'I am the last of the house of Frankenstein, but how much time do you think i have left?'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘How could you inflict these people on me, Gottfried?’
It’s amazing that it took until 1970 for someone to cast Boris Karloff as Dr Frankenstein.
‘He created a living man’
and still more amazing that they pretty much waste the opportunity.
‘Imagine the irony of it, Gottfried’
We open with a classic horror trope,
he really should be able to outrun him and yet I sense...
You’ve only got yourself to blame.
But…
‘OK. Cut!’
They’re just shooting an insanely long take for a movie.
‘Nearly drowned to celebrate the 230th anniversary of Frankenstein’
230th? That’s the big one.
‘And for this we’ve got to travel 3000 miles to his ancestor’s castle in Germany’
I think I’ve established the situation pretty well there.
A film crew making a drama/documentary about the original Frankenstein is based in the castle of his ancestor.
‘In this stone sarcophagus, deep in the bowels of the earth he buried his creature.’
He doesn’t want them there, but…
‘Anything just so you can get this atomic reactor you need so badly’
You’d think that someone would question why he wants one.
He’s dug up the original monster – which is cheaper than making your own –
and has set about restoring it.
‘As a result of stripping skin off the skull, keeping clean and keeping at the required temperature.’
It’s like the Repair Shop.
Just hammer the skull back together.
Problem number one with this film is that while Karloff is giving it maximum gothic,
'He killed and killed and killed again.'
Not all the performers are as convincing.
‘You have brought the thing back’
Fortunately Schuter here doesn’t last long as he is used as raw material for the new monster, but…
Still Frankenstein goes ahead with experiment.
‘I am now starting up the Atomic steam generator’
You’re going to want to be careful using nuclear elements.
‘All radiation off’
Boy, if only they’d thought of that at Chernobyl, just turn the radiation off.
Let’s quickly check that with Dark Corners Science advisor and his assistant.
Dad, can you just turn radiation off?
No.
Little worried about what they’re doing but I’m sure it's fine.
Anyway, Frankenstein’s experiment works.
‘Raise your left arm… now your right arm.’
Now do the hokey cokey and turn around.
Of course he’s still without eyes, and arguably the Dr should have waited but what the hell.
Now, if you focus on this part of the plot, this is incredibly slow but not so bad,
unfortunately the movie does keep cutting away to the thinly drawn characters of the film crew and their tedious romantic intrigues.
‘Oh yes, you’re loyal. To wives one through four inclusive’
Played by Charlotte Austin of the Bride and the Beast – please subscribe to check out our review – Judy is a strong female character for the 1950s.
'Oh Judy, let me stay.'
Across the hall, your room.’
So she’s bound to be taught a lesson.
Where did he spring from?
‘You fool Schuter! I sent you for Row.’
I’m blind! I think it’s impressive I made it up the stairs!
‘Now you have no eyes, this poor girl is dead’
I’m not giving you girls’ eyes, they’ll be constantly looking at shoes.
So the monster remains blind but Frankenstein makes no effort to stop it wandering around.
Are you Row? I’m looking for Row.
Leading to some thrilling confrontations.
Unfortunately the cameraman’s eyes won’t do either.
I’ll just flush these.
Wow I was kidding.
Three people have now vanished and Frankenstein’s friend Gottfried is getting suspicious.
‘Are you implying that I have done something to harm them’
So Frankenstein invites him down to the lab.
‘I have a stout heart’
Really? Well I can always use that…
No one ever thinks to run.
So the monster gets eyes, although I can’t say blindness slowed it down much – it’s really been very empowering.
Now Frankenstein sends the creature to fetch heroine, Carolyn.
I have no idea why. His experiment is finished.
He likes her but this doesn’t seem the ideal start to a courtship.
'Alright, bring her down here.'
Unfortunately, Schuter too liked Carolyn and so turns on his master,
and monster and creator are engulfed in radioactive steam.
Well that will render this basement unenterable for centuries.
‘It’s alright to enter mein Herr’
Umm… Dad?
NOOO.
This was released the year after Hammer’s genre redefining The Curse of Frankenstein,
and elements of the plot are similar,
but that doesn’t have a film crew in the middle of it serving no purpose but to pad things out.
‘You know, to me that is strictly dialogue’
To me, it’s barely dialogue.
Karloff deserved better.
'they need them for unholy operations they forced me to perform for them.'
Thanks for watching. For more Frankenstein movie reviews click here.
Sort of glad this film exists because otherwise Karloff would never have played the role,
what other actors get the role they are destined to play in inadequate films?
Let us know in the comments below.
'Well wrap it up, tomorrow is another day.'