one of the most difficult things for us as human beings to do is to forgive others.
It is very difficult, especially when it is done by someone
who was close to you, when they've wronged you and they have
oppressed you or harmed you or usurped your wealth or something has happened.
Sometimes it's a misunderstanding.
But this is the month of forgiveness.
We need to talk about the most difficult
of things and we need to encourage one another to forgive and to reconcile
because to mend relationships is a great act of worship.
Let's go back. Allah Almighty created Adam,
may peace be upon him, and Hawa or Eve, may peace be upon her.
Adam and Eve were our father and mother,
and we are all the children of Adam and Eve.
Now, this would mean we're all related somehow,
although it doesn't seem like that anymore.
In fact, those of us who have gone into a family trees would notice that we don't
even know our relatives who are quite close to us when it becomes third,
fourth generation, especially with extended family.
My brothers and sisters, if we're all connected,
surely it means we should try our best to understand one another,
to make life easy for those on earth who are our family members anyway.
Yes, we may not be on the same level
of religion, perhaps, or we may not agree on our opinions or likes or dislikes.
Isn't that all part of the plan
of Allah Almighty and part of the test that we have?
I'm not saying we should compromise on the truth, ever.
But what I am saying is,
let's learn to forgive each other and let's learn to reconcile.
When we forgive each other,
we would actually have to start off by letting go of petties.
Get used to not holding too much.
People have done things here and there.
Leave it be.
Let it go.
The minute we hold on to too much,
my brothers and sisters, what happens is it affects us,
it affects our health, our mind, it clouds relationships.
We tend to keep a distance from people who are relatively close to us.
Sometimes they mean well.
It's just that they have a different
mentality, maybe a different upbringing, maybe slightly different in their cultural
norms based on the fact that they might have lived separately from you.
Don't we have differences with our own
spouses, with our own parents, brothers and sisters?
Sometimes it becomes a little bit ugly.
Little bit ugly meaning things that have gone wrong are quite big.
They are quite major.
We have seen that people have staggered us.
Sometimes we feel that someone was back biting, gossiping, slandering about us.
The first point is, minor matters,
like I said, don't hold them in your heart at all.
You will be a much better person.
You will be able to concentrate in your acts of worship.
You feel good in your relationship between you and Allah Almighty.
And in actual fact, you grow in a beautiful way.
Your health improves because a lot
of the times when we hold things and we have anger, temper,
or we've really held grudges or something against someone, it really affects our sleep,
our eating, and from that it affects everything else one by one.
But when we've let go,
we lead a life filled with goodness, contentment, calmness.
Now, as matters become worse, if they are,
let's learn to address them, speak about them.
It's not easy.
Talk about it.
And if someone has spoken to you about
a problem they have with you, don't snap at them.
Listen to what they have to say.
You might be shocked or surprised
as to how they look at how you speak to them or what you have done,
yet you might have considered yourself totally innocent in that.
So it's interesting to listen to people,
lend them an ear, and then clarify with them, You know what?
If you were wrong, then maybe we can talk
about it and we can apologize to each other.
But it doesn't mean I must wait
for that person's apology in order for me to apologize when I know I'm wrong.
Subhanallah. I can apologize and it's fine.
I have a personal habit that I'd say sorry if that person thinks I'm wrong.
I'd still say sorry even if I think I am not wrong.
Because if that's going to solve the problem, it's okay.
For as long as they thought I was wrong, well, I apologize.
Subhanallah.
Again, I'm not talking about compromising
the truth because people nowadays misunderstand what we say.
I'm talking about reconciliation and forgiving people.
My brothers and sisters,
then if the matter is such that we have spoken to each other, I heard,
I was surprised, or I was not surprised, and I spoke, I tried to explain.
Remember, not every time is an explanation necessary.
This is something I learned over the years.
Sometimes a simple I'm sorry would solve the problem.
But if you were to go to explanations, it becomes a competition between two
parties where you are trying to prove who's right and they are trying to prove
who's right and wrong, and we never win, matters become worse.
But rather, if this is going to solve the problem, so be it, and praise to God.
Now, if, for example,
it doesn't work that way and it becomes a little bit ugly, it becomes even worse,
or the matter was something that I tried to address, but people didn't want to
allow me to address it, then we have an issue.
Again, let go of it.
You're encouraged to let go.
The Quran speaks about people who wronged us,
that we're allowed to hold it, to take them to task.
