There you are.
Lincoln, check out those columns.
Do you think they're real marble?
Probably. This place is so much bigger than our school.
Good thing they gave us maps.
Huh?
Guys, guys, guys, ditch the maps.
First rule of survival: Don't act like a total noob.
But, we are noobs.
[giggles] When some upper classman realizes that,
you'll be a prime target for pranks!
Like the kid who asked an eighth grader
for directions on the first day of school.
The poor fool got sent on a wild goose chase
down in the tunnels under the school,
and didn't make it out until the whole day was over.
[gasping] Don't... be... noobs.
You get to sit by Hank, our beloved class pet.
[yelping]
Hmm.
Excuse me, Mr. Bolhofner, I'm not feeling well.
[coughing]
If you're not bleeding then you'll survive
until the end of the day.
[growling]
[groaning]
Ow! Mr. Bolhofner, Hank just bit me!
Can I go to the nurse now?
[groaning]
Fine, but give Hank his tooth back.
[grunting]
Fairway University boasts the tradition
of academic excellence
and a golf program as old as our great nation.
At Fairway, we live and breathe golf 24/7.
And the cubed root of 64 is...
Four!
[gasping]
[sighing] Doesn't it look amazing?
You know what the best part is?
It's only a few miles outside the city,
so I'll be close to Bobby.
Well, this calls for a celebration.
I'll make a cake- no, wait. Par-faits.
[chuckles] Get it?
Next is Bio. Suit up.
Cool! I've always wanted to wear a lab coat.
Welcome, fifth graders.
We're continuing our work with live mealworms today,
so everyone grab a case from the back of the class.
[grunting]
[screaming]
Sorry, guys! That was my fault.
I was up late making...
[hollering]
Lynn, what the heck?
Rule number three:
Never own up to making a mistake.
But I spilled the worms.
So? Do you want to be like the sixth grader who-
hang on, Clyde needs to hear this, too.
[whimpering]
Do you want to be like the sixth-grader
who owned up to farting during a standardized test?
Hey, look, it's Farty McStink Pants!
Now, who's ready for some magic?
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lincoln the Magnificent.
And these guys in the shiny pants are
my volunteers.
Their methods may be questionable,
but they're always looking out for me.
Chef Pat, kick it.
[groaning]
[laughing]
What?
[gasping]
[chuckles]
Ta-da!
Way to go, Lincoln!
You did it!
[cheering]
Okay, class, time to present your robotics projects.
Lisa, it's okay if you want to sit this out.
Give me a moment.
Say hello to Todd.
He's fluent in over 600 languages.
Hola. Bonjour. Guten tag. Goodbye.
Oh, and he destroys anything inferior to him.
[groaning]
[clearing throat]
As long as we're together, we'll be fine.
♪ This is it, middle school ♪
♪ And we'll make This day look easy ♪
♪ But we're not lit ♪
♪ We're not cool ♪
♪ And my stomach's Really queasy ♪
♪ I don't think I can go through with it ♪
♪ Just take a deep breath And get a grip ♪
♪ Our strategy is tight Our game is strong ♪
♪ We got this, we got this ♪
♪ We'll get through it all Together ♪
♪ We got this, we got this ♪
♪ We're invincible We're a team, we're a troop ♪
♪ We're the best Forever friend group ♪
♪ I've got your back I know that you've got mine ♪
♪ Trust me, we'll be fine ♪
With that terrible tee shot, a redo was requested,
and thus was created: The Mulligan.
[phone ringing] Oh, my word!
Sorry. Leni, I can't talk. I'm in class.
Lori, please!
You've got this!
Huh? Fine.
But if I get a call from someone named Boo-Boo Bear,
I'm gonna need that back.
[grunting]
[bell ringing]
- Hey, Luan. - Hey. What's up, Benny?
I just wanted to say good luck.
I hope you win the play writing contest.
Oh, thanks. Knock on wood.
Hey, quit it, toots.
You're giving me a splintering headache.
[chuckles] More like a mi-grain.
[laughing]
Introducing... the woman who recently played
the coveted role of Confused Eater
in the new Burpin' Burger commercial...
Mrs. Bernardo!
Wow, Mrs. B has really stepped up
her entrance game.
Thank you. Thank you. Please. No, please. Hold your applause.
[clearing throat]
[cheering]
As you know, the winner
of the playwriting contest will be directing
the play they wrote.
There were a number of superb entries,
but only one dazzled me.
