(audience cheers and applauds)
Thanks for being here.
You bet.
That doesn't get old, right?
No, it's great. That's nice. Ladies...
(audience cheers louder)
There's a thing that happens
when women see us together that...
I know, man, (laughter)
I know, I know. It happens whenever...
When you walk around without me, people are like,
"Well, where...? I don't understand."
This doesn't happen to me when you're not around, either.
Exactly. I know, I know, it's terrible.
You know what's funny, is that, you...
people have this, I think, this image of
movie stars as, you know, having a great life,
and there's a lot that's good about it,
but you, in particular, you work insanely hard.
You're working constantly.
We don't, you know, we see you,
I think every time you're here in the country,
but you're always out filming something all the time,
isn't that true?
As much as, until they figure me out, yeah.
Right. (Matt chuckles)
And so, like, "For now, this is working for me."
Absolutely.
But you were in, for the holidays,
you were shooting in Prague, is that right for...?
Yeah. I was in Prague for about six months,
and now I'm in Germany
shooting the sequel to the "Bourne Identity,"
and yes, I've been out of the country
for about seven months now.
Now, here's what's weird.
I don't know if you found this to be true,
but you get so used to living in this country,
you know, you get your Halloween, your Thanksgiving,
your Christmas, but when you're over there,
especially Halloween, Thanksgiving,
they don't have those holidays,
but they have their own sort of strange Euro holidays.
Yeah, yeah.
They have weird holidays.
I remember walking down the street one night
and they were just all these drunk Swiss people,
and their faces were painted,
and I said, "What, you know, what the hell is going on?"
They had like french horns and bagpipes,
And it was just weird.
Right. You know?
And I said, "What, you know, what's going on?"
They said, "This is a (speaking German) day."
And I was like, "Well, what the hell does that mean?"
He's like, "It's the day of the ghost."
(laughter)
(laughs) You're like, "Great, good for you."
I go to the set. I'm trying to, you know,
I'm wishing people a happy Thanksgiving.
And you know, obviously, it turns out
the pilgrims didn't go to Germany, so...
they don't really... (laughter)
Yeah, they kept going, which is why we get to eat turkey.
Exactly, exactly.
But what I found is that,
and this is going to sound terrible,
I know I had my whole rant against the tree,
but their holidays, like our holidays are based on like,
we have presents, and food, and it's really fun.
When you're over there, I've said like,
"What's today all about?"
And they'd be like, "Oh, today.
Today's the day we put a sausage under your pillow
and you go to bed right away."
(laughter)
You know... "What happens today?"
"Today, you put on wet clothes,
and turn around three times, and then get hit in the face,"
you know? (laughter)
Yeah, that's actually a real one.
Yeah, they're not holidays.
They're kind of punishment.
Punishments, yeah.
There's, so I don't know.
I'm thinking you'd probably get homesick for just...
I do. I miss it.
I mean, I had a whole Thanksgiving dinner, you know?
I invited everyone, you know,
the Americans who were over there all came over,
we had Turkey and stuff.
Yeah, you definitely get homesick for that stuff.
And of course, home.
Same for both of us. We're both from
the Boston area, Boston, Massachusetts, yeah.
Boston, Massachusetts.
(one person claps)
Do you get... I know... that's sad.
(laughter)
Pretty big city, but no,
it's like one guy in the back, (claps) "Go Patriots!"
(laughter)
"I better shut up."
But when you go home to Boston,
it's a tough town about celebrity.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you get them trying to sorta almost...
they're proud of you, but they also want to
take you down a notch.
Have you noticed that?
Yeah, I guess so.
Well, they have the kind of, that saying there about,
you know, they don't want you to ever "big time" them.
Right. You know,
so, it's like, "You're not big timing me, are you?"
Yeah. "Are you big timing me?"
It's like, "No, I didn't even know you were saying 'hello.'"
I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. (audience laughs)
I'm not big timing you, man."
...big timing me.
The problem is, I usually am trying to big time them.
(laughter) I'm usually like,
a monocle and a top hat... "Yes."
(laughter)
(claps) "I'm such a big star."
I've had like, flying to Logan airport,
and you go look for the cab line,
and I was looking for the cab line,
and I accidentally, I swear to God,
walk towards the front of the cab line,
looking for the cab line,
and the guy was like, "Hey there, T.V. star,
get to the back" in front of everybody.
And they're all like, "Yeah... heh."
(laughter)
It's tougher for you too, cause you're tall,
so you're harder to miss.
