I won't be long, I'm just having a...d...d-d...
...dump...
Relax!
[A sudden puff of glittering smoke]
The date? It's going fine.
D'you think? 'Cause I'm pretty nervous!
We're doing fine.
So...
[cooler smoke. badass smoke]
What the hell are we doing?
So we're having a shit, mid-date, in her house?
[thankfully, silence]
[whispered] It's a nervous poo!
Leave us alone.
[whispered] Thanks.
We're in love.
No. Woah.
I - I can't tell if she's interested. What do you guys think?
I think we need to step it up a notch.
I've got just the ticket
[opens an already open window because fuck continuity]
[cool, sexy gunshots]
Eh?!
Fantastic. Great.
Really?
Yeah, you're a regular Cassanova there, buddy.
Well, I'd say the two buttons open...
...it's just a bit racy, isn't it?
Shut up! The lads are talking.
Oh, I don't really see myself as a "lad"?
I'll just let us in on an old trick of ours.
Just walk out covered in barbecue sauce.
And say something cool, like "sexy barbecue?"
[sexy squirting]
[bottle squeaking pathetically]
Instant boning.
Do you think that...might...work...
[cool guy sounds]
Every time.
Um, well, there are other ways to let her know we're interested.
I'm just worried if marinading ourselves is a bad idea.
Sexy idea! It's a sexy idea.
Why not let her know we're interested by being a good listener?
[Intrigued sounds]
[Fascinated sounds]
Okay...
Right. Yeah. Mm. Yeah.
So, no in between? No middle ground?
[captivated sounds]
Well, I suppose I could try it.
Wait.
What is that?
[dramatic music]
How long has that been there?!
It's lettuce!!
Must have been from the first course!
It's been in there for twenty minutes?!
She's probably been wondering what kind of vegetation we've been cultivating in there!
...Oh god.
She probably didn't know whether to hand us a toothpick or a lawnmower.
No, no, no, no...
Relax. Perhaps she didn't noti--oh my god, what is that?
[ominous zoom]
A stain?! [faints dramatically]
Ohhhh, Bolognaise. That ain't coming out. Same as our wang. With her.
I wasn't expecting that to be an option on the first date, but this is still very terrible!
It's okay. We can still bring it back!
Holy shit...
What?
S P O T!
[evil aura sounds]
[ambient; awestruck]
[silent prayers]
Well, we're fucked!
It's the holy trinity of first date fuckups!
Jesus fucking christ!
We've already lost her, so why not go for broke?
[sexy splurt]
Cut your losses. Just give her a brisk, emotionless handshake and leave.
Take her silverware. You might as well get something out of this evening.
Yeah. Her silverware was exquisite.
Don't write me off just yet. I've got an idea.
Now, it's bold, but I think I can pull it off.
[triumphant music]
[less triumphant music]
Well...
My work here is done.
I though she was the one...
Well...I don't think there'll be a second date...
[amiable laughter]
[bantz sounds]
[the ladz]
[unnecessary fart sound]
Well done you for making it to the end of the video!
I now, like every other bugger on the internet, have a Patreon page.
And I just want to take a second to thank my patrons.
jamiedoesthings,
EB, and Unai.
So if you're like these awesome, amazing, lovely, fantastic people [aw, thanks Will]
and want to help support my videos, then
click that link and head on over to my Patreon page and give me money for making things I enjoy.
There's...perks and shit...
Not actual shit.
Thanks! Bye?
[seriously check out Will's Patreon page and his most recent video, Top 5 Weirdest Alien Diseases]