The Mystery of the Female Purse. Okay?
All the guys are like…
What, bro?
What's this shit? Let's talk about biceps.
No, I need to talk about this.
Cause we guys don't understand. And, I'm doing a public service.
And, it's a real purse, guys. It's not computer graphics.
It's a real bag.
And… and it has a very strong...
design choice.
Which is to mock rag pickers.
Okay, so… I was like every time…
I come across a purse,
most guys don't know how to deal with it.
I'm very…
I'm comfortable with my sexuality.
So, I'm fine holding a bag. It doesn't mean anything.
I'm surprised… I went on some dates and…
I offered to hold her bag.
And she was like… really?
Are we in India right now?
It was a big deal.
And she was like... Are you okay holding my bag?
I'm like, “Yeah, cause it's heavy.” She's like, “Okay. Fine”
No, seriously. I found it weird.
Because earlier, when I was 19…
I didn't know how to deal with someone…
When a girls says, “Hey, hold my bag.”
And, obviously...
you don't know how to hold a bag.
So, you're holding it and you don't know whether you should wear it...
What if you pull it off better than her.
You know.
What if?
But, then...
there are times when I freak out.
When she wants me...
to take something from her purse.
That terrified me.
When I was 19.
Okay.
I'll be holding the bag, I'm fine.
But, she's like, "Hey Kenny, give me the lip balm."
From my purse.
I'm like, "Why should I give you..."
the lip balm
from your purse?
She's saying, 'coz you're next to it. Shit!
Where... where... where...
is the lip balm
in your purse?
Oh, its in the zip, next to the other zip.
Which is next to a hollow Grand Canyon.
Next to the depths of my soul.
Oh, there.
I thought it was empty. Okay.
Oh!
And... It's okay. It's a joke.
It's not there.
And...
And now, I'm comfortable with it.
I think the one thing guys are super scared about finding...
is a pad.
Guys, don't freak out.
It's 2017.
Guys. Guys. All the guys here.
Women...
Have...
You can say the word.
It's fine. It's a safe environment.
Why? Why are you getting scared?
It's 2017.
Women have...
Periods. Oh, good job.
Big round of applause.
You know what this is, right?
Yeah? I won't ask your name. Don't worry.
Because if your name goes out...
and the public knows.
That you said, "Women have periods."
No one's going to marry you.
Yeah?
So...
Women have periods.
And they use this...
To?
To hold it?
And feel better?
No.
Om Prakash, no.
They put it...
(Audience member): Inside their underpants.
Inside their underpants. Good.
That's...
You were scared to say...
Underwear.
So, you went for the formal version. Underpants.
Cause she's an independent working woman.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It's just a pad. Nothing else.
Want to catch it?
It's fine. It's just a pad. It won't hurt you.
Oh. I'm sorry.
It has wings. So...
It didn't... it didn't...
I might need it later, no?
Yeah. So, it's...
Yeah, so, that's the first thing you're scared of finding.
Om Prakash.
So, what if there's a pad?
Now, there're a lot of fun things.
The most fascinating thing about a purse,
is that if the purse is old enough,
and she's been through a lot of experiences,
she goes through this amazing beautiful process...
called childbirth.
Which there's... a little baby wallet inside.
'Coz when the mom is old like...
Child, I can't go out today.
I can't go out today.
So, the kid is like, "I'll go."
Child. - What?
Don't be late.
Mom!
I'll be fine.
I love you.
So, there's a baby wallet.
In case of emergencies.
Which is...
The purse for men.
This is our while life.
This is...
Actually, smaller than this. Half of this.
Because guys will immediately judge you...
if your purse is anything...
if your wallet is anything...
anything bigger than normal size.
Okay? Which is contradictory.
Because guys talk... love talking about big sizes. So...
So, the only part... No,bro. My wallet is tiny, man.
So, but...
We would love... we would love to have a purse 'coz we love carrying shit.
You know. Women carry a purse because they like to be prepared all the time.
Prepared.
They're like... what if I sleep over at a friend's place?
Correct?
What if I sleep over at a place? So, they'll carry an extra t shirt.
They'll carry an extra pair of underpants.
Good job there, Om Prakash.
You know.
She'll carry her lens solution.
If she owns the Hubble Telescope.
You know, she'll do all that.
Guys also love sleeping over. Yeah?
Like men.
Not on the same bed.
We sleep on the floor.
But, we also want to carry another t shirt. But, we can't.
'Coz, then we have to carry a backpack.
Which is a lot of work.
Okay? But, if you're like a 26-year-old adult,
You look like an idiot. You look like a student.
But, you have... like you...
You come to someone's house. Hey, why do you have a bag?
I've to carry my essentials.
So, you have...
You can... We wish but now, society won't let us.
So, yeah.
There's obviously chocolate in here.
There's lot of chocolate.
Oh, now I know what you go through.
Where is it? Half eaten chocolate, of course.
Yeah. This is...
This is one bad period she's gone through.
In general. In general.
It's crazy.
'Coz you're walking with a girl, and she's talking. She'll suddenly turn and...
Where did that come from?
From a worm hole?
Just... and...
Yeah, shades.
All women have shades.
'Coz in case they're abducted and thrown into a safari...
on a desert.
They're like... at least my eyes are protected from UV rays.
And girls do this thing...
