- Today, you're going to learn
how to give positive feedback,
specifically how to give genuine compliments.
This works in a workplace situation,
but works really in any kind of relationship.
And we are in video number four in a seven-part series.
I'm here with my good friend, Dr. Julien Mirivel.
We co-wrote a book together
called "Positive Communication for Leaders,"
and this video series is based upon that book,
which is based upon a model of positive communication
that Julien developed several years back.
In part, leadership is about creating an environment
in which people feel valued, respected, and engaged.
And one of the best ways
to create that is by giving more positive feedback.
Our approach in this video is to show you
how to give genuine compliments to build relationships
and enhance employee and organizational performance.
Complimenting is one of the six key behaviors
in Julien's positive model of communication.
- In the model of positive communication,
we argued that complimenting affects people's sense of self.
It affects not just who they are in the moment,
their identity,
but it more importantly impacts who they're going to become.
Complimenting is a powerful form
of giving positive feedback,
because one, it's the most direct way
of telling another person who they are and how we see them.
It also identifies specifically good performance
or great performance.
And then, it shapes the other person,
their sense of self, their identities.
Positive feedback, complimenting, and recognition
drive toward lots of benefits for leaders,
many of which we mention in the book.
Consider several facts
from the most up-to-date research we have on this topic.
The most compelling driver
of an employee's performance
is the quality of the relationship
that they have with their immediate supervisor.
Focusing on strength is going to improve performance,
whereas focusing on weaknesses,
which is going to undermine performance.
And then, finally, employees consider recognition
for a job well done,
respectful treatment, and coaching and feedback,
more important than pay across the board.
- Let's make this even more personal right now.
Take a moment to reflect on your experience
as an employee, some kind of follower
when you've been in that role.
What is one compliment you've received
in your professional career
that has meant a great deal to you?
Who gave you this compliment and how did it affect you?
And the short-term and the long-term?
And you may even wanna take a moment
to write down exactly what was said,
so you can see the words, see the message.
You may notice that as you remember this and write it down
and bring it to mind right now,
it can start to create some of the positive feelings
that you felt at the time.
- Let's give you our own illustration.
Here's a compliment that I received
that made a very positive impact on me
and my professional development.
Years ago when I was a young professor
at the university on a Friday afternoon
around four o'clock, I received a phone call.
I picked up the phone and I said, hi,
this is Julien Mirivel, how can I help you?
On the other hand was David Belcher,
who was at the time, the provost of the university,
the chief academic officer.
And he's giving me a call.
He says, "You know, Julien, I'm about to become chancellor
and I'm moving and transitioning to a new university,
but I wanted to make a few phone calls
to people I really believe in on campus.
And I want you to know that you're an extraordinary teacher,
an extraordinary scholar,
and you are going to be an amazing leader
for this institution.
I cannot wait to see
what you're gonna do in the next 10 years."
That compliment really impacted me,
not just in that moment, but for years to come.
- And you can see how a sincere compliment
from David Belcher influenced Julien.
He remembers it to this day.
It wasn't just shaping how he felt in the moment.
It shaped how he saw himself moving forward in the future.
And in the same way, now imagine the kind of impact
you can have by giving sincere compliments
to the followers and employees who you work with.
The bottom line of this video is we want you
to start giving more compliments to the people around you.
Look for ways to reach out
and give them some positive feedback like that.
So, what can you give compliments about?
Let's give it even more hands-on for you right now.
Start by focusing on two key areas
where people generally want
to feel those compliments come their way.
The first is that we all have a need
to be seen by others as competent.
The second is,
we need to feel appreciated, liked, and valued.
So, those are two areas
that you can give other people compliments.
So, right now,
think of an actual person in your professional life.
Reflect on when you have seen them at their best in terms
of what they might be demonstrating their competence for.
So, maybe you saw them,
for example, doing a great presentation.
Perhaps you saw them
handle a difficult situation well during a meeting.
