- All I know is I'm sexy as hell today.
- Yes.
- And brown as fuck.
(techno music)
- Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Drunk Advice.
Today, I have with me Akilah and Nic.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi, we're drunk.
- Yeah, just slightly, but--
- Now I feel like I need to fart.
- Do it.
Let it rip but not, like get into the corner.
- Rule number one, be drunk.
If you don't drink, be in the spirit of drunk.
- Yeah, like the spirit of Christmas.
- Rule number two, have a friend with you.
In this case friends.
- Aww.
- And rule number three, don't take our advice.
- Probably not.
- No.
- Literally, don't even consider it advice.
I'm just talking.
- Earlier, so we tweeted, um, seeing what advice you need,
and now we're gonna help you.
How do I tell someone I don't want to be friends
without being a dick?
- I feel like not wanting to be friends with somebody
is like they're gonna be mad either way,
so why not just be a dick.
- Right, I mean--
- Or just well maybe like don't even say anything,
just ghost the friendship.
- [Akilah] Yeah. - [Nic] True, yeah.
- Are dating websites generally a bad idea,
and how do you meet people you could crush on in real life?
Is that real?
(burp)
(laughter)
And that was our answer.
I hate dating websites.
I feel like
(burp)
you meet people like fucking Hannah Witton
on dating websites and all she does is burp in your face
on the date.
That's how we first met.
She burped right in my mouth, and now I'm on her video.
- Oh my god, imagine burping in someone's mouth.
- Worst case scenario.
- Like you go in to kiss, and you like open your--
(laughter)
- Oh no, no.
- And you open your mouth a little bit just because
you want to like accept the tongue,
and then, oh, you just a (makes burp sound).
- Reject.
- I only crush on people I've met in real life.
'Cause that screen makes me think
that they're not a real person,
which is why you can say a lot of mean stuff
on this channel to Hannah and she won't feel it
'cause she's not real (laughs).
I'm kidding, please don't--
- I'm not real, guys.
I'm not real.
- I'm gay.
That means I like men.
- If you didn't know.
- And that's the advice, thanks.
That was a great video.
Let's get the hell outta here.
- I just, I feel like it's a lot harder
for like a gay guy to go up to a guy
that he's crushing on and be like
hey, wanna date?
You might get punched in the face.
How to exercise a demon.
Asking for a friend.
- Can I just say before we start answering seriously,
I thought exercise, and I'm like
I guess you could take it to the gym with you.
Me and my demon just working out our glutes.
- The demon wants a good booty,
so you gotta take it to the gym.
- How to reignite things when a relationship stalls.
- Break up (laughs).
Nothing restarts a relationship
quicker than dumping somebody.
- Like how old are you?
Oh it doesn't say.
- Listen, dump them.
- And then you just go to the next relationship.
- Was that just a gliss?
- I think that might be the demon from the last question.
It was like hey.
This boy really likes me,
but I'm feeling sorta meh about him.
My friend is pressuring me to date him.
Help.
- Don't listen to them.
Don't date them.
- Who cares about friends?
Screw your friends, don't screw your friends.
- Don't date people you feel meh about.
it's bullshit.
There's a lot more time.
- I can hear the alcohol coming out.
- I'm too drunk,
and all I can think about is Carly Rae Jepsen.
First kiss stories and advice.
- I'm telling you, go for memorable.
Like mine was really bad.
I told him I loved him
because I had, I had a crush on him for like five years,
so I was like it's happening,
and like in the moment, I said it.
And he was like that's cute (laughs).
And it was bad.
- It was with a girl, so it didn't count.
So I technically had two first kisses,
and anyway, sorry Evalyn, but our
(laughter)
- I don't know who my first girl kiss was.
- I do.
Shout out to Amy.
(laughter)
- Best advice for a fresher.
What's a fresher?
- [Nic] What's a, a zombie? - [Hannah] Oh like a freshman.
- [Nic] Oh.
- Like a university.
Your first year at university you're a fresher.
- Why did I think zombies?
- Dance school.
- Right, find good friends.
- How do you not get a hangover?
- I'm gonna get one after this.
- I thought you were gonna say a hand job.
- How to not get one?
- How to not get a hand job?
- Stop putting your hand near my dick.
Hangovers are inevitable for the majority of the population,
so what you're gonna wanna do stay hydrated.
