- Welcome back to "Just Between Us" couch show.
Every Thursday we sit on this couch.
No, that's not how filming works.
Today's actually Monday.
- You know that my boyfriend didn't know that?
- Really?
- He's brilliant.
He's a brilliant very smart person
and he didn't even know we changed shirts.
(both laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Okay, so for this week...
- Sure, today.
- Today. - Today part two.
I thought that we could talk about what it is like for you
to now date women as a man
and if that feels very different.
- Okay, this is gonna be relatable to probably
the, I would say, 75% of our audience
who is now trans guys,
who I guess came here starting as women
and are now trans men
and also looking at the statistics
for my podcast, "Bad with Money,"
it seems to be all trans men.
- That's so cool though.
It's awesome.
- And also it's people that have
been my fan who then message me and are like,
"Yeah, I was just like you and I had the same exact path."
There's a sweet spot,
I've been on T for like a year, a little more than a year
and there's a sweet spot where you are suddenly
very visible to women.
Women are super interested in you,
queer women and cis, trans, whatever,
are very, very interested in you
and then as you start to slowly get more facial hair
and look more masculine, then you're invisible again.
- Wait, so when is the sweet spot?
- It's right now.
I'm in it right now.
- Oh, congratulations. - Thank you.
- Oh, so you think this is gonna go away?
- Yeah, I think so. - Why?
- Because they're queer women.
They're more interested in femme
or androgynous people, I think.
So there's a time when I stopped being attracted to them,
I think, that's a theory of mine.
- Well, you don't know.
- Well, it's a theory of a lot of trans guys,
but I wanted to say it was a theory of mine
in case trans guys are like, "Nah, nobody thinks that."
But people do think that.
When I was a woman dating women, I was good at it.
But I'm not very good now
because I think there's an expectation of masculinity
put on me that is not entirely accurate or there.
A lot of times cis women will talk to me
as if I've had male privilege my whole life.
So they'll that thing where girls roast the guy they like
or poke fun at you a little bit or-
- I've never done that.
- That's a lie.
- I don't ever roast my partners.
- That is a lie!
- That's not my favorite hobby.
- Lie!
(Allison laughing)
No absolute lie!
It's not in the way that you are doing it.
It's in a way of like,
where they're sort of,
"Oh, you're a player,
"you're a fuck boy, you've got a big head."
Just kind of this stuff that you can reasonably
maybe say to cis men to be silly or to be like,
"Well you've benefited from patriarchy or whatever."
But, I don't have that.
I'm just a soft little creature.
So I'm like, "Why are you talking to me
"as if I've been a part of toxic masculinity
"for years and years since my birth."
Either they think it's affirming
but they're not understanding that I was socialized female
or two, they're just sort of treating me in a way
that is more mean.
They're meaner to me. - Oh, interesting.
- Yeah.
- In teasing or just straight up mean.
- A little bit mean, a little bit teasing,
but also assumptions that I'm up to something.
- Oh, that's interesting.
- Yeah, if you are a cis man,
reasonably you are up to something.
- But you're also polyamorous and openly polyamorous.
So what could you be up to-
- Literally nothing. - That's not allowed.
- I've never been up to anything a day in my life.
I'm mostly confused about other people
being up to stuff or other people-
- No, you've been up to stuff before, maybe not currently.
- No.
- You used to be up to all sorts of stuff.
- Yeah, you know what's hard,
is that I assume that everybody has good intentions
and then I'm just a mark.
How many times have I been like,
"Everyone has good intentions,"
and then it's like, "That friend actually turned on you,"
and I'm like, "What?"
The autism really makes a lot of sense,
but I need to get more discerning,
as I've said, about friendships since the age of 25.
Have I done it?
No.
The amount to which like women are like,
"Oh, you're just a player,
"you're just a fuck boy, you're just a player."
Nobody said that to me when I was a woman.
Nobody called me that.
- What do you say back?
- With this one girl, I was like, "No, I'm not!
"I'm just a nice boy!"
- Maybe they just find you so attractive
that they assume everyone's throwing themselves at you.
- No, it's that they're seeing masculinity
and they're like, "Oh, masculinity is bad
"so there's gotta be something like bad about you."
I think. - I don't know.
- Or the assumption that a masc,
even a butch lesbian,
the assumption that a masc lesbian is a player
or that a butch lesbian has got swag or game
or is a player and so it's this thing of trans guys
being like, "Oh, you're just a player.
"You just got swag.
"You're just like talking to girls."
And it's like I'm routinely fucking up with women,
routinely.
- In what ways?
- You know what it is?
It's that I'm just being genuine
and I'm also holding boundaries
and women are taking that as a challenge.
- Ooo, tell me more.
- I'm seeing this girl and she's a little younger than me
and so she's like a little bit out and about more than I am
if you can believe and she's like,
"Can I just come over
"and get something from your apartment?"
Something that she needed at like 11:30
and I was like, "No."
(Allison laughing)
And me maybe when I was younger would've been like,
"Sure," but me now, she's very close by and she was like,
"I just wanna come grab this thing for this other person."
And I was like, "My apartment is closed for business."
(Allison laughing)
This one girl that I was talking to,
I said she was beautiful and she was like,
"That's what they all say."
And I was like, "Who?
"I'm saying you're beautiful."
And then I was like,
"I'm telling the truth because I don't have
"the years of toxic masculinity behind me.
"So I'm literally just telling you
"that I think you're beautiful."
And then she was like,
"They're all telling the truth when they're lying."
What does that mean, Allison?
(Allison laughing)
What does that mean?
Women are speaking in puzzles and codes to me now.
They are all telling the truth when they're lying?
- I don't know what that means.
- What does that mean?
- I don't think it really means anything.
- I think it means that I'm a player,
that I'm telling the truth in the moment, but I'm lying.
- Well I think about this moment in "Mama Mia," two
"Here We Go Again." - Go on.
- Where Meryl Streep's younger self
explains that there's two type of men.
There's men who lie and say that they love you
to get you in bed
and then there's men who like fully believe it
and say that they love you and believe it
and then the next morning wake up
and are like, "Oh, actually I don't."
You're technically lying
but you think you're telling the truth.
- I'm not, I'm not doing that at all.
I'm very open with these girlies.
I do feel myself bumbling more and fucking up more
in terms of communication towards women
because they speak in code
and I'm confused about what's going on
and then the more confused I get,
the more into me they seem to be.
(Allison laughing)
They think I'm doing some sort of act
to get them to like me
but I am in a state of constant confusion.
(Allison laughing)
- That's very funny and sad.
(both laughing)
- They're like,
"Oh, you're just kind of playing hot and cold."
And I'm like, "No, I'm literally busy sometimes
"and not busy other times."
I'm not doing anything.
But suddenly because I'm a guy,
I've got the game.
- Oh my God, one of my friends keeps sending me
all these Instagram reels that he watches
about how men need to be hard
and it's truly the most toxic masculinity advice
given by women. - Oh no.
- And I'm like, "I know you're watching this as a bit,
"but what if this converts you?"
- Yeah, the algorithm. - I know.
- I know!
Algorithms are so funny.
Alex and I were just talking about a friend of ours,
his algorithm is all stuff that's Disney wife.
He just keeps watching stuff that's like,
"POV, you and the hubby take the kids to Magic Kingdom."
- Is he a Disney wife?
- No! (Allison laughing)
(upbeat music)
- The jig is up.
Honestly, I think the reason we stopped doing YouTube
for a while was I ran outta shirts.
- You've said that many times.
You can get new shirts at allisonraskinexposed.com
or justbetweenuspod.com.