It's okay baby, it's okay. Calm down. Calm down baby. There you go. There you go. Good, baby
Good
Good baby
shh
Don't worry Shhhh
*Spoopy Noise*
No! No baby! BABY NO!
*Jack bashing the baby's head on a table*
BABY NO! Auah *Throws baby*
*Jack covers neck in Baby pain* *Also Panting*
The baby was probably upset because it didn't get tickets to the Jacksepticeye
How did we get your live show tour
But fear not you as well as the baby can get your tickets at jacksepticeyetour.com
*ding* Click on the link in the description and it will take you to a website full of
Dates, places, even nifty little links that you can click on to get your tickets now!
But you better act fast because tickets are going very very quickly!
We've even added some extra dates to Canada and Indianapolis because they sold out so fast
Alexa!
Jacksepticeye how did we get here tour.
Alexa: Hmm I'm not sure.
So remember click on the link in the description to go to jacksepticeyetour.com to get you our tickets today
WHOA!
You ladies, my name is jacksepticeye and welcome to MOTHERSIMULATOR now I know shocker
I am NOT a mother. I never have been
And I probably never will be, but this game
Will be able to simulate for me what it would be like to be a mother. You can see it already
There's bottles on the floor. There's
Shhhhit all over the walls! This is exactly what I am expecting out of parentage.
so
This is an early access game which apparently is like a TV show and we're supposed to show that we are the best mother ever
By doing different challenges. So step 1 meet the baby.
Oh Don't worry, baby. Oh Jesus
Open your first test the mother simulator show during each test. You can see brochures in the walls. These are instructions
I know how to mom
Ok
Let's get it going. Ok. Hello baby. I will eat you, baby
Alright, what do we need to do? Put the- Right put we call these Dodie's.
Put the Dodie in the mouth...right. So I have to find it. I'm guessing. Oh, who's a pwetty baby? Oh God!!
Holy cra- I didn't know I could pick you up that was terrifying
Alright moves. Oh, it's not clean though
I need to clean it
Clean.... clean clean clean!!!!!!!!!
*long gasp* ...Perfect!
Super clean, my baby's not gonna get diphtheria after all
Here you go, baby. Oh the baby like it
I'm a great mom. What can I say once we do it this time though?
Showtime mama
Okay, here we go. Turn it on. Turn it on. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice
Boom!!!, boom!! There you go, baby. Oh
Whoa, somebody stop me!!
Next reward is in two minute, whatever. Let's go on to the next challenge gifts from the baby oh no......
It seems your robot kid made P that's a robot?
It looks so lifelike are water proof ultra absorbent fireproof nappy by brand mother simulator. Hey, I like that you called them nappies
This shows that it's not an american-made game. So that was a Dodi
Put the Dodi in the mouth with a pacifier or the soother as some people over here to call them as well
We call them nappies. We don't call them diapers. All right
All right, here we go. Oh God- *gags*
It's okay be strong for baby! Be strong for the baby!
What is this a baby genie Oh God!!, where do we put the bad one?
Ohhhhhh!
Push it down the toilet. I don't know. I don't know. All I know is they can put on a fresh one
Minus ten?!
What?!?!
But you're clean!! I guess I didn't wipe you down. Ooohhhhh
I got to pick up the baby. Come on, baby. Oh
It's a fucked up looking baby. Oh god, sorry. Sorry, my bad
Hop up. There we go. There we go. There we go. Oh
God I killed my baby, huh? It's on the floor now. I don't care
Put the baby down... talc talc talc talc talc talc talc. Boom. DONE!
Hey!!
Calm down you robot. Alright dinner is served
Thankfully, I've been using this breast pump for a couple of hours. I'm pretty sure I've got a few milky dudes going on right now
Alright Oh Mother of God
Oh
Shit all over this?!? and why did they shit all over it? Oh, no. It's on the ground
That's bad
Okay, here we go
Here we go. I'm also going to give you this
Their baby liked a cleaner. Okay. Here you go
Extra points. Okay now put that down pick up you... NO!!!!!!
