hotter
be sure to follow me over on Instagram at Copy Posse.
And if you like this video
and wanna see more in-depth critiques
like this one in the future, you know what to do.
Make sure to hit subscribe below.
And don't forget to ring that bell to
be notified when my next video goes live.
And as I mentioned earlier, do not forget to grab your copy
of my free Hot Headline Guide
so you can learn exactly how to write headlines
and ads and subject lines that grab attention
and stops scrollers in their tracks.
You can grab that
in just a few seconds at the end of this video.
Thank you so much for watching.
I will see you next time.
Until then, I'm Alex ciao for now.
Alright, guys, if you enjoyed that video
make sure to check out the next one from me right here
and you can click right here to get a free gift.
What does it take to write an ad headline
or a subject line that's impossible to ignore?
Come along with me as I take you
through one of my favorite copywriting exercises ever.
I'm gonna let you look over my shoulder
as I critique this copy from Remarkable
and six other variations that were submitted
by the Posse community.
What made them great?
What left me wanting more
and what could make them even more powerful?
Keep watching.