DISCOROLLER SKATER, PLEASE WELCOME AMERICA'S SWEETHEART
BRYAN CRANSTON.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> THIS SAY BEAUTIFUL THEATER.
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL.
>> JUST GORGEOUS.
>> Stephen: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LUCKY WE ARE BE TO IN THIS
THEATER.
>> DID YOU GET RID OF ALL THE GHOSTS THOUGH?
>> Stephen: OH NO, NO, NO.
WE THIS ALL UNION, YOU CAN'T GET RID OF THEM.
>> THAT SAY NICE GHOST JOB.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> YOU TOO.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET TIME OFF, DOES BRYAN CRANSTON EVER
GET TIME OFF.
>> I HAVE A LITTLE BEACHHOUSE IN CALIFORNIA AND THERE IS A
BEAUTIFUL LITTLE COMMUNITY UP THERE THAT WE LIVE IN.
AND WE HAVE A CHILI COOKOFF AND THE KIDS PAINT THEIR FACES AND
RIDE DOWN THE ONE STREET, YOU KNOW, AND GUYS ON STILTS.
>> Stephen: NORMAN ROCKWELL PAINTS PORTRAITS EVERY DAY.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: FOR THE FOURTH, ARE YOU ALLOWED TO HAVE
FIREWORKS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUS I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA
WHICH IS LIKE, HEY, COME BLOW YOUR FINGERS OFF T IS FUN.
THAT IS THE STATE MOTO.
IT SOUNDS BETTER IN LATIN.
>> IT FITS PERFECTLY ON THE LICENSE PLATE.
THE FIRST YEAR THAT WE BOUGHT THIS LITTLE PLACE I WANTED TO
EXTEND A THANK YOU TO MY NEIGHBORS WHO WERE SO KIND.
AND THE FOURTH OF JULY WAS COMING UP.
AND I THOUGHT I AM GOING TO BUY AND SECRETLY SHIP TO CALIFORNIA
$700 WORTH OF FIREWORKS.
>> Stephen: WHERE DID YOU GET THEM?
>> I BOUGHT THEM IN NEW MEXICO WHEN I WAS DOING THIS SHOW
CALLED "BREAKING BAD."
>> Stephen: I HAVE HEARD OF IT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: YOU GAVE ME THE SCARY LOOK THERE.
>> THAT'S THE LOOK.
THERE IT IS, OKAY.
UH-HUH.
>> SO I SMUGGLED IT INTO CALIFORNIA AND I THOUGHT, DURING
OUR CHILI COOKOFF, I FORGOT TO TELL THE REST OF THE FOLKS, HEY
WE'RE HAVING FIREWORKS.
COME ON OVER OR SEE THEM FROM THE PATIO.
THEY WILL SEE THEM ANYWAY.
SO I WAS SETTING UP, MY WHOLE THING.
I GOT THE PUNK LIGHT, YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING ISED ARE.
AND I GOT MY FAMILY OUT THERE IN THE CHAIRS.
AND I SAID I'M GOING TO WAIT UNTIL IT GETS DARK.
IT GETS DARK.
I HEARD THERE WERE SOME OTHER FIREWORKS SO I WILL JUST
ALTERNATE.
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE OVER THE SHOW.
SO I LIGHT ONE.
-- (LAUGHTER)
ALL RIGHT, BINGE.
EE, H, IT'S LIKE OH, DOWN THE ROAD THEY START THEIR FIREWORKS.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!
I MEAN REAL FIREWORKS.
THEY MUST HAVE SPENT $20,000 ON THE FIREWORKS.
SO MY FAMILY IS LEFT TO JUST RIDICULE ME.
AND JUST LAUGH AND SAY COME ON, BRYAN, LIT SOME MORE, LIGHT SOME
MORE.
>> Stephen: SOME OF THEM HAVE REALLY GREAT NAMES FOR THE
FIREWORKS LIKE WHERE I COME FROM, THEY ALL HAVE LIKE CIVIL
WAR CONNOTATIONS LIKE THE BUNDLES FIREWORKS YOU MIGHT SAY
DIKESIE'S REVENGE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON THE SIDE.
OR THE BATTLE OF FORT SUMPSTER, THIS TIME WE WIN.
DID YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE TO CELEBRATE LIKE.
>> WE ALSO HAVE A BEACH GAMES.
WHICH IS SO MUCH FUN.
WHERE KIDS AND ADULTS GET A TEAM TOGETHER AND THEY, THERE IS A
SWIM, THERE IS A PADDLE.
>> Stephen: LIKE AN IRONMAN.
>> A KAYAK.
>> AND THERE IS ROLLING A HUGE BEACH BALL DOWN.
IT'S FUN.
>> Stephen: I THINK THIS IS WHAT THE-- WITHIN THE FORE
FATHERS DID.
>> Stephen: NO, THE NAVY SEALS.
>> AND THEN THE NAVY CEILINGS ALSO STOPPED FOR A WATERMELON
EATING CONTEST.
POWERING THROUGH THAT.
AND I WAS THE ANCHOR LEG ON MY TEAM.
WE A ESSENTIALED A TEAM OF MI DAUGHTER AND NEICE AND HER
FRIEND CALLED MASTERS OF STUPIDITY.
AND I DO WANT TO GO ON RECORD TO SAY WE WEREN'T AMATEURS AT
STUPIDITY.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
YOU PUT A LOT OF TRAINING TOO IT.
>> YES.
SO I GRABBED THE BOARD, IT'S A PADDLE BOARD, SURFBOARD, YOU GOT
TO PADDLE AROUND A BUOY AND COME BACK.
I'M GOING LIKE CRAZY.
I JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT HAVE I ARTHRITIS IN BOTH SHOULDERS AS
I'M GOING OUT THERE, I'M GOING WHY!
WHY?
IT'S SO PAINFUL.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT.
>> SO PAINFUL.
I DISN KNOW WHY I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS.
ARE YOU GOING TO PADDLE OUT THERE.
YEAH, YEAH, SO I'M PADDLING OUT THERE, AND I'M IN SUCH PAIN AND
I LOOK UP AND I SEE THIS WAVE COME AT ME.
AND IT'S LIKE OH NO.
NO!
SO I PREPARING TO DIVE UNDER THE WAVE BUT HI THIS SURFBOARD WHICH
I DIDN'T LEASH BECAUSE THERE IS NO TIME IN A RACE.
AND SO I DIVE UNDER WITH THE SURFBOARD, SURFBOARD GOES
FLYING, NEARLY HITS A COUPLE KIDS.
AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT ME LIKE, REALLY?
THAT'S WHAT YOU BROUGHT TO THE PICNIC HERE, REALLY?
SO WEACAME IN LAST PLACE.
>> Stephen: OH.
>> AND WE RETAINED OUR TITLE OF MASTERS OF STUPIDITY.
>> Stephen: SURE, EXCELLENT, CONGRATULATIONS.