>>> IT'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
>>> FINALLY GIVING EMOJI FANS THE ABILITY TO DESCRIBE WHAT IT
WAS LIKE TO WORK FOR HARVEY WEINSTEIN.
>>> WEINSTEIN, WHO HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF MULTIPLE COUNTS OF
SOUTH CAROLINAUAL ASSAULT IS GOING TO EUROPE FOR SEX REHAB.
HE DOESN'T NEED SEX REHAB. WE NEEDS A SPECIALIZED FACILITY
WHERE THERE ARE NO WOMEN, NO CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD,
METAL BARS, AND IT'S A PRISON. >> YOU KNOW,S THAT TOUGH SPOT
FOR A COMEDIAN BECAUSE IT'S SO HARD TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT SEXUAL
SAUCHLT BUT IT'S SO EASY TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT A GUY THAT LOOKS
LIKE THIS. I MEAN HE LOOKS LIKE CHEWED
BUBBLE GUM ROLLED IN CAT HAIR. WEINSTEIN TOLD REPORTERS THAT HE
WAS SEEKING HELP, AND ADDED WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.
NAH, MAN, A MISTAKE IS ME WALKING INTO THE WRONG BATHROOM
AND USING IT ANYWAY BECAUSE I WAS CROWNING.
BUT YOU, YOU ASSAULTED DOZENS OF WOMEN.
THAT'S NOT A MISTAKE. THAT'S A FULL SEASON OF LAW AND
ORDER. IT IS A VERB NOW.
AS IF THIS GUY TRIES TO WEINSTEIN ME I'M GOING TO CUT
OFF A LITTLE HARVEY. DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE A WELL
DRESSED SKIN TAG. >> AFTER ISSUING A SERIES OF
EXECUTIVE ORDERS DESIGNED TO DISMANTLE THE HEALTH CARE ACT
PRESIDENT TWEETED OBAMACARE IS IMPLODING.
YOU CAN'T SAY IT'S IMPLODING WHEN YOU ARE ACTIVELY DESTROYING
IT. GODZILLA NEVER TWEETED TOKYO IS
TOTALLY IMPLODING NOW. I ALONE CAN SOLVE.
EXPERTS ARE WORRIED TRUMP ACTIONS TO DESTABILIZE OBAMACARE
MARKETS WHICH BRINGS THE NUMBER OF THINGS TRUMP HAS DESTABILIZE
UP TO ALL OF THEM. BUT THIS IS WHAT TRUMP DOES.
HE JUST MESSES EVERYTHING UP AND THEN JUST ROLLS AWAY LIKE AN OLD
LADY NOTHING OVER A WINE DISPLAY WITH A RASCAL SCOOTER.
HE DOESN'T CARE IF OTHER PEOPLE GET HURMT HE JUST KEEPS MOVING
ASK. THEN WE HEAR, CLEAN UP ON AISLE
PUERTO RICO AUDIO. >> DURING A SIGNING CEREMONY FOR
HIS EXECUTIVE ORDERS ON HEALTH CARE HE WALKED AWAY OUT SIGNING
IT. GOOD OLD MIKE PENCE WAS THERE TO
REMIND THE TEACHER SHE FORGOT TO ASSIGN HOMEWORK.
SEVERAL AIDES SAY TRUMP IS UNRAVELING AND LOSING A STEP.
OKAY. BUT AT WHAT POINT WES EVER IN
STEP. FROM HERE IT'S BEEN LIKE NINE
MONTHS OF WATCHING A INDICATE TRYING TO WALK IN SHOES.
DURING SPEECH YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT TONS OF FUN SAID THIS.
>> YOU KNOW WE ARE GETTING NEAR THAT BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS SEASON
THAT PEOPLE DON'T TALK ABOUT ANYMORE.
THEY DON'T USE THE WORD "CHRISTMAS" BECAUSE IT'S NOT
POLITICALLY CORRECT. WELL, GUESS WHAT.
WE'RE SAYING MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN.
>> DUDE, PEOPLE SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME.
MY DELI GUY IS MUSLIM, AND HE SAYS MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERY TIME
HE MAKES ME A HAM SANDWICH. YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T WANT TO
SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYMORE BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THAT TRUMP
SUPPORTERS ALWAYS WANT US TO BE SPECIFIC WHEN IT'S ABOUT STUFF
THAT'S IMPORTANT TO THEM. IT CAN'T BE HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
IT HAS TO BE MERRY CHRISTMAS. IT CAN'T BE SAVE THE PLANET.
IT HAS TO BE AMERICA FIRST. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEBODY WANTS TO
STANDS UP FOR BLACK PEOPLE OR GUY GAYS OR WOMEN, THEY ARE LIKE
HEY WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW WHAT -- [ APPLAUSE ]
DON'T THINK OF IT AS ME SAYING HAPPY HOLIDAYS ANYMORE, THINK OF
IT AS ME SAYING, ALL HOLIDAYS MATTER.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> IN A PRESS CONFERENCE,
PRESIDENT TRUMP CONTINUED TO QUESTION THE LEGITIMACY OF
NETWORK NEWS SAYING IT'S FRANKLY DISGUSTING THE PRESS IS ABLE TO
WRITE WHATEVER IT WANTS TO WRITE.
ALTHOUGH I THINK IF THE MEDIA COULD WRITE WHATEVER THEY
WANTED, THEY WOULD HAVE REPORTED HILLARY CLINTON IS NEXT
PRESIDENT. MILITARY FIRST ANNOUNCED THEY
WILL INCREASE MISSIONS TO TRAIN ADVISE AND ASSIST TROOPS IN THE
AFRICAN NATION OF NOOIKS NIGER. THE FOCUS ON NIGER IS VIEWED AS
A DETECTIVE REFERENCE TO PRESIDENT TRUMP'S AUTO CORRECT.