I mean, I didn't start again. We talked about shit up!! Alright, here we go
Do this turn it on first, okay
Nice nice turn on this
That's how we turn things on okay, that's full
Put you down nice and handy right there. There we go. Clean clean clean clean clean clean clean
*blows raspberry*
There we go!
Oh wait, did I? *laughs*
I just gave the baby scalding hot water! I need to get him baby formula! Ah shit!!
Okay, come down baby and out. It's fine. Mama's coming
*blows raspberry* Put you down right there, okay. How do I- how do I make-
You want- Baby! Baby, you want cocaine?!
Cocaine for the baby. There we go. Oh god. I'm my baby's dying, but you might be dying
But at least you won't feel any of it. There you go, baby. Okay. There we go
Formulaic!!
Nice, this should be it right? Baby done? Baby nom noms??
No, baby fucking hates it what are you want from me? I'm gonna do it baby. Okay step one:
Bottle, all right
Step two:
...that. Step three: fill and step four. Okay
Okay, I got this
This is no problemo. Nah, shit balls. Nooooo! Curse my fucking giant hands
Can you stay in the sink? There we go. Alright this worked . It's just not that
Worked that worked. It had to have worked!! Okay bloop
bloop
Baby, you better enjoy this!!
*baby laugh*
Stop throwing shit around!
*mockingly* Baby gets what it wants cuz it doesn't have its own brain. Why don't you go up and get real job Oh,
Daddy I mean mom of the year, no, you also need to eat in the upper left corner of the screen
You can see the scale of hunger. Ah
Life of a mother is very very difficult. Where's your stuff? All filthy? Oh
I'm starving. Oh
So we got to keep the baby happy and they also got to keep my belly happy, that's no problem at all
There you go, baby. Shut up, baby
All right, I gotta eat I gotta eat what what am I eating? Oh,
Sweet cherry pie from mama June's
This is a very bad diet for a mom, but you know what we're going to roll with what's maybe one baby was battle. I
Think I knocked down the bathroom somewhere. Where was the bottle?
This music is far too cheery for the struggles of parentage
Okay
This is very very difficult. My child hates me and I don't know why
hoot
I'm gonna assume that this powdered sugar went into that
Do not knock that down
Okay, here you go, baby. Did you eat the dough d?
Did you eat the soother? Oh
God baby I'm serving again. Okay, you want that again? Where did you put it? Oh
God this is like in school hunt they give you the egg and they're like hey take care of this
This is your child now. Oh
Yes fill up on cherries
Cherries that's all I like to eat Oh
Big delicious bread. Where's the pacifier gone?
Okay empty boxes
This is the saddest fucking house. Everything. Everything is filthy. I live alone
My other parent left I
Don't know where your shit is. Okay, can you just go to sleep?
Sweet dreams and good night dad. No!! Oh, there's another one. Ah, silly me
Okay, here we go. Here we go, baby. I'm starving just as much as you were. It's now go sleep
go sleep?? Okay. He spit it back out again stupid baby. Oh
Sweet delicious carbs... Okay, I gotta clean Ian. I gotta clean *gags*
I'm dying, baby, baby. I'm dying
Okay, there we go, oh
Thank god, I thought I was gonna die from hunger and that my child was gonna be orphaned how we're playing basketball
Jordan! damn it! Okay, how many points getting in but nah crap! Kobe Jordan poops!
( jack make a drum like noise)
Dang it! I call this one the spring cleaner!
Under the gumdrop Mountain
Fuck! Mama's sweet pancakes
Just fucking throw shit!
I Suck all right, here we go round two!
You got to be the baskets be the baskets I'm just gonna keep doing this
This is amazing baby, are you watching this?
We're not even gonna need your dad anymore
Cuz I've got skills to pay bills. I
Wish I had money though
Skills only pay cool bills. We still need money for the food and the heating
Baby, can you like wake up and get a job?