And the winner is...
- Oh my goodness. - Ah.
- Oh. - I got this.
Luan Loud!
[gasping] Really?
Really, really. And you'll be needing this.
Every director must have one.
Congrats Luan.
Thanks for the opportunity, Mrs. B.
I can't wait to get started.
Whoa.
[laughing]
Welcome to Canada.
Here's your complimentary snowsuit and toque.
You're gonna wanna put those on.
Thanks, but I'm all set- [screaming]
Don't worry, you're gonna love it here.
♪ Welcome to Canada ♪
♪ It's a treat this time Of year ♪
♪ So go on, mount your moose For your commute ♪
♪ That's how we get around 'Round here ♪
Try the ketchup chips. Just costs a loonie!
Don't resist.
♪ The Chinook winds are very Very extraordinary-nary ♪
♪ So if you love ♪
♪ Mounties, gravy, bags of milk A minus 50 morning chill ♪
♪ We've got it, boys So come and seize the day ♪
♪ Go and break the ice ♪
♪ And make a life North of the USA ♪
Today, you'll be getting your very first report card.
Huh?
Excellent. The first installment of my perfect academic career.
Let's see. An A in Science.
[laughing]
An A in Writing.
An A in Math.
One penny...
That's 4 dollars and 11 cents,
or approximately 416 Japanese yen.
Also, I took the liberty of preparing your tax returns.
An A in Physical Education. An A in Vocabulary.
And an F in Social Skills. Perfect.
Wait-- what? An F?!
[gasping]
And what does this animal do?
Quack, quack, quack quack.
[giggling]
Om-gosh, this must be shop class. You actually shop.
I'm so getting an A.
That new volunteer is delightful.
She really relates to the children on their level.
Oh, no need for that. Okay, everyone suit up.
Here, Lincoln, you tend goal.
Whoa.
Um, I don't really know how to play.
Okay, kids, if Sadie hits 160 gram puck
with 4200 pounds of force, how much time does Lincoln have
to raise his glove to block the goal?
Two hyper seconds! [grunting]
[groaning]
Correct, Sadie and nice slap shot.
Way to nail the biscuit.
[groaning]
Ooh, the solo.
I've been practicing for the audition for a month.
You're going to do great, buddy. Meanwhile,
I beat the final villain in Muscle Fish,
so it was a big month for both of us.
Uh, I hope those private singing lessons pay off.
That was a long drive to Cleveland every weekend.
On the bright side, it did give me time to listen
to Leon Cavaratti's Guide to Improving Your Vocal Cords!
♪ In this herky-jerky world ♪
♪ You shouldn't need To say goodbye ♪
Was I off there?! I can't be off!
My aunts are flying in from the Canary Islands
just to see me sing in the show.
No, no, you were fine. But maybe try it like this.
♪ In this herky-jerky world ♪
♪ You shouldn't need To say goodbye ♪
Did you know he had the voice of an angel?
[sniffles]
Chandler, good to see you, my man.
Missed each and every one of you.
You the most, Mr. B.
How lovely for us. Now, zip it!
Absolutely, but, uh, Mr. Bolhofner, sir,
is there any way you could turn down the temp in here?
I got kind of used to the cold.
[gasping]
Huh?
Turn down the temp?
Yeah, I don't care. No one's ever asked.
Way to go, Lincoln!
Phew.
See you later, Sam.
Okay. See ya.
[music playing]
♪ Got the rock 'n roll bug And I just can't shake it ♪
♪ Follow your heart If you really want to make it ♪
♪ I tried my hand At dental hygiene ♪
♪ But at the end of the day It just wasn't my thing ♪
♪ You can live your life Full of doubt ♪
♪ Or you can do what you love And it'll all work out ♪
♪ My life is a dream ♪
♪ The greatest Rock 'n roll dream ♪
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've got some Rumble royalty in the house!
Give it up for Chester "Chunk" Monk!
[cheering]
♪ You can live your life Full of doubt ♪
♪ Or you can do what you love ♪
♪ And it will all work out ♪
♪ My life is a dream ♪
♪ The greatest Rock 'n roll dream! ♪
[cheering]
Happy Monday class.
It's the moment you've been waiting for.
- Lunch? - No, Rusty.
The fifth grade egg baby challenge.
[cheering]
Man.
You work in pairs to look after an egg baby for a week.
Now, class, if your egg cracks or breaks, you fail.