Yeah. I don't do incognito very well.
I've always said that when I try and like travel incognito,
it's like Big Bird putting on some glasses and a hat.
(laughter) just go to the back.
Let's talk about this movie, 'cause this is,
it's the Farrelly brothers,
who were all very familiar with their work,
and they don't disappoint.
They make really funny movies, and they have,
they're not afraid to go for a big,
stupid idea and make it work.
And this movie...
I mean... They did it again.
And they did it again. I mean, you hear the idea,
you hear the idea for this film, and you say,
"They've done it again."
This is a funny idea, and they're just going for it.
It's you and Greg Kinnear are Siamese twins...
Conjoined.
Conjoined twins.
We prefer the term "conjoined."
Okay. (audience laughs)
That's right. That's probably inappropriate
what I just said, that'll be edited out.
The same guy who's writing you the letter about the tree
is going to be writing you a letter about that.
No, he's not going to care about that.
(laughter)
You are conjoined twins... is the politically correct term.
Let's all get that straight.
I'm disappointed in all of you,
and you are, and to make this movie,
you guys had to actually be harnessed together.
Right, yeah.
And, and I, you know, I used to think,
well, they'll just make big shirts,
and you can both get in the shirt,
but they wanted it to make it look
somewhat realistic and for the physical comedy,
so you're strapped to Greg Kinnear for,
how long did it take to make this movie?
About four months.
(laughter)
Well, tell us... We didn't go home
and sleep together, I mean, you know,
at the end of the day...
There was that one time, come on.
(laughter)
He was drunk.
Yeah. (laughter and light applause)
You took advantage.
Finally.
(laughter) No, we... Now, that's in the tabloids,
I'm sorry. Yeah.
We, yeah, it was about 14 hours a day that we would,
you know, we'd put the harness on,
and then, actually, there were days where
we have our shirts off,
and that was a prosthetic makeup job that they did,
you know, fronts, backs, and kind of the middle section
Right. that took like
12 hours to, just to get ready to go to shoot.
So it was a pretty big, a pretty big undertaking.
Now, and it's something where,
when you're in that situation,
you can't get out of it quickly,
meaning you can't unhook quickly,
say if one of you, if mother nature calls...
Right. I'm just imagining
there's a lot of problems there
when you're attached to another actor.
Yes, well, there are the,
kind of the problems that you would expect,
although we did, we took the Oath of Two
at the beginning of the, you know,
the whole process The Oath of Two...
explain the Oath of Two.
Well, when you go to the bathroom,
you got your number one, you got your number two.
Right. And we took
the Oath of Two, which was,
I don't care if it's Montezuma's revenge, man,
I am not sitting next to you. (laughs)
(audience and Conan laugh)
There are some things I'll do for my craft.
And then there are other things I will not do.
Absolutely. I work hard, I believe in what I do,
but (laughs) there's not a chance
you're going to hand me like "Sports Illustrated"
and have me sit this one out. (Conan laughs)
No way.
This won't take long, I promise you. Right.
But we, I mean, for guys, you know,
we stand next to each other all the time in the, you know,
public urinals, so that wasn't too big a step.
Although, we're not normally, cozy, you know? (laughs)
(laughter) So, that was a bit of a... (laughter)
an eye opener. Right.
And the urinals have been spaced by...
very, a lot of... A very important
engineer came up with this. Yeah.
And an engineer has allowed men enough space
that they have their zone.
Exactly.
Their own discrete zone. We'll call it a splash zone.
A splash zone?
Wow. (laughter and applause)
Not having someone who knows the technical term.
(applause)
You've looked into this, I see?
I didn't, before this movie, I had to, yeah.
You bring a ruler when you're there.
"No, no, this is not up to code."
So... all right, so that's good.
So, at least you had some rules.
And did you guys get sick of each other
when you were making...?
Actually, no.
You know, Greg is a really, really funny guy,
and he, you know, the kind of definition of "hell"
would be doing this movie harnessed to
someone who was a real jackass.
I mean, that would be horrible, obviously.
But Greg and I...
Because I read for this part and they said, "No chance."
They said... (laughter)
that you turned me down.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, there was also the height differential.
I don't know how we would... Yeah. (laughs)
You thought I was big timing you.
Yeah, yeah. You were big timing me.
Um, yeah Um...
Oh yeah, go ahead.
No, please. Your show, man.
I insist, no, please, please.
(laughter) You got the Oscar,
I don't got nothing.
(laughter and applause) I got a...
bowling trophy from 1978.