That'll be really helpful to mama
Mama's very sad
crap!
Haha, it's all done baby. They got a silk silver
Much I'm worth much more than a silver I will have you know that I am a catch baby
Hope you're underdeveloped eyes are ready because you're about to see something real fucking special
Wow you see that, baby
Momma's got some skills up her ass
She also got a pen
You know just in case she needs in case she goes to prison put it in my wallet my prison wallet
Come on!!
So I went in off the rim. Yeah
nice!!!!
Sickest mama. Oh
Don't let it fool you, baby
I know the outside world looks all nice like a painting but this is just a simulation after all, you know
Wow
Oh, I'm a natural!
Some people say it's fake some people let's say, it's Maybelline, you know what it is baby pure raw skill and talent a
little bit of animal magnetism
Wow do that baby they cheer for your mama
Your mama's loved by all
Except your father. Oh
This is it Oh
Bow down to your diaper genie
You were poisoned and now you need to visit the toilet
Man life life really fucking hits you hard, isn't it?
Okay, baby. No my mama
Mama's gonna go to the bathroom. Mom made some mean burritos
Where's the toilet? Everything's a toilet if you're brave enough?
ewww OH GO WHY DID I Look at it I
Do not remember eating shit. Okay out the window
The crap it's all over my face
Fuck okay pep pep pep
Baby mamas food poisoned. I know I don't look like your mama right now
It looked like a demon that has been possessed by the ghost of Christmas shit but.
But being the operative word Oh baby, I gotta go!
like the lawyer in Jurassic Park
You gotta go. You gotta go
I'm a you look and smell like shit and I've shit all over my face and also be named shit
But I'm still your mama I could still love you. Love is a four-letter word
Are we done do I need to take shits again? Oh
God your fucking bottle. Oh
That's how I feel this is the soundtrack to my insides right now
Hey stay right there stay right there Oh God, baby. I promise. I'm not puttin any of this into your bottle. Oh
Wait wish it wasn't in me. I'm running out of time. Okay!
I'm out of time. Okay, I got 20 seconds more baby. This is it
Mama's got you. Fuck!! this is how I go into the bathroom
Ways are a crowd of people in my house like
Being sad no. No, no, no
There's a crowd of people in my house booing me for shitting in my own toilet
You know what? I didn't choose the food poisoning life. All right. What do you want?
You want this one or you want a bottle this one? Okay. Got it, baby. I
Got it, baby. Just hold on you, baby
Mama's coming mama has to squeeze your legs together a bit more this time Oh
God Taco Bell two scoops of cocaine for the baby. That'll help it sleep
So my dad used to do to me and I turned out fine
All right, here we go blue and blue and here comes Hello Kitty mama
There you go, baby. You're all safe baby. Are you happy now? Can I stop?
Mama's ass feels like a SpaceX launch baby. Okay, you want more you want more apparently, okay
oh god, I'm losing time baby, but it's okay time that
I'll head back. It'd give you a break. Give my ass a break, okay?
Shit, we're running out of time, baby!!
What are you - what are you doing get rid of that talc talc for the baby talc for the baby
Okay, you're good. You're good. You're solid how did you shit your ass already the second time Oh
God
Never again, they've only had a baby for 20 minutes and I already struggle at life. I'm already exhausted
Simulating what it's like to have a baby. I can't imagine what it's like to have a real one
Sitting there. It's just a lump
It doesn't pay rent. It doesn't do anything
You can't solve equations or I could do it shit its own ass and then cry about it, but you know what?
That's the miracle of life
Beautiful, but thank you guys so much for watching this episode. If you liked it punch that like button in the face!!!!
LIKE A BOSS!!
and high fives all around
THANK YOU GUYS
SEE ALL YOU DUDES
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!!!
(outro - "I'm everywhere" by Technoaxe)
This is just turned into a horror game later on where the baby tries to eat you