I want you to start if you don't mind, Angella.
Like, what were your initial responses to this question?
Where you're like, Oh yeah, I feel you or like.
It absolutely sucks. But sometimes it's really great.
But all those feelings are valid.
Like, it sucks. It's great.
It's meh.
It's.
It's everything from 1 to 10.
I feel like maybe 70% of my hookups have been average.
What makes the difference between,
let's just say, average and, quite great?
How you feel about yourself on the day really impacts
how you perform sexually
with someone because it's a really personal.
and vulnerable thing
to just strip your clothes and get into bed with someone.
So sometimes if I'm having a really bad day
or I don't feel good about myself, that affects how
sex is going to be for me.
Or if the person I'm with is really
makes me feel good about myself and makes me feel comfortable,
then that elevates the experience as well.
Bad encounters are things where the person says,
‘you kind of need to leave’. There's better ways
to approach things when you've just bared
your whole soul and arsehole.
There's better ways to deal with that awkward moment
than get out of my bed.
Yeah, I feel like there are politer ways to do that.
For me, if you want to have good casual sex,
when you're with them in that moment
you’re still actually putting quite a lot of effort in
and really getting to know them,
even if it is for a transitory experience. So I think that's kind
of a bit of a,
Yeah.
where people slip up as well,
what they think casual means is like really low effort.
Where I think like you can have really good
casual sex, but it doesn't mean that there's no
effort, or no connecting with the person.
It doesn't have to be
I'm going into someone's room and that's it.
‘We're just having sex and that's the agreement that we leave’.
It can be that, but it can also be just two people
getting together
who are on the right wavelength and hooking up.
We need to work towards a way of having respectful,
I was going to say loving, but
really into each other, casual sex,
that then we leave each other
at the end of the day and that's fine.
But we've treated each other
really well while we're together.
I think I offered a hookup tea
or coffee, and he was like, ‘Oh no, I was going too fast’.
It's like, just chill.
I'm not going to give a handjob
to every single guy who comes into the house
and like, ‘Do you want tea or coffee?’
It's hospitality.
That’s so funny.
It’s just basic hospitality, you're just raised right.
And suddenly they think you're proposing.
This is a message to the straight dudes
engaging in casual sex with women: you can be nice,
be straight up at the beginning, this is casual,
that's cool. You can still be so nice.
And that’s a pretty good way to be
if you want to get naked with someone.
I have had really good casual sex too though.
There was one person who was just super
kind and didn't push sex and we just talked a lot.
And I think he just
said, ‘I think you're hot,
can I kiss you?’
And I thought it was the hottest thing
someone could do, was say that they were attracted to me
and asked permission to go further.
And so
And then we kept seeing each other
and it just felt really comfortable.
When I think
back on my encounters, I feel like the best ones
were the people who approached this thing we were heading into
together as a gift and not an entitlement.
You know, this is a real cool, fun, hot thing
that we get to do together,
awesome.
You know,
it's so much about the chemistry of the people involved.
If you’re feeling like I’m just bad at sex,
especially in a casual situation,
you might just be with the wrong people.
It's weird.
I used to wear the badge of having bad sex with pride.
I was quite happy that I was bad at sex
because it just, I don't know, I felt really good about it,
because those people would remember me.
Do you have an anecdote to share where you are either like,
just so amazing at sex or else so terrible either
that you'd like to share?
I mean, you don't want to be the best at sex,
otherwise it's just never going to peak,
you know, you want it to keep peaking.
Sometimes I go way too hard at the start
of seeing someone and I put
all the cards on the table...
No, but then that becomes the expectation. No way!
Exactly.
I know. I get carried away. I'm excited. I like having sex
If we come back to the question: casual sex
sounds amazing in theory when I do it I suck,
what am I missing out? Is there anything else that you wanted to
just finish by saying or didn't get to say to our question asker?
You don't suck
Whoever you are, you don’t suck, because there are two people
or more than two people in this situation.
You can't take the sole responsibility of that.
You don't suck.