Which is so annoying... hey, you wear it. I want to see.
I want to see how you look.
With these female pair of glasses.
Which are huge,
I just want you... I just want...
Please, wear it. Please!
Please wear it, no.
Please, just wear it.
Wear it, please.
Wear, it please. Please.
Please. Please!
Wear it.
Oh my God. You look adorable. Let me take a photo.
Looks like a dumb ass.
Oh okay.
Oh, it's sunscreen.
Sunscreen make up.
Why wear sunscreen...
when you can impress the sun also with your make up.
Sun's like, "Today you're looking pretty shitty."
I don't think i'll waste my UV rays on you.
Oh.
Sanitiser.
Of course you need to have hand sanitiser.
'Coz you touch men, right?
Obviously.
What is this?
Peach hand cream?
What?
Wait. Wait.
Don't these two nullify each other?
No. No.
No? Okay. Explain.
Why?
'Coz you put hand cream. So, there's a coating on your hand, right?
But, then this is...
No, okay. Just because...
So your hands don't get so dry.
So your hands don't get dry.
Yeah.
Maybe it's all the hand sanitiser you are putting on your hand.
The alcohol that's drying out your skin.
So, it's a vicious... yeah.
She's like... oh my God! That's what.
So, I'm not enlightening guys, I'm enlightening women also.
So, it's... it makes it soft.
And moist.
Aw...
But I... (Audience Member) - What is that?
Ye... oh.
Don't act, bro.
You know exactly what this is.
It's Clean and Dry Daily Intimate Wash.
Guys, the women know what this is.
We know what this is right?
I mean, you...
Guys, have you thought...
about the possibility.
that you have to keep your private parts clean?
Apparently it's very important to women.
I don't see the logic.
that you have to hygienically maintain...
your private parts.
So, this is...
Clean and Dry.
This is not what I want from women.
So, anyway, Clean... Clean and...
Yes.
I have made that joke.
This just in - Chai Time show has just gotten dirty.
But, it's interesting.
It... it keeps...
It keeps... it keeps it clean, guys.
It's important.
And I love...
I love how hard this... this bottle is trying to make the woman comfortable.
It's like, "See petals."
It's nice.
If you put one cactus it'll be... Yuck!
So, there's no equivalent thing for guys.
So... there is, sorry. It's H2O.
And presence of mind.
H2O and presence of mind.
I'll just keep you here.
Clean and Dry.
Oh, okay. I forgot the most...
Oh, shit, I completely forgot the hidden compartment.
Where all the 'family property papers' are.
So, there's a secret compartment where you keep the most expensive shit.
Which is...
Not literally.
Shopping bills.
Make up, guys. - Lipstick.
Oh.
Wow.
You know it's make up when it's all cursive handwriting.
So, you've no idea what it spells.
Roller lash.
Oh, wait. I know what this is.
This is...
For your eye lashes? - That's mascara.
Yeah? I know my shit.
I have cousins who put make up on me.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'll admit it. Cause I'm a man who's comfortable with his sexuality.
Whoa! This is not just kajal. It's Colossal Kajal.
Yeah.
You think you like normal kajal?
Here's Colossal Kajal.
Okay. I don't even know how to use this.
Oh, wow. This is...
You have a gift.
I can recognise make up products from 20 feet away.
Hello, this is the CIA.
We need your services.
What could you possibly need me for?
We have a cross dressing terrorist.
Who's putting bombs in make up pouches.
We need you.
I stopped doing that shit years ago.
I have a family now.
Where's the lipstick, dude?
What is this?
You know... you knew what it was.
I shall not reveal my gifts.
It's a gift and a curse.
I'm going to put you in another...
I'm going to put you in another room.
I'll take it out.
Blush.
What is this?
Probably a lip liner.
It's a lip liner?
Okay. I hope I don't break it.
Liner. Eye liner.
Guys are like, "Huh?!"
It looks like the other thing, but it's black.
It's black.
So?
You guys want to eat a burger?
It's awesome. And obviously there are a lot of bills.
There are a lot of bills.
No, to be honest, I don't blame women for this.
'Coz, why the hell do they give these ATM slips, man?
It's so annoying.
I know they should give it to us.
Like, I swipe, and they are like, "Sir, do you want an ATM slip?"
I'm like, "No." And they are like, "Oh?"
So much money you have?
You don't... Then, give it!
Let me throw it. You don't even look at it.
What is it? Like deduct 1 crore.
But, I think the biggest... Like biggest...
Quick fix to any woman is like, this brush.
Which I call the pokey brush.
Which for guys is associated with super head massage comfort.
It's great. Like you do this like...
It's so nice. But...
So, the pokey brush is associated with comfort for guys.
But, for women, it's like...
There are like two types of women.
Okay?
Women who comb their hair like this.
And women who do this.
The brush is like... Ah! What's wrong with you?
She's saying, "I don't care!"
Her knots are removed by bleeding.
I think I've covered everything.
Oh, one more chocolate. Of course.
It's me from the future.
Yeah. That's all. That's all. That's all there is.
Now, the thing is...
I... It is a lot of stuff to carry, but, all this is useful.
Like, I think...
Though I just feel bad...
In one area where... you know a guy can't find his phone.
He has a very short heart attack. Like...
For women, "Oh, where's my phone?"
Na na na, na na na...
Oh, I left it at home.
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