Uwe Boll is a German film director — an infamous one
He's responsible for such hits as "Alone in the Dark", and other video game adaptations
like the "Far Cry" movie and "House of the Dead" which I've made a video on before.
He's a provocative figure. In fact, in 2006 he challenged critics of his movies to a boxing match.
And he kicked their asses.
[Uwe] If you come up here and
you fight me, then I will kick the shit out of you.
(unintelligible)
[Dude] Most of his movies suck.
It's safe to say he's a character and he's fascinating to read about and just listen to because he's kind of a nutter.
[Uwe] Super Girl movie bullshit
and "Wonder Woman" was completely crap.
When I saw on my Reddit someone was sharing one of his reviews on Letterboxd, an app kind of like IMDb,
where you can sign up and review movies,
but follow each other and talk about them and rate them —
and it turns Uwe Boll has his own Letterboxd and honestly,
it's a gold mine. It's hilarious.
It's the funniest thing I've read in a while.
So I thought it might be a fun idea to go through some of his reviews and see what kind of takes he has on
classic movies and big blockbusters — just anything really.
Oh dear, he follows me as well.
I'm pretty certain this is actually him as well.
He's got his YouTube linked and his official Twitter, which has been suspended,
but all the signs point to it really being him.
Oh, and by the way, before I start reading them: if you're easily offended and don't like rude words,
I'd recommend closing the video because he does not filter what he thinks whatsoever.
[Alex, psychedelically] Uwe Boll and his crazy Letterboxd reviews
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
Okay, let's start with "Amélie" in 2001.
*Alex reading review aloud*
He's such a...
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
"The Brown Bunny" — 2003.
*Alex reading review aloud*
[Uwe] "Bullshit"
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
"Casual Sex?"
*Alex reading review aloud*
"Young Adult"
*Alex reading review aloud*
What is he talking about?
"...she sucks!"
It's funny how he got so annoyed by the critics slamming his movie,
but if you look at how many reviews he's done,
they're heavily weighted to either being half a star or five stars.
It's just as extreme.
This one's pretty good.
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
"What the fuck?"
Half a star.
[Uwe] "-shit"
Some of his best reviews are of comic book movies, like for example
his review of "Shazam"
*Alex reading review aloud*
He really hates comic book movies. Despite the fact he's made countless video game movies.
Yeah, look at this one for "Captain Marvel"
*Alex reading review aloud*
He actually types these reviews like an internet troll.
He's an actual troll
[Uwe] Stupid movies.
Ah, the cinematic masterpiece "Gotti" — he gave it three stars and just put:
"Travolta"
One quirk of his is that he rates all of his own movies five stars.
Like this one of "Far Cry"
*Alex reading review aloud*
Here's another one of his, "Rampage: President Down" — it's part of a trilogy of movies, I believe.
*Alex reading review aloud*
You genuinely might be thinking this is a troll or something,
but he is a memer.
His most viewed video on his YouTube channel is just titled
"fuck you all" and it's just 1 minute and 20 seconds of him insulting his audience for not backing one o f his Kick Starters enough.
[Uwe, smugly] Basically my message is: fuck yourself.
And if you're after more evidence,
there's this hilarious video where he's talking about why "Black Panther" is trash,
and the way he describes why he doesn't like the movie is exactly like these Letterboxd reviews.
[Uwe] I said (unintelligible)
for me "Black Panther" is the same shit like "Avengers," "The Hulk," "The Fantastic Four,"
there's no quality difference in "Black Panther" moving all the bullshit
It was the same when "Wonder Woman" came because it was a girl.
Oh my god, that made it like a liberation, kind of emancipation movie
but it's another stupid...
it's like a sexy bitch in a bikini to...
...
...to get everybody
...
...horny or whatever in the super...super girl movie bullSHIT, and "Wonder Woman" was completely crap
and so, ah, "Black Panther" and all the stupid movies.
Oh, the recent "Dumbo" movie:
*Alex reading review aloud*
In a weird way with some of them, he's right. Fuck that movie.
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
"Venom"
*Alex reading review aloud*
Half a star.
That is the best review of "Venom" I've ever seen.
If you wanted any more proof of how much of a memer he is, the recent film "Alita: Battle Angel" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
So he's just quoting, of course, the film classic "Madagascar 2,"
which I believe you can get at Criterion if you search hard enough.
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
He's actually arguing with people in the comments.
Here we go. "Rampage" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
He's upset that they've took the title — I don't think he knows that this is based on a video game either, the irony.
"Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
Oh, come on — this can't be real. He's actually telling people that he fucked their mum.
