Fact about me, as a child I was so shy I didn't answer the telephone until I was like 12 years
old and the first time I did, I answered it, 'Hello', and then I froze. I completely froze
and the person got so mad on the other line and just started saying, 'Hello? Hello?! Who
is this? Hello?' And then I just hung up the phone.
Here's the question. 'Do you think you could do a video on shyness and social anxiety?' Well
yes, because you're watching it. This is actually something that psychologists and scientists
are still trying to puzzle out in terms of where shyness ends and social phobia begins.
When it comes to social phobia or social anxiety, around 15% of people would probably meet the
qualifications for that. Unlike just general shyness, social phobia or social anxiety as
it's better known is something that is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of
Psychiatric Disorders, it is a recognized clinical condition. I also wanted to talk
about this, side note for a moment, because of a comment trend that I noticed watching
video, youtuber videos talking about their own social anxiety, terming it social anxiety
for people like Zoella and Beauty Crush, there's a lot of contention that quickly crops up
in comments about oh well, what they're dealing with is nothing compared to what I'm dealing
with and they just need to shut up because they're just minimizing the problems that
I'm experiencing and a lot of like negativity. Almost social anxiety one-up manship that
I would encourage to not engage in. People who are doing that want their experiences
validated and I will say right now your experiences and your emotions surrounding social interaction
and avoidance thereof are absolutely valid, picking a fight in a comment section is simply
not worth anyone's time. When it comes to this interaction of shyness and social anxiety,
a lot of the research that I read suggested that we think of it more on a spectrum. I
have come to realize that while I often reference my own social anxiety just kind of as a general
term, I don't think I could fit the qualifications for social phobia. I am very shy, I also deal
with generalized anxiety and the two meet. If I am going to hang out with someone who
might just be at an acquaintance level, I'm not super-duper comfortable with you, I will
be practicing talking points in my head possibly days before hand, I will get really nervous,
I will experience a flush when I start to talk to you. The big difference when it comes
to shyness and social phobia is more of how it impacts you behaviorally. Based on the
studies and articles that I read about the science of shyness and social phobia there
were five big differences between the two that jumped out to me. First one being that
people who have social phobias, social anxiety usually report more social fears. Common things
like public speaking or being in classroom situations, going to parties where you have
to make small talk. Secondly, while people who are just shy and people who are socially
anxious might have a lot of pre-socializing symptoms, a lot of that anxiety, there might
be physical symptoms, you might get an upset stomach, avoidance is a big difference because
shy people more often than not will still go through with whatever kind of situation
they are dreading. People who have social anxiety are likelier to avoid those situations
at all costs. The third big difference is reported quality of life, so people who describe
themselves as shy tend to report having a better quality of life than people who are
socially anxious or experience social phobia. Fourth, there is a heterogeneity of shyness.
Shyness can describe so many more people in a way than social phobia. We use shyness to
describe everything from mislabeling what is simply introversion and a lot of people
who are introverted aren't actually shy to people who have debilitating social phobias.
And the fifth big difference comes down to actually performing in social situations.
A lot of times people who are shy might be really nervous but when it comes down to it
our small talk might be a little bit awkward and stilted but it usually is okay. People
who are socially anxious usually don't perform as well. There are more physical symptoms
that go along with that shyness. This is a real true psychological condition and something
that requires therapy sometimes and sometimes even medication to help our brains and our
mouths connect. And another big thing that jumped out to me in reading about shyness
and social anxiety is that we're still learning so much more about these two things and how
they interact and what they really are and where they come from. We still have a lot
to learn not only in terms of how nature and nurture interact to produce social anxiety
but also how to overcome those kinds of things. Personally one thing that I'm trying to do
more of in my life, is make myself uncomfortable in the sense of putting myself in social situations
that I kind of dread, it's really really really good practice if you are someone who is shy.
I also recognize that there are socially anxious people out there to where the advice of like,
buck up and just get on out of the house, that's not going to happen. Understanding
how it works and the research that's out there and what scientists know and don't know can
be helpful for understanding when those symptoms trigger what is going on biologically, physiologically,
psychologically to make you feel all of those, all of those feels. Now I need your help.
I want to know what your experiences with shyness, social anxiety, all those different
things, what you think about the differentiation between these terms? What do you do to manage
these kinds of things in your life? How do you maintain a high quality of life and also
deal with social anxiety or shyness? Let me know in the comments below and hey ask me
some questions. I need y'all's questions so I can answer them. Thanks to everybody who
watched and commented on last week's Ask Cristen video 'Teetotalers Just Want to Have Fun'.
Kimberly Allen said, 'As a non-drinker, when I attend parties I hang around until it gets
boring. So basically when people are stumbling all over the place. Unless I'm sober-driving,
in which case I try to find the cat or dog and hang and play with them.' Miranda Pyles
offered this tip. 'Volunteering to be the designated driver in my experience helps a
lot to prevent social alienation at parties. People then generally praise and respect you
for making sure your friends got home safely at the end of the night.' Thanks everybody.
Mmhaww, kisses. Uhhh, kisses. Who are you?