>>> AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES. >> GOOD EVENING, AMERICA.
I'M VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS.
THIS HAS BEEN A DIFFICULT YEAR FOR ALL OF US, BUT I REALLY DO
FEEL THAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SEE SOME LIGHT.
AND WHAT BETTER NIGHT TO CELEBRATE A NEW BEGINNING THAN
PASSOVER, OR AS MY ADOPTED PEOPLE CALL IT, PESACH.
THAT'S WHY IT'S TIME FOR A KAMALA HARRIS UNITY SEDER.
TONIGHT WE ASK FOUR QUESTIONS. HOW'S SCHOOL?
DID YOU EAT? WHEN ARE YOU GIVING ME
GRANDCHILDREN? AND WHAT'S WITH THAT HAIRCUT?
AND I CANNOT HAVE ONE BY MY LONESOME.
SO TO HELP ME WITH THIS I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE MY ROCK, MY
EVERYTHING, MY SEMITIC SMOKE SHOW, MY EVERYTHING, DOUG
EMHOFF. COME OUT HERE, SEXY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> I CAN'T DO THIS.
I'M TOO SHY. I'M JUST A SHY ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER. >> OH, COME ON.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PRETEND IT'S JUST US, BABY.
>> WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW --
[ WHOOPS ] LISTEN TO ME, GIRL.
I SUPPORT YOU. EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AROUND, I'M
SO GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU, HONEY.
>> YOU BETTER BE. >> FROM TIME TO TIME YOU'RE
GOING TO LOOK AROUND, I'M NOT GOING TO BE THERE.
>> OH NO. >> THAT'S JUST ME TELLING YOU,
YOU GOT THIS, BABY. >> OH, THE SUPPORT.
YOU'RE MY LOAD-BEARING WALL. YOU HOLD UP MY ROOF.
YOU'RE ALWAYS ON TOP OF MY BASEMENT.
[ DOORBELL ] >> STRANGERS!
I DON'T LIKE STRANGERS, THEY FRIGHTEN ME.
>> I'M SORRY, BABE. OUR FIRST GUEST IS HERE.
IN THE FIRT OF PESACH, I REACHED ACROSS THE AISLE.
JOE BIDEN GAVE ME A LIST OF REPUBLICANS TO REACH OUT TO AND
I'M STARTING AT THE BOTTOM. >> STARTED AT THE BOTTOM, NOW
I'M HERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELCOME TO MY HOME, TED CRUZ. >> HEY, I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A
JEWISH DINNER SO I BROUGHT SOME ISRAELI FLAG CUPCAKES.
I'VE GOT A TON OF THESE LEFT OVER FROM CPAC AND PIGS IN A
BLANKET. >> WE CAN'T HAVE PORK.
OR BREAD. SO THANK YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> HEY, BY THE WAY, SOMEBODY
SCRAPED THE CRAP OUT OF A PRIUS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY.
NO IDEA WHO DID IT. PROBABLY MY DAUGHTERS.
IT DEFINITELY WASN'T ME. MY ONLY CRIME IS LOVING TOO MUCH
AND SEDITION. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S MY PRIUS, BUT IT'S ALL GOOD.
>> MAY I ASK. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR?
I SEE SERIAL KILLER ON THE SIDE, BAIT AND TACKLE SHOP OWNER IN
THE FRONT. >> IN HONOR OF PASSOVER, I HAD
MY HAIRCUT DONE BY A MOYLE. ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ >> SHALOM TO THE CHILDREN.
>> MEET MY SUPREMELY BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED STEPDAUGHTER.
>> WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE? AM I BREAKING YOUR EYES?
GOOD. YOU MAY THINK I MAY LOOK INSANE,
BUT I ASSURE YOU I'M THE MOST NORMAL-LOOKING PERSON IN
BUSHWICK. >> THANK YOU, ELLA, YOU'RE
ELEVATING THE SEDER. >> MAKE SURE EVERYONE HAS ENOUGH
GEFILTE FISH. >> OKAY, BUT ALL OF THIS
IS GOING ON MY VISION BOARD BECAUSE IT'S ALIVE.
