- I remember going to the doctor's office,
and we went in his office and he said,
"For some people, this type of journey with surrogacy,
and just this whole way of having children,
sometimes it happens really fast,
and sometimes it happens really slow."
I just was like, "Okay,
one or two times I was like, "This is a great story.
It helps you have a little patience
and not think that it happens right away."
Not to think that it was gonna take us--
- Five years.
- 12 times, 5 years, 6 egg donors, 5 surrogates,
and emotional burden, and obviously financial burden.
Hi, I get it.
That bike is amazing.
- [Child] Hey.
- Hi. - Hi.
How are you?
- How was your day (laughs)?
- [Shaun] Oh my gosh.
- [Scott] I think, for me, when I met him
I felt like my life was complete.
I'd done everything that I'd wanted to do as a single person
and now with my partner.
And I thought the natural next step progression
is to have kids.
I thought we should have kids.
And I wanted 11, because I wanted a whole soccer team.
- And I didn't want any.
I was like, "No thank you, I am good to go.
Life is great."
We had traveled the world two times.
I didn't have a stroller, I didn't have a bassinet.
For me it was like, "Okay, he wants 11, I don't want any."
How do we,
people call it compromising, but what is happiness to us?
And so, originally I was fine with two.
- Yeah, and so we're like, "Okay, this'll be easy."
- Our process of having children has been...
it was just a waiting game.
It was like being an extra in a movie.
You know how they tell you to show up at 3:00 p.m.
And you think you're gonna shoot at four,
but you actually don't shoot until 3:00 a.m.
It's just like, hurry up and wait.
And we waited, and waited,
and waited, and waited, and waited.
Not only are you, you wanna have children for yourself
and your spouse and you wanna grow this family,
but the way we had to do it is
we had to rely on other people
and form relationships with other people.
We're formulating relationships with the husband,
the wife, the family, the kids,
all to come to a point where it's like,
"We tried a few times, it's not working,
we still want a family, we can't try with you anymore."
And no matter how you slice it,
I don't care what anyone says,
no matter how you slice it, emotions always win.
Someone's always sad, someone's always crying.
- Someone's always hurt.
- Someone thinks it's their fault, when it's just,
whatever the powers that be, just didn't want it to happen.
So I'm on the phone with Ashley, who works in the office.
She's maybe the office manager?
Maybe not at the time, but- -
- She was the office manager at the time.
- So she said, "What are you gonna do?
Do you have a surrogate?"
And I said, "No, we're literally starting at ground zero.
We're four and a half years in.
All this time, effort, emotion, friends, everything."
And she said, "I wanna be your surrogate."
I nearly lost, like, I was like, "What?"
I said, "Wait,
Are you sure you know what's going on with that?"
And she said, "Yeah, I read your file.
I don't know who you are.
I just know that you are on this struggle
and this journey, and that I wanna be a part of it."
"And my husband has always said no, but now he said yes."
So he comes in and I say, "So I have some good news.
I think we have a surrogate."
And he said, "Who?"
And I said, "Ashley."
And he's like, "Ashley from the office?"
I was like, "Yeah, she said she wants to be our surrogate."
- When we were in the NICU,
our emotions were all over the place, in a sense.
Because at first, you're just happy they're born.
And then you're constantly hoping they thrive.
- When we first showed up, with the kids we're like,
"Are they ours?
Can we touch them?"
They're like, "Yeah, you can touch them."
So we go like this.
They're like, "No, you can touch them."
And we're like...
- And she's like, "No, put pressure on them."
- [Scott] They want to feel you, yeah.
- "Touch them."
Because you're like, they're so small.
I think they were probably from my finger to this wristband.
They were, I don't know, something like 17 inches, maybe?
They were so tiny. - All I know is that it was
a different type of emotional rollercoaster
than we had been on, but still calming,
because of the fact that we had experts helping us.
So we were able to put our foot in the water,
but not have to jump in.
My moment of this is really happening,
happened when I was leaving the hospital
with both twins in my arms.
