Hi guys, it's Emil and this week's topic is coming out to extended family and relatives.
So I'm just gonna tell you how I came out to my extended family, and then I'm gonna
give you some advice from my personal point of view, on how to do that.
Yeah.
So when I came out in general, to anyone except my mom and a few close friends, was I wrote
a post on Facebook just telling people that I'm transgender, I use this name, I want these
pronouns, I'm going to go through a medical transition and just like briefly explaining
what that meant to me.
I have most of my extended family on Facebook, um, so most of them saw, and they were supportive
from the very start.
There are a few that, like, I haven't checked with since then and I don't really know if
they know and I don't really know if they support me, but, you know, we'll have to see
about that.
There was one that had some issues in the beginning, but then came around and has since
told me that.
Um, and is now fully supportive.
There's like a few that don't have Facebook and one of them, I was actually seeing that
person not long ago, like at Christmas.
And I was going to that person to get picked up, and I needed to call to make sure that
I had, um, the code to the- to the door into the apartment building.
And I called and I was like "wait... does this person know?" and like, they answered
and I was like "um... it's Emil" and they were like "oh hi!" and I was like [relieved
sigh] "thank god!
Somebody else told them!"
So yeah, um, but... fully supportive, it's been fine, I'm very, very fortunate in that
sense.
And I am very grateful that I am in this position.
But the advice I have for people who are coming out to extended family and relatives is just
do it in your own way.
Um, you don't have to make a status on Facebook and tell everyone at once.
You know, you can write letters, you can call them, you can write them private messages
and you don't even need to tell everyone face to face.
You know, if you have like... a cousin, and they have a bunch of people on their side
of the family, you can just tell one of them, and be like "hey can you tell these other
people?"
and they probably will, like if they are supportive, they will.
They will explain.
And yeah.
Um, so, there are a number of different ways to do it.
You know, you can call, you can write, you can make a status on Facebook if you want
to, uh, but there are very many different ways that you can come out.
You can- Obviously you can also come out face to face, like.
Whatever.
Don't feel like you need to need to do it in a certain way.
Don't feel like you need to come out to everyone at once.
If you're not coming out to everyone at once and you don't necessarily want everyone to
know, it's really good to tell the people that you're telling not to spread it, because
things can spread in families.
One thing that is also really important to remember, uh, especially when it comes to
extended family that's not necessarily in your immediate, um, area all the time- Or
like, in your life all the time... is that if they don't accept you right away, try not
to put too much energy into worrying about that.
Because chances are they will come around.
A lot of people will actually come around after a while.
You know, we had a person write in to our Tumblr a couple of days ago saying that they
had at first not been supportive of their trans brother - that's not extended family,
but still - but now they were because they had educated themselves and said that we had
helped them and everything and it was just a very touching...
Um...
It was great.
Bottom line is, people can come around even if they aren't initially supportive.
That's not to say they will, like I can't guarantee anything, unfortunately, but they
CAN actually come around, um, with time.
Just like, do it in your own way.
Do it in your own pace.
Um, if you have supportive people around you in your family, you can ask them to help.
Like I asked my mom to help me come out to my grandma.
If you're coming out to somebody of an older generation or somebody who tends to be skeptical
in general, one thing that I was actually recommended by my gender clinic is that you
tell- You don't tell them that you are transgender and this is how it is, and this is the name,
these are the pronouns.
You tell them that you are going to therapy for this.
In my case like, I'm doing- I'm getting an assessment, I'm doing this entire thing.
So you're going to therapy for- ther [messes up words] THERAPY for this, if you're going
to therapy.
And "chances are that this person might be a transgender person, just so you know", and
that way they feel involved in the process and they- It's also not set in stone immediately,
so it's not as big of a shock to people who might be shocked by that.
So that is also a tip that I have for the older generation or people who can tend to
be skeptical.
If you wanna- if you wanna say that, just say that you're going to therapy for this,
we're gonna see how it turns out, um, but just so you know... yeah.
So could say that you prefer a certain name and certain pronouns already then, but just
so that, like - especially if they are of an older generation - that it's not as big
of a shock to them.
Because sometimes when people are shocked or when something is just very set in stone,
they immediately oppose it, whereas if it's not something that is as, you know, assertive,
it's easier for them to take sometimes, and that can in turn be easier for YOU because
their reaction won't be as violent as it would've- or like, as, you know, dramatic as it would've
been if you'd come out in a different way.
Perhaps.
We don't know.
So that is what I have to say about coming out to extended family and relatives.
I hope some of my very few tips were helpful.
If you have any questions that you think I could answer, just write them in the comment
section below or contact me on my Tumblr.
Link is in the description as usual.
And I will see you next week.
Love you, bye!