When the aliens invade a thousand years from now and our hyper-advanced technology isn't enough,
Our last hope will inevitably be placed in the hands of a lone space marine.
Like the super soldier and Master Chief.
and DoomGuy, the bane of Hell itself.
These Wiz and arm-Boomsticks, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
At the young age of six, John-117 was abducted by the UNSC to be part of the Spartan Two program,
the worst day care ever.
At fourteen, he underwent the programs augmentation procedures--dramatically increasing his strength, speed, vision, intelligence and reflexes.
When he was done, his bones were nearly indestructible,
and he could beat up and kill way more experienced Marines AT FOURTEEN!
Man, that's one harsh puberty.
Upon reaching the rank of Master Chief Petty Officer, John began a 30-year campaign leading the Spartans against three different threats.
The Insurrection, the alien Covenant, and the Flood.
As a Spartan, he wears Mark VI Mjolnir armour. This technological marvel links directly to John's brain, so his actions are controlled by thought BEFORE movement.
Simultaneously, the suit itself multiplies the Chief's already enhanced physical capabilities.
The suit weighs half-a-freaking ton, yet the guy still jumps around like he's on the moon.
The helmet's Heads Up Display includes a motion tracker with an eighty foot radius. Also, the suit projects a recharging energy shield.
The Chief's first sidearm is the M60 Magnum. This scoped, high powered pistol uses 12.7 millimeter Armour piercing rounds with the precision accuracy of over 400 feet.
I don't care what kind of armour you're wearing, three headshots from this baby and you're done.
His other sidearms include the SMG and frag grenades.
His standard fire arms include the rapid fire Assault Rifle, the more precise Battle Rifle, and the M90 shotgun, a pump action deathdealer that uses Soellkraft 8 gauge shells.
Which are so impossibly dangerous, they've been banned world wide to the point of near extinction.
But even that's not enough killing power for the Master Chief. The M41 rocket launcher holds 2 rockets at once. And his sniper rifle was designed for killing giant alien infantry from long distances.
The shells can pierce tank armour or rip people in half. And then there's Chief's killer app: The Spartan Laser.
With a three second charge and a five shot limit, it does have it's faults. Buuuuut....
Think of it kinda like a laser pointer... that points things INTO OBLIVION!
Master Chief can only carry two or three weapons at a time. However, he seems to posses extraordinary luck and can usually find exactly the weapon he needs somewhere nearby.
He finds weapons on the ground more often than you can find change on a sidewalk.
He can also use special equipment in the field. The over-shield triples the strength of his armour's shields, and active camoflage will cover him in an aura of light bending energy, creating the illusion of invisibility.
Plus the bubble shield is a portable forcefield that protects the Chief from all projectiles. Though people and vehicles can pass right through it.
How the hell does that work?
But even THAT'S not the last of Master Chief's vast arsenal. When the elites allied themselves with the UNSC during the Human/Covenant War,
the two sides traded some of their weaponry, giving John access to plasma pistols, plasma rifles, and the Type-51 carbines.
Not to mention my favorites, the sticky plasma grenade and the lethal energy sword.
The Type-1 Energy sword is one of the few weapons John has yet to master.
It features two, four-foot energy blades that can actually block bullets.
Really? Man, that would've been useful in the games.
The Master Chief has consistently proven to accomplish the impossible.
He's an expert in combat strategy, can run 50 miles an hour, has defeated three entirely different armies multiple times,
destroyed an entire covenant armada single handedly, and prevented galactic genocide.... TWICE.
And one time he fell from orbit, holding on to nothing but a flimsy piece of metal, landing without a scratch,
and was up kickin' alien ass just a few minutes later. Why? Because he can.
Hood: Master Chief, you mind telling me what you're doing on that ship?
Master Chief: Sir, finishing this fight.
The original, ass-kicking, demon-slaying, first person badass, and one of my personal heroes: Doomguy!
After disobeying his commanding officer, and beating him to death, Doomguy's space spurring core career took a drastic turn when he was sent to the desolate moons of Mars,
which just so happened to house a magical gateway to the bloody bowels of Hell.
Mexico!
No.
And when Hell tried to kill everybody, Doomguy killed them back.
He wears the Megaarmor, a shielding combat suit almost twice as strong as typical security armor and can endure dozens of normally fatal plasma blasts.
He carries a huge arsenal of murder machines, all at once!
Using a backpack with experimental warp technology, Doomguy is able to hold all his weapons simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure his pistol uses the same technology, since he never has to reload!
And when things get tight, his chainsaw will rip and tear through anybody! Rgggghhhh! Not the chainsaw!
Yes the chainsaw! Rgggghhh! (pause) And his chain gun mows down everything in seconds.
Oddly, the chaingun uses the same 5 mm ammunition as the handgun, and is relatively ineffective against strong body armor.
That's stupid. Luckily, Doomguy has his trusty pump-action shotgun!
It holds sixteen shells and fires seven pellets a shot, with a spread range so ridiculous he doesn´t even have to aim!
But apparently one overpowered shottie isn´t enough! So Doomguy got himself a super shotgun:
a heavy double-barreled devastator that fires a huge spread of twenty pellets. Good luck dodging that!
He also wields a plasma gun and a rapid fire rocket launcher which can hold up to fifty rockets at once.
What the hell! Who designs these things?
But even that pales in comparison to Doomguy's ultimate weapon.
It's the king of cannons, the doomsday bazooka that lays waste to everything: It's the Big Fucking Gun 9000!
The BFG fires enormous rounds of plasma. Upon impact the resulting detonation releases trace-rays across a wide varying blast radius.
This ¨gun¨ is strong enough to annihilate the gargantuan Cyber-Demon in a mere two or three shots,
and the unprecedented range of its splash damage ensures no-one is getting away unscathed.
(moans with pleasure)
Wait a second Boomstick, you´re not going to believe this but the BFG is not Doomguy´s deadliest weapon.
Yes! More!
Behold the Unmaker, a portable death ray which puts everything else to shame.
Gimme! Gimme gimme gimme!
There's just one catch. The Unmaker's beams are so powerful because they actually feed off the demonic energy of the target,
which means it's basically useless against anything that isn't from Hell.
Dammit! Well, I guess it doesn't really matter when you already have a backpack full of things to kill people with.
Give me the BFG any day.
Now Doomguy isn't exactly a supersoldier, but his strength and speed are much greater than a normal man, due to the use of super serums and power ups.
The Beserker power up completely heals him and increases his strength ten full.
And the Invunerability and Partial Invisibility power ups do, well, exactly what you think they would.
Doomguy rarely relies on strategy, always preferring to mow down his enemies as fast as he can.
It's more fun that way.
He's defeated the armies of Hell five separate times. He even walked knee-deep into Hell itself to avenge his pet rabbit, Daisy.
He can run up to fifty-seven miles an hour, even outrunning his own rockets, and can spot invisible enemies.
He's no normal man. He's Doomguy!
Alright, the combatant stars set. Let's end this to debate once and for all.
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But right now, it's time for our DEATH BATTTTTTLLLLLLEEEEEE!!
It's about time we had a good old-fashion gun fight.
Doomguy may have an enormously destructive arsenal, but unfortunately, his weapons lack versatility.
I hate to admit it, but Chief can take and dish out way more punishment than Doomguy.
And while defeating Hell sounds awe-inspiring, Doomguy's enemies weren't that much different from Master Chief's.
This fight was nuts.
Hehehe
The winner is the Master Chief.
Stick around after the credits to see who's fighting next.
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