And I literally burst into tears,
because I was like, "Oh my God, this is actually happening,"
because growing up, for me,
growing up gay was a constant struggle
and I never thought I was gonna get married,
I was never gonna have family,
I was never gonna be what I consider,
what people considered to be happy, right?
I met him and then I realized I could accept myself.
And then we were allowed to get married,
and then moving into that next stage
of having kids and a family,
having the two kids in my arms, I lost it.
I lost it.
And I was just like, "Oh my God.
"This is actually happening
and thank you for everyone that's helped out."
- Where are we going, guys?
- You see trees?
- [Child] Tree.
- Tree? Show me a tree.
- [Child] Tree?
- Yeah, right there.
Good job. - Good job.
- We thought we had finally made it over the mountain,
and then we have these two kid, infants.
The next four months were hell.
Hell, hell.
I truly thought I had ruined our marriage,
because I was like, "We are now screaming at each other."
- The light at the end of the tunnel for me
is when our pediatrician said, "They can cry it out."
I was like, "Hallelujah!"
Because cry yourself as long as you want,
I'm going to sleep.
You're strong enough.
And he just couldn't deal with the crying (laughs).
- It added another layer of stress to me.
But I think when we finally,
I started feeling more comfortable about the situation
is when we got help other than my parents.
- [Shaun] Yeah.
- My parents are amazing and they were very helpful.
- It was his parents, they live right next door,
and it was us.
And I was still traveling for work.
And so I would come home,
I would send him next door so he could sleep.
- Well, I think we're able to balance a family and work life
because this is number one.
Our relationship comes first,
because if we don't have that basis,
then we are not able to parent or love our kids effectively.
So we establish boundaries, we establish what works for him,
or what he needs to do,
what works for me, what I need to do,
and we make it work for each other.
And then we're very fortunate that we have help
that can come in and alleviate some time, or stress,
or whatever to get us to be able to have this,
and then have that, and then be able to still function.
- [Child] The bath.
- Yes (laughs), you're gonna get in the bath.
Okay, here, follow Dada, follow Dada.
He's gonna take you to the bath.
- [Scott] Come on, buddy.
Hands up.
Good job, buddy.
Whoops.
Oh.
His happy place.
Literally, when we pull him out, hell will break loose.
- I think at first,
we were able to stay through the tough times and keep going
because of just who we are as people.
We just don't give up on anything.
And so I mean, I have it on my arms.
I have "trust" and "believe" right here (laughs).
So that's like the thing that we just,
we just have to believe that this can happen.
- I think the definition of family is love.
Because I don't consider myself to be in a gay relationship.
I don't really think about myself as being a gay person.
I think I'm human, I'm in love with this person,
and we have two kids.
And it is the most amazing thing ever.
For defining family is however people define it
because we have family members who are not,
we have friends who we consider family, right?
So it's the love and respect you have for each other,
I think.
- My definition of family is legacy,
how are you leaving a legacy behind.
What happens inside of a household is one thing,
but how are you impacting the world.
You just never know what's inside of the home.
And so, I think that the energy that's inside of the home
and how it impacts the world on the outside
is really the definition of family.
And how much greatness you can bring to the world.
Come here, guys.
We're talking about you.
- Oh my gosh, those smiles.
- [Scott] Hop.
- [Shaun] Hop little bunny, hop, hop, hop.
- Come here, where you going (laughs)?
- Okay, come on.
Hi.
Okay.
- Say, "No, I wanna stand up."
He's like, "I'm not having it."
- This is Silas and that's Sander.
Okay, go run.
- At the end of the day, kids are super fun,
but they're super hard.
And so you have to have a really good relationship
with your spouse, or people who help you,
in order to keep really good energy around your house
so that they can thrive like this, right guys?
Say yes.
- (mumbles)
Yes.
Sander, say yes.
- Say bye.
Say bye. - Say bye.
Can you wave bye-bye?
Say bye-bye.