Hello and welcome to Slice of Ace!
I was on YouTube the other day, and this video
popped up in my recommendations titled "ASEXUAL IS NOT LGBT". I try not to get
annoyed by things, but when I saw that in all capitals, it really frustrated me. So
I clicked on the video, and I was ready to be annoyed, and I watched it... I
realised, I wasn't annoyed. It surprised me, because the person who made the video,
they were respectful and, yes they expressed their opinion which was
counter to mine, but it was done thoughtfully and they did have respect
for the ace community, even though they didn't believe that asexuality belonged
in the LGBT+ community. I'm leaving a link of that video in the description,
but I recommend that if you do watch it, watch it with open mind and just
because their opinion may differ from yours, don't jump the gun and get angry
and get annoyed. But don't get me wrong, I disagree with the opinion given in the
video. I do think that asexuality should be allowed to be part of the LGBT+
community. So this is quite a controversial topic, and the video which
I've just been talking about is what prompted me to make this video. I
generally don't like to get involved in these sort of discussions, because there
is a lot of controversy and from that brews a lot of hate and arguments and
disputes and generally discussions which aren't particularly productive to making
change or coming to shared decisions. But since I'm in the
position to talk about asexuality and the ace community, I think that I should
voice my opinion on this. So let's invite the controversy and talk
about whether asexuality should be welcomed in the LGBT+ community. The
first thing that we have to consider is that asexuality is more complicated than
other orientations. For one, asexuality is often separated into romantic and sexual
orientation which is something which isn't done in the wider world of
sexuality. So I'd like to start by discussing homoromanticism,
biromanticism, panromanticism. Because in my opinion, if you argue that a gay
person, a lesbian person, a bi person, a pan person is part of the LGBT+ community,
by extension someone who has that romantic orientation, someone who is
homoromantic for example (like me) should also be welcome in that community.
And I've seen a lot of people who think that asexuality isn't a part of the
LGBT+ community say that unless you are homo-/bi-/pan-romantic. So, it generally
seems agreed-upon that even if you are asexual, if your romantic orientation
is something that would be included in the LGBT+ community anyway, then you're
allowed in. But then that leaves us with heteroromantic aces, aro aces, and other
ace spec individuals such as demisexuals, people identify as grey asexual et cetera et cetera.
In my opinion, the LGBT+ community should be a safe space for anyone
identifies with a minority orientation or gender identity.
The reason this safe space is necessary is because these people, people
who aren't straight, who aren't cis, they face discrimination and issues
because of who they are. I think the problem is that people don't recognize
that asexuals and other ace spec individuals don't have exactly the same
problems as say a gay person would. Aces haven't had to fight for marriage
equality and right to adopt children for example, but that doesn't mean that our
problems should be ignored just because maybe they're not as visible to everyone
else as say marriage equality. For example, it's incredibly difficult to have
a successful dating life as an allo(romantic) ace just because of the hyper sexualization
of society and the expectation that in a relationship you'll have sex, and the
general misunderstanding and misconceptions surrounding asexuality.
And that's another thing, misrepresentation of asexuals is still
rampant within media and in society in general. Recently there was an article
published by I believe "well-being health" - Hi, future Daniel here! It was actually
Everyday Health and I'll leave a link to the article in the description below if
you want to laugh at how terrible it is. Okay, back on to past me! - that is getting a
lot of flack in the ace community because of the way it talks about asexuality. And,
on the more severe side, there's things like corrective rape. This is a problem
for some asexuals, and you can't ignore that, and something like rape is
traumatic and it affects someone's life so profoundly that it is important to
talk about. And extending that to aromanticism, there is a constant pressure
that you should be in a relationship, if you aren't in a relationship
you are failing and you are unsuccessful at life.
And this can be incredibly damaging to people who are aro spec or who aren't
necessarily interested in a relationship for whatever reason. And then, issues can
also arise from just not being accepted anywhere. We're seen as odd by straight
people, something which is different, but then if you're not accepted into
LGBT+ spaces, then where do you fit? It's not like there's widespread ace spaces
and ace communities that you can gather around. Sure, there are some, but people
might find solace in being in an LGBT+ community which should be welcoming and
accepting of everyone there, and if they're turned away, it can hurt. In a
sense, the problem is that aces are invisible.
There isn't an outwardly facing persona that asexuality gives off. For example,
you can recognize that someone is gay (or bi) from whom they have a relationship with,
but with asexuality it's something private, it's something personal for most
people. So it's something they're only really going to discuss with their
partner if they are in a relationship for example. So I think that people who
don't spend a lot of time within ace communities and who don't really
understand the kind of struggles that we face may think that we don't have any
problems because of a lack of sexual attraction which is, in my opinion,
factually incorrect. But I do understand, from that point of view, why people would
think that there is no baggage that comes with
asexuality. So it's the thought of people disregarding what they can't see and
thinking that it doesn't exist because they don't witness it themselves. It
has always baffled me that this is a problem in the first place.
To me the LGBT+ community is a safe space, like I said earlier. It's something
that should be welcoming and accepting and somewhere we can be yourself without
having having to worry about being judged by others. But the more I've
learnt about the LGBT+ community, the more I've realised that it's not like
that all the time. And honestly, it saddens me that there is so much
gatekeeping especially towards the ace community. If someone finds comfort and
enjoys being part of the community, it seems wrong to push them out or not let
them in in the first place. And I don't understand whom it hurts to let asexuals
and asexuality be a part of the LGBT+ community. I don't know whether it's just
not wanting to dilute the message of the LGBT+ community, or it's something else
entirely, but it doesn't seem right in my opinion. All that said, I'm not going to
stamp my foot and say "Asexuals are part of the LGBT+ community! Disagree with me,
and I will decapitate you!" because that's not very nice... but also because I think
that being in the LGBT+ community should be a personal choice. If you want
to be associated with that and you are part of a sexual or gender minority then
I don't see why you shouldn't be welcomed and accepted. So to round this all
off, my answer to whether asexuals should be part of the LGBT+ community is that... *prepares script* ;)
Asexuality is a minority sexual orientation and to say that the asexual
community doesn't face discrimination and issues related to their orientation
is factually incorrect.
Asexuals should be welcome in the LGBT+ community, but it should be a personal
choice as to whether they associate themselves with the community. (End quote :P)
But that's just my opinion! Hopefully you picked up from the start of the video that I don't
really mind if you disagree with me, as long as we can have a civilized
conversation about why we disagree and why we have the opinions that we have. So
if you have something to add on this controversial topic, then feel free to
comment down below! And that doesn't just apply to this video, if you ever want to
disagree with me or tell me that I'm wrong, please do. I like criticism because
it helps me be better. Now that I've spoken for going on half an hour about
this fascinating and controversial topic... if you enjoyed this video, then please
leave a like. I post videos every Saturday, so if you want to see more, then
feel free to subscribe! That is all I had to say today, have a wonderful day, and I
shall see you next time!