M: Hey Will, this is a food story. I normally do these alone. They’re kind of my thing.
I mean, are you up to this?
W: In my entire life I’ve only been up for 3 things: cinnamon rolls, naps, and writing
children’s novels under the pen name R.L. Stine.
M: You heard it here first!
M: Welcome to Sourcefed, I’m Matt Lieberman.
W: And I’m William Haynes.
M: The food and beverage industry is comprised of thousands of global brands, but did you
know that the vast majority of those brands are owned by a small number of huge companies?
W: I didn’t, but that’s only because I spend most of my time exploring the back catalogues
of Cher and the Bangles. Matt wrote that specific line. I don’t know what that is.
M: The following ten companies represent millions of jobs, billions of dollars in profits, and
hundreds of billions of dollars in assets. These companies control the world’s food.
W: Coming in at number 10, Associated British Foods, a British food manufacturer whose portfolio
includes Mazola corn oil and Twinings tea. This makes sense to me because British people
often like tea according to stereotype and that girl I tried to date once that only wanted
to drink tea with me.
M: At number 9, Kellogg! Aside from its well known cereal brands, Kellogg also owns Pringles,
which it acquired in 2012 for 2.7 billion dollars, and Keebler, which is what Will calls
all Irish people behind their back.
W: Untrue. I don’t even know what an Irish person is.
M: This is not surprising to me.
W: At number 8, General Mills, which owns Betty Crocker, Green Giant, and Pillsbury
aside from its cereal brands. Can you imagine those three people in a room together? Hilarious!
M: Coming in at number 7, Mondelez International. Now, fun fact, in 2012, Kraft Foods split
into two separate companies, Kraft Foods Group and Mondelez. While Kraft Foods handles the
American grocery brands, Mondelez owns its candy and snack brands, like Cadbury, Nabisco,
Oreo, and Trident gum. Though their products are sweet, according to corporate watchdogs
Oxfam, their approach to climate change and corporate transparency is not.
W: Was...was that your joke?
M: Yeah. W: You’re not even trying.
M: I worked really hard on this piece-
W: You’re making it worse. Number 6 is Groupe Danone, a French company that has massive
sales in Russia, followed by France, the U.S., China, and Indonesia. They make their money
by selling fresh dairy and bottled water, because as we all know, French people do nothing
but drink water and eat cheese. Nothing! You’re writing me very racist in this story.
M: At number 5 is Mars, Inc., which is the only one of these companies that is privately
owned. It owns tons of candy brands, including M&Ms, Milky Way, Snickers, and Twix, but also
owns food brands like Uncle Ben’s Rice. Do you have an opinion of Uncle Ben’s Rice,
Will?
W: It’s overpriced.
M: Right.
W: Number 4 is Unilever, a company best known for their hair and soap products, but also
owns a bunch of food brands, like Lipton tea, Hellmann’s mayonnaise, and Ben & Jerry’s
ice cream. I hate dutch people. No! No!
M: PepsiCo is number 3. You’re like wait a second, when’s the last time I drank a
Pepsi? That’s impossible! Well, did you know that they also own big time food brands
like Tostitos, Doritos, and Quaker Oats? Neither did I. That’s pretty cool.
W: Number two is Coca-Cola. The company that became an American institution by selling
what was once cocaine soda to people - seriously, look it up - had 8.4 billion dollars in profits
last year. They own a wide variety of beverages, including Dasani and Vitamin Water, but Coca-Cola
is the strongest brand in their portfolio. America is destroying the Earth through it’s
patriarchy of evil. I give up...
M: At number 1, the largest food company on the planet is Nestle. Candy, bottled water,
Hot Pockets, the list goes on. They had 11.2 billion dollars in profits last year. They’re
also the most environmentally and socially responsible company on this list, receiving
high scores from Oxfam in corporate transparency, water use, and climate change. So go buy some
hot pockets to s thanks. Hey Will, do you have anything else controversial that you’d
like to say? W: I’m not
reading any of this. I’m pretty sure you wrote the swariest word I’ve ever read in
my entire life.
M: Great! So what do you guys think about the consolidation of all of these food companies?
Let us know in the comments below.