- I say tails never fails
and you're buying the (beep)ing house a round!
- There it goes. - Ready?
That's a (beep)ing (scream)!
- Why would she do that when people are already drinking?
- I will honor this!
I will buy the house a round,
but it's my choice, you don't pick, mother(beep)ers!
Washington highballs around the room!
(cheering)
- They're already drinking!
If you ran a promotion, people might come for it,
but if they're already there,
you're just costing yourself money!
- [Mia] Exactly.
- Cheers to the shot that Dahlia bought for the house
for no (beep)ing reason.
(tense music)
- [Crystal] You better give me half of that!
You hear me?
You better give me half of that (beep)!
Hey, where are you going, Melissa?
- Take a break!
- [Crystal] Whaddya mean, take a break?
- [Man] It's her 20 minute break!
- [Melissa] I'mma take a break is what I mean!
I've been in there for (beep)ing two hours,
I can take a break.
- Breaks are every four hours, not every two hours.
- I don't have to (beep)ing go in there and serve drinks.
- Okay, so we have an attitude issue here, Mia.
- A hundred percent.
- There's not (beeping) without me.
- I guess Melissa's still on her break.
Shall I go get her, or are you going to go get her?
Never mind, you just sit there like you always do.
- I'm (beep)ed up.
I'm so (beep)ed up.
- So she's drunk.
- Yes.
- And it is about 9:30, so she's got four hours to go,
so what're they gonna do, carry her home?
- What the (beep), are you done with your break?
Are you done with your hour break?
- Oh, wait, hold on, I'm about to smoke another cigarette.
- Like, are you serious right now?
- No, I'm about to literally smoke another cigarette.
- No, no, no, no, you can't be taking no hour break.
- The work seems like an inconvenience to her.
- Yes, that's a very appropriate way of putting that.
(bar patrons cheering)
- Oh!
- [Crystal] No more shots tonight!
That's enough, you need to simmer down.
Can you act like a grandma, please.
(patrons cheering and laughing)
- Hey, this is how it's really done.
- [Crystal] Okay, Melissa, no more shots,
no more shots, that's enough.
- You better not be drinking those, Melissa,
no more drinking on the job. - Don't tell me to drink,
'cause I'll take both of these shots.
- This is the most obnoxious bar staff I've ever seen!
- [Mia] What!
- [Jon] She's drunk and they're letting her up by the bar!
- What is she doing?
- Melissa, if you fall, it's on your own, bitch!
- [Melissa] I know.
(bar patrons shouting)
- This is actually insane!
- [Melissa] Look at my big boobs, guys!
- This girl is all about her. - Yes.
I'm beginning to understand why this bar is packed with men.
- [Melissa] Get it, get it!
(everyone cheering)
- She'll have nothing on me, that bitch,
she'll have nothing on me!
- This is a freak show!
- I have another promotion!
- Okay, this is going to be outrageous.
- I'm going to run a shot (drunk chattering).
I'm gonna have a five dollar shot special right now!
You wanna drink a shot in my chest, it's five bucks.
- Nobody wants to take that for five dollars,
I'll serve that for two dollars!
- Clearly, Dahlia is proud of her chest,
and likes them to be a point of attention in conversation,
'cause she's putting them out there every chance she gets!
- Certainly is!
- I want everyone to line up for a five dollar shot special!
- Any takers?
Any takers?
No, no takers!
Nobody wants to take a shot out of
your (beep)ing orangutan tits!
- I want a shot!
(Melissa screaming)
I want a five dollar shot!
- There's no takers, I'm gonna go in,
and I'm gonna have a five dollar boob shot!
- Go enjoy that, Jon!
(tense beat)
- It's all about the bling!
- [Melissa] You psycho (beep)!
- The bling, the bling, it's all about the bling!
- [Jon] 'Scuse me, 'scuse me!
What're you doing right now?
- Having a great (beep)ing time!
- Now, if you offer a boob shot,
and not one man in the bar takes it, what does that say?
- [Bar Patron] Boo, (beep) no!
- Maybe you shouldn't do that anymore!
- Would you like to have one, try it?
- No, I wouldn't actually!
I have no interest in your freak show!
And you're the worst of all!
How many times did you say (beep) behind that bar tonight?
Did you say it?
- A few.
- A few!
So, she chased out a few, you chased out a few,
whose left?
Your business is like your boobs, it's sagging!
- You're wrong, because, you know what?
My boobs stand up like the American flag!
My ass might have a little hail damage, but not my boobs!
(flutes trail down)
- Hello. - Hi.
- What's your name? - Crystal.
- And Crystal, what is your relation to her?
- That's my mom.
- [Jon] That's your mom.
Are you proud of your mom or ashamed of your mom?
- Tonight, I was ashamed.
- How far in debt are you?
- Maybe 144,000.
- 144,000 dollars?
And how much money are you losing a month?
- Sometimes four thousand, sometimes six thousand.
- So, how much money do you have left?
- Nothing.
How's your house mortgage doing?
- I'm in the hole.
- Huh, are you gonna lose your house?
- If things don't get better, yes.
- So how's the whole boob thing working out for you, then?
- Well, if you want to see it, I'll let ya do it!
- I don't wanna see it!
- Okay, you wanna have a drink
and talk about it one more time?
- She just wants to have a drink, doesn't she?
If you don't wanna do this, I'll leave right now.
- Mom, mom, mom!
- Jon Taffer!
Jon Taffer!
J-O-N T-A-F-F-E-R!
I need your (beep)ing help!
Come back, please!