[LGR Theme plays]
[fizz, sip]
Aahhh!
[typing]
Freakin' Funky Fuzzballs!
Wow, there's a game with the word "freakin" in the title.
When I saw this recently, I absolutely had to own it,
so I grabbed it for a couple of bucks on eBay.
Just look at this cover art.
I have no idea what that is chasing him,
but I tell you, that fuzzball strikes me as nothing other than freakin' funky without a doubt.
And come to find out the company responsible for this awesomeness
is nothing other Sir-Tech.
Yes, that's the same Sir-Tech who is known for the Wizardry and Jagged Alliance games.
And some of those people involved in those also worked on this.
I imagine that's one colorful résumé they have.
Freakin' Funky Fuzzballs,
or FFFFFFFF
is full of awesomeness on the outside,
but what about the creamy center?
Ooh...
[sniffs deeply]
Aahhh...
Sir-Tech floppies.
Sorry, as a PC gaming geek, this is...
This is the good stuff.
The manual gives you some nice illustrations
and all the information you could want regarding the game.
I see no mention of a story or plot anywhere,
no mention of what universe you're even in,
why you're a funky fuzzball,
and who or what is out to get you.
I suppose it does not matter.
There's also this sheet of paper that is a requirement
due to some rather off-putting copy protection,
which of course greets you at the game's start.
Whatever. I've seen far worse.
*ahem* Dragon's Lair...
After the generously colorful artwork,
the first thing I noticed once the game's opened
is the completely radical music,
which is just a short AdLib loop,
but man, is it freakin' funky.
[funky AdLib music plays]
After selecting some options,
and a cool little reference to either H. G. Wells
or Max Frost and the Troopers,
you jump right into the game in its first time period:
ancient times.
FFF is a simple-looking puzzle game of deceptive difficulty.
You are the freakin' funky fuzzball
and you must find the key to get to the next level.
In the first world, it's a bit reminiscent of games like Q*bert
Activision's Frostbite and
I'm sure something else that's so obvious it's not coming to mind.
You move your funkified ball of freakin' fuzz around the map using the numpad,
removing blocks by walking over them.
There is at least one enemy on each map that you'll have to avoid,
or you'll get your strength zapped,
with all sorts of nifty swearing happening at the bottom of the screen.
Being a Sir-Tech game, I suppose they couldn't resist the urge
to include all sorts of fantasy elements,
like strength, vitality, scrolls, potion, magic and armor.
In the first world, all you have to worry about is your strength and vitality.
Vitality is the maximum amount of strength, which is your health.
You can replenish your strength by absorbing things like pizza and coffee,
through some sort of bizarre fuzzball osmosis, I guess.
Once you get the required amount of keys, it will let you know.
And then you must find the door to exit to the next level.
And that's really about it.
It's the same basic idea for 15 total levels.
The main thing that changes are the methods of surviving.
In these first levels, you'll want to make sure that you don't block yourself off
from an area you need to get to, or it's game over.
Input high score, try again.
You'll need a randomly-appearing magic wand in order to cross these gaps.
But act quickly, because the enemies will run towards them and make them their own.
And they react instantly to noticing them,
so you'll have to be pretty close in order to have any kind of chance of grabbing it.
It's also of note that you really can't outrun them,
since the quicker you move, they quicker they move.
Kind of like in Rodent's Revenge and similar games.
It almost feels like turn-based gameplay in real time.
Next you'll move on to the medieval levels,
which now include armor, shields, scrolls, and the like.
Armor reduces the damage you'll take,
shields shield against one attack,
potions restore 100 strength,
and scrolls cast a random temporary spell, either good or bad,
like making you invincible
or turning you blind.
The blocks don't disappear on this world, they just change color,
so it's all about avoiding the enemies
and uncovering as many blocks as you can
until you eventually get the items you need.
The other big changes later on are the modern and future worlds,
which introduce diagonal gameplay,
using 7, 9, 1, and 3 on the numpad.
This is where the difficulty spikes,
since coming from the previous levels to this is really unsettling.
Level 15 is the end where you'll need to use dynamite on an end boss,
but that's for you to experience yourself.
There's also a multiplayer mode
where you can either take turns with up to ten players going through the game as usual,
or with one player playing as the enemy,
which is exactly how it sounds,
and is somewhat enjoyable
if you're into annoying your friends.
And that's Freakin' Funky Fuzzballs.
It's not bad for a little while,
and the first few times you play through it are enjoyable,
if only to see what comes next.
The music is fun, the graphics and animation are good enough,
and the controls throw you for a loop here and there,
but otherwise they're pretty spot on.
Still, I can't recommend it entirely,
just because it's nearly the same thing each time that you play.
And since there are only 15 levels,
and they're pretty much the same thing repeatedly
with very little changing.
It's not like games like Lode Runner
where you keep playing over and over to see the myriad levels
and consistently changing puzzles.
I'd still recommend giving it a playthrough.
But don't set your hopes too high.