I find myself sometimes and particularly recently in situation where I know I give my true self all
right my ego comes up quite obviously and strongly and it's a situation with a certain character of
person that is quite forceful and kind of I would describe us as a bully and I immediately go into
there is something wrong with this person I immediately go into the person something
wrong with you with no something wrong with the other person both and in the moment I completely
respond from that ego and I completely believed the story that there is something wrong with me
and this this has been a pattern in my life because I had it similarly when I was a kid
with my brother who was quite older than me and there was a I can see it coming back and so this
particular situation that I'm in the middle of right now I actually even invited in because I
recognized there is something in there for me to see that I'm not it almost it's like shining the
light into the creatures on the bottom of the well and so I felt that it was time to deal with this
creature which now looks like a monster when it comes up and so my question is it's kind of
twofold I would really like to know how to stay in that true self and what worries that I'm not
seeing here there is something that's escaping me which I guess is the reason why the pattern
keeps coming back and I keep dealing with it in the same way which is not very productive at all
when you say how can I stay in the true-self you give the sense that staying in the true-self is
something that needs to be maintained with effort and you want to know what effort you
need to make and how much effort you need to make in order to stay there and it's because
you think like that about yourself that you feel you have to make an effort to stay there
you can't it's what you are there's no question of staying there or not it's what you are it's
what you are now it's what you always are yes and yeah I see I see that I lose sight of that
and as you walk around here during the day or to join your life how much effort do you have
to make relatively speaking to stay located in your body no effort no effort it doesn't
matter what what what clothes you dress up in each morning it doesn't matter what activities
you you undertake doesn't matter what you encounter in the world you never have to
make an effort to be yourself by yourself in this case I mean relatively speaking your body
you may forget from time to time that you are yourself so if you do forget that you're so all
you need to do is remember yourself but you don't have to make any effort to stay there
you just keep reminding yourself and each time you remind yourself each time you go
back to yourself you you erode the old pattern of forgetting yourself or allowing your experience
to vale on yourself and after a while you just begin to feel yourself at peace in yourself
doesn't mean say you always have a broad smile on your face or you always go around singing and
dancing you your your life circumstances may be may be difficult you may have to deal with them
they may be challenging there but behind that or an in the heart of that you feel your essential
self and and it's innate peace although on the surface of your life there may be disturbances
there may be difficult situations there may be conflicting relationships they may be grief or
last I'm not suggesting that that all of that just goes away but but all of that continues
more or less it diminishes gradually but it's been it continues but underneath all of that
you feel just this the quiet presence of your own being when I answered Stewart's question I
feel this 95 percent that I don't mean to imply that I'm I live in a bed of roses and I go ran
singing and dancing all the time no I meant that this just this quiet presence of my own being is
eclipsed by fewer and fewer experiences in my life I still have challenging situations to
deal with as does anybody but they increasingly situations increasingly lose their capacity to
avail this innate peace sometimes this innate peace bubbles over as laughter and dancing
and then it's more expressed I see even a mom once said happiness is peace in motion pieces
happiness at rest so sometimes this piece bubbles over in the form of happiness and joy but when
it's not bubbling it's just felt as peace in the background or at the heart of experience
yes so um so what I'm understanding is
it is it is likely that I will forget it will it will very likely still happen and just as as
soon as I remember yes and do whatever you need to remind yourself often and each time you walk
yourself back to yourself you will Road the old habit of forgetting until you begin to feel that
you live in yourself you don't just visit yourself from time to time you begin to feel you've moved
in and then you begin to feel the fewer and fewer situations some circumstances have the capacity
to pull you out or pull you away or take you away from yourself yes they are you were sold so so for
instance sorry to interrupt is going back to this recurring theme in your life of being dominated
or bullied by by a forceful character which in the past has kind of overwhelmed you it's caught
it's caused you to collapse so at some point this you may still encounter these experiences you may
still attract these kinds of experiences but you begin to feel that there is something in your self
that is no longer able to be manipulated no longer able to be overwhelmed or bullied so even in the
face of this behaviour you feel that something in you remains intact unscathed undisturbed
and that if you feel that you will be surprised what a powerful message it will send to the one
who is treating you in this forceful way something of the peace of your being will communicate itself
subliminally to this person and it will have an effect on their behaviour to a degree depending
on the person yes and I'm pretty glad you say that because I had not realized or remember that that's
starting to happen in a very small scale and and it confirms for me that it's this is even though
it is sometimes painful but it's good to invite it back because I know if I didn't know that there's
something in in here that who I really am is not cannot be harmed I would not invite it I would not
invite this person back in my life I see well but you also have to be careful don't you you
shouldn't feel that because there is something in me that is unharmed therefore I should be able to
tolerate any kind of behaviour be careful that you don't use this understanding to allow yourself to
remain in an abusive relationship even with this untime there is a case for for saying to someone
this behaviour is not acceptable I'm no longer willing to live in a relationship that is abusive
in this way and it's it's reasonable to walk away from it yeah I'm sure many of you here or some of
you here anyway I've told I've heard the story I sometimes tell francis's there's a story that
Francis used to tell him a was a question he was asked by a woman who was an elderly woman who was
sitting on a bench on Hampstead Heath in North London and there were some youths playing around
her being obnoxious and using foul language and she was sitting there thinking that there
is feeling that there was something in herself that is untouched by all this obnoxious behavior
in this foul language and really that she should be able to sit there in perfect peace and unmoved
or concerned with any of it and eventually after 20 minutes or so she couldn't bear it any longer
and she got up in there and she said the front is what would have been the enlightened response and
Francis said to have moved sooner so it's it's good that you're your primary intention is to
remain in touch with the imperturbable peace of your own being but this does not mean that you
cannot take appropriate actions in your life and if you are in a in a and I'm not suggesting you're
in an abusive relationship but if you were in a relationship that was in some ways abusive and
you do everything you can to to to to to work with that to bring the relationship more in line with
love and understanding but at a certain point there is a time for saying I'm sorry I've tried
everything and I've tried everything once I've tried everything twice I've tried everything three
times it's not working that's it I'm off I'm not willing to to it is beneath the dignity of myself
not myself a person but it is beneath the dignity of myself the divine being that I know I am and
beneath the dignity of you yourself to behave in this way and I'm no longer willing to tolerate it
yes and it's a business relationship and yeah if that happens that I need to say this is it
I would like to do it from a place of love Grover come from a reactive yes yes okay you do it you're
quite right do it from a place of love not from a place of reaction but that doesn't necessarily
mean you'll do it with a sweet smile on your face you may depending on the the person you
may have to say it firmly as a sweet smile may not be enough to get the message across your behaviour
is not in line with love justice integrity honesty truth and I'm no longer willing to tolerate it and
of course if it's a business relationship then it has implications so and it's also absolutely
legitimate to take into account the consequences of your actions and so that you have to I'm not
suggesting you just go back to work and walk out the next day you have to tailor this understanding
to to your situation but but yes whether it's an intimate relationship a business relationship
whatever kind of relationship obviously you do your very best to bring love and understanding
to bear on the situation but when you've done your very best and if it's a close relationship
we have to do our very best not just once but two twice and three times but when we've really done
our very best there comes a time when we say I've done everything it's time to separate thank you