"Under the Skin" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
That is not a spoiler. That is a great movie.
Such a bizarre take on that film.
[Uwe] "Bullshit"
"Batman & Robin" — three and a half stars.
*Alex reading review aloud*
He just revels in the fact that he pisses people off in the comments.
He's like blocking people and arguing with them.
"you can talk shit about me everyday, but I'm still rich at the end of the day :)
everybody wants to be like Uwe buss down big chains and dress fancy"
This is what happens when someone is so rich and they just don't give a single fuck about what anyone else thinks.
It's glorious to read
[Uwe] "Bullsh-"
"Den of Thieves"
*Alex reading review aloud*
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
So, Gerard Butler won't say yes to be in an Uwe Boll movie,
but Ray Liotta will? He's worked with some surprising actors —
Jason Statham as well.
I guess when you're dealing with the budgets that he
somehow manages to wrangle, you're able to just get big stars because they come for the money.
Unless it's Gerard Butler, of course.
[Uwe] "Bull-"
"Spy" — half a star,
and then he's just telling the director to fuck off.
[Uwe] "-shit"
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
No!
"Rampage: Capital Punishment" — that's another one of his movies. He's rated it five stars.
*Alex reading review aloud*
What? Michael Bay tried to sue him? I don't even know that story.
[Lady host] Now, Uwe, if this were Michael Bay, and who says it's not, what would you do to him?
[Male host] Yeah, let's say.
[Uwe] Hello Michael- no, I would like- *punch*
"The Dark Knight" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
"The Lion King" — one star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
That's basically copying ralphthemoviemaker's review.
When did he do this — the 26th of April?
Yeah, just a few days ago Ralph did the same thing and said the exact same joke. Wonder if he follows him.
[Uwe] "Fuck-"
It's the Marvel movies that really tickle me.
"Avengers: Infinity War" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
He really hates them, and of course "Avengers: Endgame" — also half a star.
[Alex and Uwe] "Marvel Avengers Bullshit Dirt"
*Alex reading review aloud*
[Uwe] "Like (unintellible) movie and all the bullshit-"
"Ruby Sparks" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
What is he on? Or is he just on the "I'm so rich I just don't give a fuck about anything"?
[Uwe] I have enough go-uh-oh- money to play golf 'til I'm dead.
*Alex reading review aloud*
It sounds like he just wants porn. Why didn't you just watch porn? There's so much of it.
It's not exactly hard to find tits on the Internet, is it?
[Uwe] Sexy bitch in a bikini
Maybe he actually likes "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" — five stars.
"Perfect."
That's the bar, then I guess for him — is "Terminator 2." Kind of makes sense. Got lots of action and explosions,
it's very macho and all that.
"Raiders of the Lost Ark" — half a star.
That's surprising. That's the kind of thing. thought he'd like.
*Alex reading review aloud*
Yeah, this commenter Phillips says: "It seems like this channel is a troll channel.
He hates everything mainstream, and gives ok/good rating to crap like 'Super Mario Brothers.' I think he's salty."
Sometimes it does come across like that.
[Uwe, slowed down] "Bull-"
"Long Shot" — half a star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
Why does he even care anymore? I thought he retired.
[Uwe] So goodbye, and goodbye Hollywood.
"Pokémon Detective Pikachu"
*Alex reading review aloud*
I mean...
[Uwe, sped up] "Bullshit"
There it is, "Super Mario Bros" — three stars
*Alex reading review aloud*
Oh, in the comments section of the "Super Mario Bros" review he says why he got banned from Twitter.
"I called someone start with f and end with g and they banned me."
Ah, used the F word.
That'll do it — that'll get you banned off Twitter.
And a lot of the comment sections are dedicated to him proving that it really is him.
He constantly links his website, and I do believe it because I mean his whole image now is based upon this "Raw" thing.
There's even a section that just says "FUCK YOURSELF" — like on the website, and when you press it
it's just like all the controversial articles about him that he seems to revel in.
[Uwe, glitching] "-sh-sh-sh-shit"
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
"Aquaman" — one star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
Not even a bad assessment, really.
"Tolkien"
*Alex reading review aloud*
He is just so immature.
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
Let's end on this one of "The Dark Knight Rises" — which he gave a half star.
*Alex reading review aloud*
God dammit.
I mean that's going through most of his reviews right there. I gotta say: if you have an account, give him a follow.
It's always nice to see filmmakers' opinions, and at the very least it is extremely funny.
*Alex laughing at Uwe Boll*
Ah, I can't deal with it. Thanks for watching