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IF YOU HAD TO GUESS, HOW
MANY LIES DO YOU THINK YOU TELL
EVERY DAY?
ME?
ONE -- TEN.
RESEARCH SUGGESTS PEOPLE LIE
3.2 TIMES A DAY.
THESE ARE WHAT PEOPLE CALL A
WHITE LIE.
THAT CAN GET YOU OUT OF A LOT
OF TROUBLE.
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP REBOOT
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT WHY LYING
IN A RELATIONSHIP IS ALWAYS A
BAD IDEA.
I QUESTION THAT -- ALWAYS A BAD
IDEA?
EVERY LITTLE WHITE LIE?
NOTICE I DIDN'T SAY ONE HAS
TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST ALL THE
TIME.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
OMITTING SOMETHING TO TRY TO BE
KIND, THAT IS NOT LYING.
THAT IS DIFFERENT.
AGAIN, THE HONEY, DOES THIS
SUIT MAKE ME LOOK FAT OR
WHATEVER -- WHEN YOU THINK
ABOUT IT, IF YOUR SPOUSE IS
ASKING FOR A REAL OPINION, YOU
CAN CHECK THAT OUT.
THE OTHER SLIPPERY SLOPE ONE IS
THE SORT OF -- WHAT IS WRONG?
NOTHING IS WRONG.
I'M NOT MAD.
I'M TIRED.
THAT MAY SEEM LIKE A SOCIAL
SMOOTHING OVER WHITE LIE.
IT IS DIFFERENT THAN SAYING I'M
TIRED AND UPSET BUT LET'S TALK
ABOUT IT TOMORROW WHEN WE HAVE
SLEEP.
PICK A TIME.
THAT'S IS OKAY.
YOU ARE NOT DENYING WHAT
SOMEONE IS SAYING TO YOU.
THAT IS THE RELATIONAL PIECE OF
LYING THAT IS PROBLEMATIC.
YOU HAVE FIVE PROBLEMS WITH
LYING.
THE FIRST IS OBVIOUS.
THE TRUST IS BROKEN.
IT IS THE BIGGEST ONE.
IT IS ALMOST LIKE A SCREEN
BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONE.
YOU KNOW YOU TOLD FALSEHOOD OR
YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO FIND OUT
OR YOU HOPE IT GOES AWAY.
YOU ARE SITTING IN A FUNKY
PLACE OF NOT FEELING REALLY
CONNECTED.
SECOND POINT IS THERE COULD
BE A BALANCE IN POWER DYNAMIC
THAT GETS MESSED UP.
EXACTLY.
IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT TOLD
THE LIE YOU HAVE KNOWLEDGE THAT
YOUR LOVED ONE DOESN'T.
IT IS POWERFUL IN MOVIES AND
THEATER.
WHEN WE KNOW SOMETHING THAT THE
CHARACTERS ON STAGE DON'T, THAT
GIVES US POWER.
THE THIRD IS FOR THE PERSON
WHO IS LIED TO.
YOU FEEL FOOLISH.
THE BETRAYAL THAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO IS
HEART BREAKING.
IT TAKES A LOT OF REPAIR IN
RELATIONSHIPS TO GET OVER THAT
AND REBUILD THE TRUST.
WHY DO YOU SAY FOR YOUR
FOURTH POINT, THAT LIERS ARE
FOOLING -- LIARS ARE FOOLING
THEMSELVES CAN.
YOU GET REMOVED FROM THE
RELATIONSHIP TO A CERTAIN
DEGREE.
IF YOU ARE LYING TO PROTECT THE
RELATIONSHIP OR SAVE SOMEONE'S
FEELINGS, BY LYING YOU ARE
MAKING THINGS WORSE.
IN THE MOMENT IT MAY SEEM MORE
PAINFUL.
INTERESTING.
WE KNOW ONCE YOU LIE ONCE,
TYPICALLY YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE
TO LIE AGAIN AT SOME POINT TO
KEEP UP WITH IT.
LIES FOLLOW UPON LIES.
WE SEE THIS ON A BUNCH OF
S TAGES.
THERE IS A PIECE AROUND ALWAYS
TRYING TO FIX IT.
EVENTUALLY IT FALLS APART.
IN YOUR PRACTICE YOU SEE
THIS ALL THE TIME.
IT NORMALLY GETS DISCOVERED,
RIGHT?
YES.
WHAT IF YOU ARE A REALLY
GOOD LIAR?
YOU ARE STILL GOING TO GET
BUSTED, I MEAN.
THERE ARE SOME LIES I'M SURE
THAT DON'T GET DISCOVERED.
I WOULD SAY THEY ARE FEW AND
FAR BETWEEN.
THE LIE SERVES AS A WEDGE
BETWEEN THE PEOPLE.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH IT.
ASIDE FROM THE CONTENT, IS IT
AN AFFAIR OR WERE YOU LYING
ABOUT SOMETHING SMALL?
VERY GOOD FOR PEOPLE TO BEAR
IN MIND.
TRY HARD NOT TO LIE.
EVENTUALLY IT WILL PROBABLY GET
DISCOVERED.
EITHER WAY YOU ARE DAMAGING THE