The moment you know that you drank too much at night
when you get home, drink like
- [Akilah] a big old Gatorade. - [Hannah] Water, water, water
water, water, water.
- What's that.
- Water.
- Oh, I thought you said what.
You were saying that in that English accent, I was like--
- Water, water, water, water, water.
(laughter)
- Wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo.
It was like a weird subwoofer.
I'm like Hannah's buffering.
I'm telling you, you guys--
- And water.
- There were no,
there are three letters you are leaving out.
Waah.
- I'm dying.
- A glass of waah.
- I don't want this to be the moment of my death.
(laughter)
- I was like what is happening?
- I can't breathe.
- I used to be really confident with coming out,
but now I'm at uni with lots of new people.
It's terrifying.
Help question mark.
- Is this a lesbian or a gay.
- You're always gonna come out
just like it's a new vagina every time,
and you have to crawl almost like
let me put this down.
- Did you say vagina?
- Shh, I just wanna show you my vagina, hold on.
It's right here, okay,
and then you come out of,
you wiggle out of it.
- Yeah.
- Like that.
- You know what I think.
- That's my advice.
- Oh, I'm drunk, how do I get rid of the spins.
- Sit down.
- Yeah, and water and maybe like close your eyes.
- Snacks.
- No, don't listen to either of them.
There's no way, that's it.
Just pretend you're on a roller coaster and fuck it up.
- I fucking hate the spins.
- You know what my answer is?
A full box of Triscuits.
The whole box.
- Still don't know what they are.
(gasp)
- Have you had the sweet potato ones though.
- Have you had the cracked pepper and salt.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
(burps)
Okay, I thought you just vomited in your titties,
and that almost made me wanna vomit into my titties.
- How do I figure out if my crush thinks us hanging out
is platonic or not?
- Ask him.
- I mean have you guys literally ever touched?
Because I'm pretty sure it's platonic until it's not.
Okay, here's what you can do.
Vomit on your pants, take your pants off.
If they're like ooh, I'm feeling it, you're in.
If not, then they just feel sorry for you
because you vomited on your pants.
- [Akilah] Then you know. - [Nic] I also have a face.
- What to do when you are depressingly single
and can't seem to find anyone you wanna date?
I mean like--
- Date yourself.
- Master-date
(burps)
- If you are depressingly single,
hang out with your friends.
- And then--
- And maybe you'll meet somebody through them,
but I don't think that like isolating yourself
and or forcing yourself to date randos is a good idea.
- When you don't wanna date anyone
(burps)
- Part three, we all did it.
What to do when I keep seeing an ex's wedding photos
on social media especially when they'd get drunk
and tell me he's not the one.
- Fucking mute them.
- Unfollow, block.
Listen, why you still friends with this--
- Who's saying who about what?
- What should I do if I get abducted by aliens?
- Is this 'cause of the LA UFO?
- Probably, take a selfie.
- How do you tell someone that has a crush on you
that you hate them (laughs).
- Right.
- Like those are two very, like opposing, emotions.
- I mean, I'd say if you truly hate somebody,
block 'em.
- Or hate fuck 'em.
- Oh.
Wait, how old is this person, though? (laughs)
Hannah'll be telling twelve year olds to hate fuck people.
- Their username is Jessie Spears oh three.
Does that mean she's born in 2003?
- There are people who are alive that were born that year.
- You're twelve.
- Don't hate fuck them.
Don't hate them, you're twelve.
Just go talk to other people and ignore it.
- You told me that you can predict the future
when you're drunk, and it's true.
- It's happening again.
- Shit.
Are we done?
- I mean, I, listen,
- [Akilah] it's your show. - [Nic] I don't see anymore.
- Thank you guys for watching.
Please give the video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it.
And leave your own shitty advice in the comments.
- Do it.
- Go subscribe to Nic.
We made a video on his channel.
- Yes.
- Go subscribe to Akilah.
We are making a video on her channel.
- Subscribe to Hannah.
She's adorable.
Doesn't her make up look really great?
- Akilah did it.
- I did it.
- I didn't do anything.
- I was drunk.
- Have you seen the Netflix condoms?
Netflix and chill is just one D away from Netflix and child.
(laughter)
- Yeah, I'm just gonna.
(laughter)
(techno music)