The less you react to their actions, the less control they have over you. Remind yourself
that while you cannot keep a passive-aggressive person from slamming doors and pouting, you
can only control your response. HOW TO HANDLE A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSON
Interacting with a passive-aggressive person is complicated. Most of the time, their actions
are complex, confusing, and used as a way of coping with stress, anxieties, and insecurities.
Passive aggressive people often deny that they are hurt, angry, or offended. Yet, they
will lash out at you in subtle and puzzling ways.
For instance, they may give people the silent treatment, ostracize people from the group,
use passive violence like slamming books or doors, or engage in subtle forms of relational
aggression. But the person on the receiving end has no idea why this behavior is happening.
After all, the passive-aggressive person denied they were even angry.
Many times, passive-aggressive people are sarcastic, even when sarcasm is an inappropriate
response. And when confronted about their mean behavior, they will pass it off as a
joke often accusing the victim of being too sensitive.
Consequently, they prey on people who are afraid of conflict or who engage in people-pleasing.
By doing so, they don't have to be honest about their feelings or take responsibility
for their actions, but they can still express their hostilities without ever having a real
fight. What are the common passive aggressive behaviors?
It's not always easy to spot this type of bully. Some passive aggressive bullies sabotage
others quietly when no one is watching and then act innocent when confronted.
Others will be sullen and argumentative. The irony is that beneath this bully's exterior
lies low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity and inadequacy and an inability to express
anger in a healthy way. They also believe others are holding them
to unreasonable standards when they are confronted. Here are some behaviors that will help you
identify passive aggressive people. 1. Deny the Truth
The passive-aggressive people rarely say what they are really thinking, which can be confusing
for people on the receiving end. For instance, when a passive aggressive mean girl is confronted
about acting mean, she will feign innocence or deny that she was cruel even though her
actions say something completely different. 2. Blame Others
Passive-aggressive people rarely take responsibility for their actions. If they don't blame you
for what happened, then they will blame their teacher, their boss, and even the weather.
Passive aggressive people cannot accept that they are at fault. If something happens, it
has to be someone else’s fault. As a result, they engage in minimization and victim-blaming
on a regular basis.
3. Send Mixed Messages Passive-aggressive people hide their resentment
about being asked to do something by being accommodating. As a result, they may agree
to do something but really are angry about having been asked to do.
To relieve some of their resentment, they may give the person making the request the
silent treatment. Or, they may talk about the person and even spread rumors or gossip.
Other times, they may simply never follow through with what was requested.
4. Stuff Their Anger Passive-aggressive people rarely show anger.
Instead, they stuff it down inside. They may even appear happy and accommodating on the
outside most of the time.
By doing so, they are letting out some of their anger without ever admitting that they
are upset. The passive-aggressive person often feels treated unfairly. They also feel taken
advantage of and resentful. As a result, it is not uncommon for passive
aggressive bullies to engage in victim-thinking. If someone gets upset because of something
they did, then in their mind that person is bullying them. They never seen themselves
as a bully. How To Cope With Passive-Aggressive People?
Confronting a passive-aggressive person at school or at work requires honesty. Calling
the behavior out with no apologies and setting boundaries is essential. Remember, passive
aggressiveness is a form of hostility and should be treated as such.
What’s more, passive-aggressive people do not openly discuss issues that may be bothering
them. As a result, when confronted they may make inappropriate remarks and mumble under
their breath. Here are some other ways to overcome the negative
effect of dealing with passive aggressiveness. 1. Be Direct
When dealing with a passive-aggressive person, be assertive and clear about your expectations.
You also want to establish boundaries where needed. Make sure everything you say is factual
and not emotional. Being clear and level-headed are the best defenses against a passive aggressive
person. 2. Control Your Response
Focus on staying calm, keeping your voice neutral and holding your emotions in check.
The less you react to their actions, the less control they have over you. Remind yourself
that while you cannot keep a passive-aggressive person from slamming doors and pouting, you
can only control your response. Respond in a healthy way to their unhealthy behaviors.
3. Recognize You Cannot Change Them While confronting passive-aggressive bullies
about their behavior is a positive first step, there is no guarantee the person will accept
what you are saying. Instead, focus on what you can do to improve the situation like setting
boundaries or communicating honestly about how their actions affect you.
4. Avoid Getting Offended Remind yourself that a passive-aggressive
person’s anger stems from their background and is not your responsibility. You do not
have to appease the passive-aggressive person. Stick to what you know is right regardless
of their underhandedness or demands. Finally, 5. Be Empathetic
It's challenging to be compassionate and empathetic toward someone that is so difficult to be
around. But in the end, it can be very effective. You could say something like: “It seems
like you're frustrated by what happened at practice yesterday. That must be difficult.”
Remember, passive-aggressive people feel misunderstood. So, if you try to understand where they are
coming from, it can go a long way in helping you cope with their behaviors.
What about you dealing with a passive aggressive person who is particularly close to you? How
do you go about handling it in the best way possible? If you'd like to let us know in
the comments. If you enjoyed this video I suggest you have
a look at the video titled “How To Recognize a Narcissist” that you can find on this
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