But if you can keep your egg safe
for the whole week, you pass
and get a special waffle breakfast.
[mooing]
Whoops. [chuckles]
Wrong picture.
Ooh.
Clincoln McCloud reporting for parenting duty!
And waffles.
No no no. I'll be choosing the pairs.
The whole point is to work with someone you don't know
so you can learn about each other
through caring for the egg.
Okay, homeroom. There are no assigned seats,
so, it's time for rule number two:
Don't get stuck with a crummy desk.
Move out!
Oh, sorry. Please, it's all yours.
I'd pull out the chair for you, but...
[clearing throat] It's attached.
Wrong. Hey, back off, pigtails. My buddy saw this first.
[grunting] Boom, dominant.
Nobody's messing with that. Ha.
Uh, wasn't that a little aggressive?
Not if you don't want to end up like the kid
who got stuck with the worst desk in the room.
[laughing]
This one kid thought she had the perfect desk,
but ended up getting stuck in it so tight
that they had to call the school cook.
Sorry, kid.
We're gonna have to grease you out.
You got any nut allergies?
[laughing]
Four, three, two...
Good morning, Royal Woods Middle School.
I'm Lincoln Loud.
And I'm Clyde McBride.
And Kangaroos, this is your news.
Breaking news, today is Mr. Bolhofner's birthday.
We've got reporter Stella Zhau, live on the scene.
That's right, Clyde, I'm here with the birthday boy.
Mr. B, how does it feel to turn 62?
I'm 34!
[chuckles]
Now Rusty Spokes with sports.
Rusty, you're live.
[laughing] I'm here,
with the soccer team's captain, Lynn Loud.
Ugh, Rusty, we're trying to practice here.
[laughing] Lynn! Wait!
How are you feeling about today's game
against Hazeltucky?
More like Hazel... lucky if they score a goal.
Don't move, I need to run a few drills.
That's today's sports news, Lincoln and Clyde, back to-
Ooh.
Kicking it with Lynn Loud is definitely not a goal of mine.
[laughing]
Let's check back in with Stella, who's learning how to whip up
that famous cafeteria one bean chilli.
I'm here with Chef Pat!
[grunting]
And together, we're cookin' up some trouble.
Is that a shoe?
Well, that's the news for today.
From all of us here at Action News.
Have a hoppy day, Kangaroos.
[laughing]
That's a wrap.
Hairdryers?
You can't play hockey without ice.
[laughing]
Whoo hoo! Yeah!
Whoo!
Get back here with that!
Well, bust my flannels! What's going on here, eh?!
Oh, no! Principal Marshall! We're so busted!
Do you realize what you've done?
Sorry, Principal Marshall, I guess I'm a born troublemaker,
I just can't help myself.
Anyway, I'm sure this means I'm kicked out,
so I'll just go grab my belongings.
No! You actually saved me!
Seriously?
I was actually coming down here to melt the ice myself.
But you could have just turned on the heater.
But, uh, hairdryers work, too.
[whistle blowing]
Huh?
[laughing]
Dang it.
I hate dodgeball week.
Why is Mr. Bolhofner running it?
Coach Keck's at a gym teacher's conference,
so we're stuck with him.
Hey, chuckleheads, look alive!
[grunting]
My hair doesn't count. I'm still in.
I can't wait for yoga week.
Get changed! Princess, the rope is waiting.
And it will continue to do so, Coach P.
This is 30% of your grade, kid.
[groaning]
[grunting] [bell ringing]
I mean, right away, Coach.
[clearing throat]
I gotta pee, Coach, uh, P.
So do I.
Okay, everyone, move it. Royalty coming through.
If this damages my nails,
you will be hearing from my attorney.
Alley-oop!
[bell ringing]
Wow, Lola.
I've never seen that kind of hustle from you before.
Oh. Oh, right, um, I'm in training
for a Miss... Survivalist Pageant.
[giggling]
Great job, class.
I'm so proud of all your arts and crafts.
Dr. S, look.
I made a painting based on this scary dream
I had last night.
There were some super cute espadrilles on sale,
and they didn't have my size.
But I bought them anyway. [splatting]
Lily, Audrey! What did you do?!
[laughing]
[gasping]
You're okay in my book, Loud. So, get to your new seat. Now!
Too slow, Lincoln Lame.
If you want me out of your precious seat,
you're gonna have to make me move.
Huh?
[growling]
[screaming]