[ DOORBELL ] >> LET'S SEE WHO IT IS.
OH, WHY, IT'S REVEREND SENATOR RAPHAEL WARNOCK.
>> SHALOM, Y'ALL. JON OSSOFF TOLD ME TO BRING SOME
MENASHAVITZ. >> HOW ARE THINGS GOING IN
GEORGIA? >> WELL, Y'ALL SAW "ROOTS,"
RIGHT? THAT'S HOW IT GOING IN GEORGIA.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, WE NEED TO MAKE SURE WE
KEEP GEORGIA BLUE FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
>> AND THE ONE AFTER THAT. >> WELL, THAT WON'T BE EASY.
THEY'LL DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO KEEP BLACK PEOPLE FROM
VOTING. WE WOULDN'T VOTE ON ANYTHING IF
THEY HAD THEIR WAY, NOT EVEN "AMERICAN IDOL."
JENNIFER HUDSON WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOCKED OUT IN THE FIRST ROUND.
JENNIFER DAMN HUDSON, Y'ALL. >> NOT J-HUD!
>> OH, IF YOU EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO HAVE A NOSH.
>> YOU GET THAT EGG, SENATOR. >> ALL RIGHT, SO FAR REVEREND
SENATOR RAPHAEL WARNOCK -- [ DOORBELL ]
>> WHO COULD THAT BE, ELIJAH? >> GOOD ONE, SWEETIE.
>> HEY! >> OH, WHY IT'S JOE BIDEN!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> HOW ARE YOU?
>> HEY DID YOU ALL CATCH MY PRESS CONFERENCE?
SO EASY. A LOT OF CRITICS THOUGHT I
WASN'T MENTALLY PREPARED ENOUGH. BUT I THINK I PROVED THEM ALL
WRONG. [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, KAMALA. NOT SURE YOU HEARD.
I PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF SOLVING THE IMMIGRATION PROBLEM AT THE
MEXICAN BORDER. >> YES, I DID HEAR THAT, WOW.
THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY. SUCH A -- FUN, SOLVABLE PROBLEM.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND WHAT ARE YOU IN CHARGE OF?
>> MOI? GIVING OUT CHECKS.
WHO WANTS STIMMIES? MAKE IT RAIN!
IT'S A NOR'EASTER? >> OH, BIDEN.
>> GUESS WHAT? I GOT A LITTLE PASSOVER SURPRISE
FOR YOU ALL.
THERE HE IS. COME ON IN HERE, THAT'S RIGHT.
MY DOG, IT'S MAJOR, BACK FROM BEING RETRAINED.
ALL BETTER NOW, AREN'T YOU, MAJOR?
SWEET POOCH. [ GROWLING ]
>> THANK GOD WE CAN HANG OUT NOW THAT WE'RE ALL VACCINATED, ISN'T
IT GREAT? [ GROWLING ]
>> COME ON PRESIDENT, DIDN'T YOU CATCH MY PRESS CONFERENCE?
>> YEAH, I DID. >> BORING.
>> I SWITCHED OVER TO A TRUCKERS MARATHON.
>> SOMETHING SPOOKED THAT HELL HOUND.
>> IT'S MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE! >> CRANKY FOR ANTIFA
HEADQUARTERS. >> WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK ON THE
DOOR? >> NO, NO.
SINCE JANUARY 6th I'VE BEEN ENTERING DWELLINGS INSURRECTION
STYLE. I DON'T TEST DOORS.
DOORS IS WHAT IS DESTROYING THIS COUNTRY.
I'LL ONLY ENTER ROOMS THROUGH HVAC DUCTS, WINDOWS --
>> A WORD? >> WHAT, BABY, WHAT?
>> SWEETIE. I'M WORRIED THIS UNITY THING IS
TEARING EVERYBODY APART. >> SHH, KAMALA.
THERE'S A PASSOVER SEDER SONG. THERE'S A SAYING.
"DAYENU." IT MEANS "IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
ENOUGH." AND IF YOU'RE JUST
VICE PRESIDENT -- >> OH, NO.
THAT WON'T BE ENOUGH. >> I WANT YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]