Now, in the same way, think about a compliment
that you may communicate to them
that shows that you like them and appreciate them.
Now, keep in mind you have to give appropriate compliments.
This is a workplace setting after all.
We don't recommend, for example,
you give other people compliments about their appearance.
That can often come off the wrong way.
But you can give them compliments
about how you feel about them in terms
of you appreciate them and you like them.
For example, Julien just the other day, sent me a text
about how much he enjoys working
on this video series together and on our book together
that we collaborated on for a couple years.
He's really good at that.
So, the key to these compliments is being sincere.
This can't be calculated
like you're doing it to get something from them.
Genuine compliments are the most direct way
to give positive feedback to people
and shape how they see themselves.
- Let's take some action today.
Step one, take a minute to identify one person
you work with that could really benefit from a compliment.
This person could be a peer, a supervisor,
or simply a subordinate,
somebody who you work with every day.
Step two, consider these questions
to draft your very own meaningful compliment.
When have you seen this person at their best?
When have you recently seen this person do something special
or even make an important contribution?
And more importantly, you can ask
what strength do you see in them on a consistent basis?
Once you've answered these questions,
you move on to step three.
You craft your compliment.
When drafting your compliment,
make sure to identify a specific example
of when you saw the person do something great
and explain how what they did
has led to positive outcome on the basis of their strength.
Let me share with you a compliment
that I've been drafting for Alex,
who's really been influential
in our ability to write the book,
but also make great progress
in our own personal and professional lives.
Working with you, Alex,
is an absolute highlight of my career.
You're kind, you're generous, you're ethical,
and you're so energizing in everything that you do.
I'm inspired by what you are doing
and who you are as a person and a professional every day.
And more importantly, you've helped to make the book
that we wrote together, concrete and practical,
and you always kept refining it
until it was something that we were both really proud of.
In short, I'm thankful for our friendship
and I'm thankful for your leadership.
Thanks, my friend.
- Thank you.
I don't wanna pause for too long here,
'cause we're in the middle of a video,
but I really appreciate that, Julien.
- So, once you've crafted your compliment,
you have to move to step four,
because we have to let people know how we feel.
And that's step four. Step four is deliver your compliment.
Research shows that the most meaningful way
of delivering a compliment is to do it in-person,
because it's the most memorable.
If you cannot do that, if that's not possible,
feel free to express your compliment
maybe in a personal written note.
Either way, and as we explain in the book,
the most important part
of complimenting is communicating it.
- Now, the reason we're emphasizing that last point
is because here's an interesting fact.
Professionals often don't compliment their people
even when they think positively about them.
And they don't do it for three reasons.
The first reason is they think positive thoughts,
but don't bother to say them out loud.
Second reason is they expect
that the interaction will be awkward when they express it.
And the third is they simply don't think
that it's important enough to acknowledge others aloud.
In other words, you personally
may have to push yourself to compliment others.
In a study, only 50% of the participants
who actually prepared a written compliment
followed through and delivered it,
and we hope that you are in that 50%.
So, we're encouraging you to actually deliver the compliment
and begin to give more compliments
as a result of watching this video.
People don't have access
merely to what you think and how you feel.
They can't see that.
They only have access
to what you actually do and actually say aloud.
And that's why communicating the compliment is so important.
So, make sure you're in that top 50% who communicate it.
- As a leader, you need to use every opportunity you have
to strengthen the people you work with,
to build them up and prepare them for their future.
And we hope that using what you're learning in this video,
you can apply this principle
and seize those opportunities at every moment.
- This is the fourth video
in a series of seven that we're making
that breakdown all of these skills in the book
on "Positive Communication for Leaders",
that you can check out on Amazon.
Also, there's a free nine-day mini email class
that you can sign up for.
We'll put links to that.
And please feel free to leave comments below.
We look forward to reading them.
In the next video, we go into the topic of self-disclosure
for leaders in the workplace,
which is a really challenging one.
We hope you tune in for that.
Until then, thanks, God bless, and we'll see you soon.