TONIGHT, WE PROUDLY PRESENT SCENES FROM A TRIO OF EXCITING
NEW SCREEN-TO-STAGE ADAPTATIONS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- THIS IS "INAPPROPRIATE
MUSICALS!" [APPLAUSE]
[RINGS BELL] NATHAN: EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
I'M A FRIEND OF SARA CONNOR.
COULD I SEE HER?
JAMES: NO.
SHE'S MAKING A STATEMENT. IT'LL TAKE A WHILE.
IF YOU WANT TO WAIT, THERE'S A BENCH OVER THERE.
[LAUGHTER] NATHAN: I'LL BE BACK.
NATHAN:♪ OH, I'LL BE BACK!
I'LL BE BACK! DON'T YOU DARE GO ANYWHERE
'CAUSE I'LL BE BACK!
I'LL SOON RETURN, AND WHEN I DO,
YOU'RE GONNA BE SURPRISED AT WHAT OCCURS TO YOU!
♪ JAMES:♪
OH, HE'LL BE BACK!
HE'LL BE BACK!
GUESS THAT I WILL WAIT HERE UNTIL HE GETS BACK!
I'LL JUST STAND HERE ASSUMIN'
THAT HE'S A NORMAL HUMAN AND WAIT UNTIL HE GETS BACK!
WONDER WHAT'LL HAPPEN WHEN HE RETOINS!
NATHAN:♪ LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
LEGITIMATE CONCOINS!
NATHAN & JAMES:♪ OH, I'LL BE BACK!
I'LL BE BACK! AND WHEN I AM
I'M GONNA TAKE A DIFFERENT TACK!
YOU'LL SEE THE TERMINATOR SOONER NOT LATER!
'CAUSE I'LL (HE'LL BE BACK!
♪ [APPLAUSE]
RACHEL:♪ MY NAME IS REGAN.
AND A FORCE INSIDE'S BE-GIN -- NIN'
TO CAPTURE MY SOUL. NOW I FEEL AS IF I'M
DREAMIN' 'CAUSE INSIDE ME THERE'S A
DEMON, AND IT MAKES MY MIND AND BODY
LOSE CONTROL! YOU MAKE MY HEAD SPIN,
MR. EXORCIST MAN! YOU MAKE MY HEAD SPIN,
LIKE ONLY AN EXORCIST CAN!
YOU MAKE MY HAIR SPIN RACHEL, NATHAN & JAMES:
♪ YOU MAKE MY HEAD SPIN,
(GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN.) MR. EXORCIST MAN!
A-WAITIN'.] YOU MAKE MY HEAD SPIN,
(GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN.) LIKE ONLY AN EXORCIST CAN!
(THAT CROSS IS NOT FOR TITILLATING)
RACHEL: YEAH! JAMES: JOHN DOE, AS I STAND HERE
WITH MY PARTNER TRYING TO END HIS MURDER INVESTIGATION, I
HAVE JUST ONE QUESTION. ♪
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
♪ NATHAN: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ASK
THAT. JAMES: WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
NATHAN: OOOH, HOW TO RESPOND?
JAMES:♪ WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
NATHAN:♪ I'M NOT GONNA SAY,
BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT IT'S BLOND.
REGGIE: MILLS, PUT YOUR GUN DOWN.
THROW IT AWAY.
JAMES: WHAT'S IN THE BOX? NATHAN: DETECTIVE, I'M
JEALOUS, JAMES: WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
NATHAN: 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT IT ALL.
JAMES: WHAT'S IN THE BOX? NATHAN: ♪
SO EARLY THIS MORNING, I PAID YOUR OLD LADY A CALL.
REGGIE: NO, MILLS, I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
RACHEL: ♪ I'M IN THE BOX!
JAMES: ♪ OH NO, THAT'S MY DARLIN'!
RACHEL: ♪ I'M IN THE BOX!
YOU CUT OFF HER HEAD! JAMES: ♪
I'M IN THE BOX! RACHEL: ♪
NATHAN: I MURDERED YOUR WIFE,
SO WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT ME DEAD?
REGGIE: DAVID, IF YOU KILL HIM, HE WINS.
JAMES:♪ OH, LIFE IS A GAME
THAT'S FULL OF HARD CHOICES.
♪ NATHAN:♪
LIFE IS A GAME THAT'S FULL OF HARD KNOCKS.
♪ RACHEL:♪
BUT IN THE END, THE MORAL IS CLEAR
ALL THREE ALWAYS THINK OUTSIDE THE
BOX!
REGGIE: FORGET IT.
IT'S CHINATOWN. [APPLAUSE]
JAMES: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NATHAN LANE, RACHEL BLOOM,
REGGIE WATTS! STICK AROUND!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!