- [Reviewer] Badadadada badadadada baaah.
Rick grabs a fresh road note, hot from the oven
because there's nothing Ricky G. Loves more
than reading and walking at the same time.
This is actually really impressive.
Rick figured out a way
to give his rambling motivational update speeches
from miles away.
He writes it on paper, then you do the rambling for him
inside your head.
That's peak Grimes efficiency.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled long ass Rick speech
about what we've done and the way things are now
to bring you naked arts and crafts at the junkyard.
All right, very cool.
Maggie and Gregory scold Jesus
for feeding the unwanted prisoners,
not realizing he's basically torturing these poor guys
by making them eat warm rotten turnips.
Jerry has a fresh ax and a spiffy new jacket,
but he's slacking a bit on his duties as security guard.
He's not really securing or guarding.
Just kinda standing there bummed out
like a dude who valets cars at Medievel Times
and realized 12 minutes ago he's never going
to do anything meaningful with his life.
Oh my God, I forgot how annoying it is
to hear these people talk, it is the worst.
At what point in the zombie apocalypse
did they decide this is their thing?
It is such a bad thing.
I'm guessing they landed on the talking thing
some time after they agreed
on the naked arts and crafts thing.
It feels like it's easier to get a group on board
with anything involving nudity.
Then they'll agree to whatever else they have to
to keep it going.
And why is Rick even there
after they stabbed him in the back?
Sorry, grazed him in the side.
Rick shows them he means business
by pulling out a tiny stack of blurry photos
and yelling an everyone in the back to examine them closely.
If you look at the fourth picture, the one with the sunset,
I think you'll really appreciate the composition.
I worked very hard on these.
But, Rick's vacation of murder slideshow
is not enough to make these smelly traitors trust him.
- Talks too much.
- [Reviewer] And she's right.
That stack of photos was worth 6000 words.
This gritty reboot of Drop Dead Fred sucks.
It lacks all the fun of the 1991 original.
Plus, I don't think that guy's imaginary
and his name's not even Fred, hard pass.
Gregory calling Maggie Margaret was delightful.
Like he was trying to mansplain her own name to her.
I also love Gregory telling Maggie to listen to her gut
when she's already got an occupant in there.
Stop trying to occupy her gut real estate Greg,
that seats taken.
Then, Gregory solidifies his place
in the White People Hall of Fame
with this kick-like maneuver, woof.
We finally get an adventure
that's just two gals on the road.
It's the story of female empowerment
we've been waiting all season for.
So, what are these two independent women up to?
Looks like one of them has a headache
and now they're going to check out the opera.
Really groundbreaking stuff.
Carl creeps up on this bootleg American Beauty kid
with a shitty lunch and even shittier hat
and the worst fucking haircut of all time.
He nails the lunch toss
with that signature Carl performance we've come to expect.
That dumb kid, the one Carol specifically told
not to follow her, decided to follow her, why?
Because kids are dumb and a lot
of compelling evidence in the scientific community
suggests they're also stupid as hell.
This child appears to be unfamiliar with Carol's score
for keeping his peers alive.
She's roughly 0 for 37.
All right little buddy, here's a loaded gun.
You might as well use it as a toothbrush because
this hero's journey is not going to end well for you.
Maggie mercifully marches her prisoners
towards their new home.
When she gets the great idea to add one more.
Awesome idea Mags.
See how I made your name shorter instead of longer?
That's what real friends do.
Wow, Gregory, I'm not sure if you're aware,
but you are currently crying like a biiiiiiitch right now.
And, that's biiiiiiitch spelled with seven Is.
Please double check the captions on this video
to make sure they spelled biiiiiiitch right, with seven Is,
then let me know in the comments if they spelled it right.
Because this series is only as good as the viewers
who feel the need to constantly fucking correct me.
Why does this guy insist on provoking everyone?
Specifically, enemies with guns.
The exact group of people you never wanna provoke.
It's almost like this asshole wants to die.
Don't do it, you've got so much to live for
like locking down the Worst Haircut on TV Emmy
as soon as Carl bites it.
Carl and his new pal Siddiq are
on their way to a Mensa meeting when they decide
to ambush some peaceful zombies
in honor of Siddiq's mom or whatever.
I'm sorry, what?
Excuse me, just why?
This is so dumb and unnecessary.
This zombie, who escaped from one of Siddiq's traps,
really drives that point home.
I don't usually say this,
but I am fully team zombie in this altercation.
Carl's really taking the whole adolescent rebellion thing
to a new level.
Adopting a guy his dad almost killed.
Just throw a house party when he's out of town
or steal the family car and drive to Zombie McDonald's
like a normal kid.
Wow, very nice work Rosita.
Let's see that again.
You know what, I'm gonna need to see that one more time.
Okay, now I need to see it four more times at the same time.
That's good television.
I get wanting to use a rocket launcher
on the first thing you see as soon as you pick it up.
I've played multiple resident evil games.
I fucking get it, but maybe Rosita
should've used the rocket launcher on that car
they were trying to stop.
I mean, now that car is on its way to the Saviors
and there's nothing anybody can do to,
boom, Daryl out of nowhere.
I know what you're thinking.
Where did he come from?
How did he know to hit the car?
What the actual fuck is going on right now?
Well, questions are for nerds
and if you keep talking like that,
someone's gonna shove you in a locker.
Jerry somehow got worse at his security guard job.
This time, giving a crazy woman with a shotgun
a heads up that the door is unlocked.
Ezekiel dropped the accent
and is now sitting on the floor of the stage,
holding a chain and delivering a self-loathing monologue.
It's like he traded one
bad community theater project for another.
Carol tells Ezekiel to stop being such a Mr. Mopeypants
and to start acting like everything is normal.
And, even though the lack of a tiger
should help Ezekiel pretend like things are normal,
Zeke confesses he is currently unable
to stop being such a Mr. Mopeypants.
Aaron delivers a beautiful and touching speech
about how much he misses T-Dog
and how difficult life has been since T-Dog left us.
Maggie agrees and says she also knows the pain
of waking up every day trying
to fill a T-Dog sized hole in your heart.
Then, she promises to kill a bunch of men
while gently holding her training baby.
Tune in next week.
Will Carl and Siddiq make it home?
Unfortunately, yes.
Who will die next?
It looks like Aaron and Enid were the last names pulled
from the Writers Room Hat of Unlikely Buddy Pairs.
My money's on the young lady.
What will happen to Rick and the garbage people?
Rick's laying low until arts and crafts time.
He's already got his uniform on.
None of this and more next time on The Walking Dead.