We're allowed to actually
do back to them what they did to us in terms of equaling the scores.
But every time Allah says it is better to forgive, Allah says, Will you not forgive?
It is better to let go for you,
for your worldy life and for your future and for you.
Hereafter, the Hadith makes mention about someone who's forgiving.
Allah will forgive them too for their own sins between them and Allah.
That doesn't mean you must forgive them,
but you pay a price regarding the choice that you've made.
So if you're not going to forgive, it's okay.
But the price you're going to pay
for that is you may be miserable a lot of the times.
You may allow that problem that was solvable at one stage to seep
into the next generations where it will become worse.
Cousins don't speak to one another
and they really think bad about one another simply because the older people
had a problem they could have solved, but they didn't.
So it goes into the cousins and the next generation of children,
grandchildren and so on, and they hate each other and you start
making big groups of people within our own families.
That is something we must speak about in this beautiful month of Ramadan.
Don't allow that to happen.
You are responsible.
You owe your children,
your grandchildren and the other generations that are going to come
that you tried your best to resolve the matters.
You owe it to them because they need to intermarry at some point.
They need to get together at some point.
They need to stand up for one another at some point.
The world is a place where people are teaching us to become alone.
I must be on my own.
I must stay away from everyone else, not realizing that those who have done
that for the last so many decades are coming the other way around.
They're saying, We miss family.
We have no one to care for us.
We have no one to look out for us, no one to question us.
We need to strike a balance.
We don't want to be so into everyone that we begin to interfere in their lives.
We don't want to be so distant in a way
that we don't even have this relationship at all.
But rather, keep a balance.
We visit sometimes, we know not to overstep the welcome.
And at the same time, we maintain good relationships.
We don't want to keep such a distance that they don't know who we are,
and we don't want to be in their lives such that they get irritated of us.
But rather, a balance in the middle.
So to reconcile and to make amends is something amazing.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, taught this to us.
And Allah Almighty mentions it, like I said, many times in the Quran.
One of them is an interesting story where
Abu Baker Al Siddique, may Allah be pleased with him,
his daughter, who is the mother of the believers, Aisha,
may Allah be pleased with her, the wife of the Prophet Muhammad,
peace be upon him, was accused by some people of immorality.
And one of them was a relative of Abu Baker Al Siddique,
may Allah be pleased with him, may Allahu Anhu, whom he used to spend on
and he used to look after and take care of.
And so Abu Baker as Siddique (ra),
swore an oath that he's not going to spend on this man.
And Allah revealed verses that those with virtue
and those who've been blessed by Allah and those who have in terms of sustence,
they shouldn't be making such promises.
Give and make amends and don't stop being kind to them,
even though they did something bad to you.
Because Allah says,
In our terms, I would say, forgive and reconcile.
Would you not like Allah to forgive you?
From this, what we learn is there are two things.
One is to forgive someone.
I've forgiven them.
They may know you forgive them.
They may not know you forgive them, but it would be good if they knew,
especially if they know what they did was wrong.
But secondly, is the reconciliation is a little bit more difficult.
They say forgive and forget.
That's not an Islamic statement.
Forgive, but I won't forget because I don't want to be bitten from the same hole twice.
The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, tells us, A true believer is very careful.
He doesn't be bitten from the same source more than once.
I was bitten once, I know, I've forgiven, I let go, but this might happen again.
So I need to put into place a mechanism that will ensure that it doesn't.
That's amazing. So forgive and forget.
If it's something petty, it's easy, maybe.
But we believe, forgive, don't forget.
I don't need to forget.
It doesn't mean that I dislike you or something.
I'm just careful.
Secondly, the reconciliation can only be
possible when there is genuineness on the other part.
So therefore, there is a lot of work required.
I need to work very hard on this relationship.
Over time, I'll prove myself again.
Imagine husband and wife, something went wrong.
There was a little bit of infidelity or whatever it may be, to a certain degree.
If you want to mend that,
there's going to be a lot of very hard work over a long period of time to come
back to where you were, or maybe even better.
But if you're not prepared to work hard,
the reconciliation is going to be more difficult than the forgiveness.
So may Allah Almighty help us.
Similarly, if you find that these people
seem like they may not be that genuine, you might want to think to yourself,
I've forgiven them, but I don't want to interact that much with them anymore.
That's also fine.
But again, as a last resort, may Allah Almighty help us all and grant
us ease, I call on you this evening to forgive and reconcile.